Thursday, April 10, 2014

Me Too, Let's Hug: It's Embarrassing Stories Day at Wide Lawns!

You know how some magazines have a feature where readers send in their embarrassing stories and they print them all on one page in little blurbs? I love those. 

I love the sense of camaraderie I feel from reading about other people's humiliation. Kind of like we're all in this together. It's like, hey you crapped your pants at the mall? Me too. Let's hug. 

I woke up feeling kind of low this morning, saw a random picture of some french fries (don't ask) and was reminded of one of my embarrassing stories, which is fairly tame and thankfully does not involve pooping myself, so I thought maybe we could have an embarrassing story day here at Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds. I have a treasure trove of mortification from which to draw, let me tell you.

I'll start simple though...

Some time ago, when I lived in Atlanta, I went out to meet some friends at a very popular and crowded restaurant. While waiting for our table, I found a seat at the bar next to a woman who was enjoying a plate of crisp, heavenly, truffle fries. All I could smell was the delicious salty, fatty, truffled, parmesan goodness of these fries.They looked like the most delicious, golden, beautiful french fries that have ever existed. They intoxicated me. They called to me and I was starving and must have had low blood sugar, because without even thinking, I absent-mindedly grabbed one of those delicious fries off of her plate and popped it in my mouth. Then another and another and I swear, I didn't even really realize it was happening and at first, neither did the person that the fries actually belonged to. Finally, she turned around and saw me about to pinch another one so defending her dinner, the horrified woman actually smacked my hand! I was mortified and tried to apologize, even offering to pay, but the woman caused a scene and demanded a whole new dish, which I think was a bit of an overreaction, my God. I was so embarrassed that I sneaked out and went to a nearby Steak-N-Shake drive-thru to satisfy my fry craving. Not even joking. My friends teased me about it for years afterwards.

Ok, your turn. Cheer me up with your crazy, embarrassing stories. I don't even care how dirty or messed up they are and yes, if it's that bad go ahead and comment anonymously. You're always safe on my blog.


Terri said...

When I was in first grade there was this boy that sat across the room who always had his eyes open when we said the Lord's prayer (yes prayer in school...that long ago). I was brave enough one day to raise my hand and tell Mrs. Ball that Sammy Blackston had his eyes open during the prayer. Mrs. Ball called me out immediately that the only way I knew his eyes were open is if mine were too. First but last time I was publicly humiliated.

Pudge450 said...

I used to workat a local industry and my office was inside the fence of the production area, about one-half mile from where I had to park. It was common that people who had gate passes to drive into that area would pickup people they knew on the way in. I was generally picked up; so, when a car stopped beside me one morning, i just opened the back door and got in. Turns out, she was dropping off the person in the front seat. She was incredulous and I was EMBARASSED.

Living in Muddy Waters said...

I was doing Guys and Dolls for a summer stock company and had to wear these really short daisy dukes. I mean S to the H to the O to the R to the T short. I completely forgot to bring my dance appropriate underwear and was never so brazen as to go commando. So after the show (which was performed in front of 500 people) I was given the note to never wear bright green underwear again for the rest of my time at summer stock. Yup, quite embarrassing.

I'm THAT girl said...

It was my first job out of high school. I worked in HR at a stock brokerage on Wall St. I ran out of underwear and so didn't wear any that day. I was standing and leaning against my desk and I guess I forgot to zip my pants because my co-worker pointed out that my hook-ha was all out there for the world to see. I wanted to die. I still cringe thinking of it.

Carol in SC said...

My embarrassment always seems to involve wardrobe malfunctions or inappropriate partial nudity. Once when I was bringing home pizza for family and friends, my pants fell down just as I rounded the corner of our front porch. They were all sitting there waiting and I was holding two pizzas, so there was nothing I could do. At the time there was a popular country song entitled "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off." So my teenagers came up with new lyrics: Pizza makes her clothes fall off.
Once when my daughter and I were in the front yard, she noticed a spider crawling down the back of my shirt. Because I am a serious arachnophobe, I promptly removed my shirt just as a vehicle drove by our house. Needless to say, my kids are mortified by my very existence.

Missy Pratt said...

Yes, I know this is an old post, but I just found your blog and am *loving* it.

My embarrassing story is set at my grandfather's funeral. After the ceremony, we went back to the house - all of the friends, relatives and other who knew Grandpa were there.

I had to go to the bathroom, and when I walked out, I didn't realize my dress was tucked into the back of my pantyhose. Yup - clear through the living room and into the kitchen before my Grandma grabbed it and yanked it out for me. At least it got her to laugh that day. :-)

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain about the spider in your shirt. I used to work at a large pet supply chain a few years ago and it was in a very old building. All the animal food is a huge cockroach attractant so we had them everywhere in the back. One morning before we opened, I was stocking the shelves when I felt something crawling under my shirt. I panicked, ripped it off just in time to see a HUGE roach run out...right in front of my boss! I had a tank top on underneath but everyone gave me a hard time all week lol

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