Wednesday, March 19, 2014

You Know You're From Delaware When...


1. You met your common law husband at the Apple Scrapple Festival.

2. You have to drive at least 45 minutes to get to a mall and going to Christiana is a HUGE big deal. If you want to make a major road trip you'll dare to cross state lines to go to Kinga Prusha.

3. You could get into an argument with someone over thick or thin sliced scrapple on your scrapple sandwich.

4. God damn beach traffic.

5. You blame everything on New Jersey.

6. When you were a kid you loved going to the Blue Hen mall to get a soft pretzel and a cherry slushy.

7. You add at least three extra syllables to every word. 

8. In the summer you see movies at Midway.

9. You go crabbin' in the crick with a chicken neck tied to a string and then put the crabs in a BOOshel basket.

10. Bethany vs. Cape Henlopen vs. Dewey is a major debate.

12. Your parents celebrated every special occasion at the Village Inn or the Blue Coat Inn.

13. If someone tries to make chicken and dumplings and the dumplings are like puffy biscuits you will get seriously pissed. WTF? Dumplings are supposed to be SLIPPERY. You also know that they can come with beef or turkey.

14. You've eaten said slippery dumplings at the FAR hall or the Moose.

15. You take genuine pride in the Smyrna rest area and you want to smack people who call it "Smeeer-na."

16. You know the difference between Route 13 and Route 113.

17. As a kid you couldn't wait for the "Herntn Fer" and it was over way too soon. The live chicks were the best part.

18. You had to learn everything about the Chesapeake Bay in elementary school.

19. When you visit other states you're freaked out by the sales tax.

20. The second you heard the news about Kirby and Hollways burning down your heart broke.

21. You plan your vacations to coincide with Race Weekend.

22. It doesn't seem unusual to you that the Amish people get their own spots to park their buggies out to the Walmarts.

23. Speaking of Walmarts - you hate that damn place but you shop there for everything anyway.

24. Wawa coffee and subs are your obsessions.

25. Grotto Pizza. Period.

26. You can use "Daggoned" and "Daggonit" in a sentence.

27. You pull down your dungarees to "set" on "the hopper."

28. Your house arrived at its current location, a "development" that used to be a soybean field, in two halves on tractor trailers that hurtled down the "dual" highway and blocked traffic for miles.

29. In the summers, your favorite thing to do is to scare the crap out of tourists by chasing them down the beach with a horseshoe crab and you think it's hilarious that most of them don't even know what it is.

30. Muskrat season coincides with Christmas season and you love this fact.

31. You've picked fruit at Fifer's more than once and you can tell what time of year it is by what's in season.

32. You're like a connoisseur of livestock manure. Your nose can easily distinguish between the aromas of chicken shit and cow shit.

33. Several people you know hunt and you know which one of them has the best deer jerky, plus you think nothing of picking the buckshot out of your dinner on occasion.

34. It's CANADA geese, you dumbass, not CANADIAN. And yes, they taste good.

35. The smell of the boardwalk and the bumper cars at Funland never ceases to bring back floods of awesome childhood memories.

36. At some point in your teens or twenties you had a summer job somewhere in Rehoboth.

37. When you were a kid you were lucky enough to go on school trips to DC a couple times a year.

38. Sure, Dolle's is the most famous, but you know the best caramel corn comes from Ibach's.

39. The Dairy Queen in your town was only open in summer and you waited anxiously all winter for opening day in May. The highlight of your entire life as a child was when your parents would actually take you there after dinner and let you sit on the hood of the car and eat your sundae.

40. If someone offers to pick up some Royal Farms on the way over you're like "HELL YEAH!" and you know that they truly love you.

41. You have to go to the "WISSFISS" ATM.

42. For the love of God, UD is in NewARK. NEWerk is in New Jersey and we don't talk about that place.

43. You're counting down the days 'til Punkin Chunkin and you swelled with patriotic pride when it was on the Discovery Channel.

44. You can tell who's rich by who has an above ground pool AND a satellite dish on their trailer.

45. Even more than the Punkin' Chunkin, you're proud that the best beer on earth, Dogfish Head, comes straight from the First State.

46. You make extra money on the side by buying up all the Dogfish 120 and selling it on eBay for 40 bucks a bottle. Your other side business is giving Amish people rides since they can't drive.

47. You get a little creeped out by those big signs that tell you how many people have been killed in car accidents so far this year and each time you see the number go up you usually know exactly which accident it was because you probably drove past it or at least heard the fire whistle going off.

48. One of the greatest moments of your life was when you got your first black and white license plate and it was a pretty low number!! You hate that now they have fake black plates and one day you hope to get an original with a single digit because that's a REAL status symbol.

49. When meeting people from other states, you like to mention how space suits are made outside of Dover. Also, the Dover AFB is the biggest base on the East Coast and the C5 planes it houses are the biggest cargo planes in the world. Look, there's one screaming over your house right now! When you were little you were convinced that the Russians were going to nuke Delaware to destroy the base.

50. If you're thirsty go on ahead and get you a drinka wooder.

51. If an old person asks if "Mung You" are comin' for supper you know what they're saying and answer accordingly. You also know to wear your best slacks and not to get anything on the davenport.

52. You answer the phone with a color. "YELLA?"

Please feel free to add more in the comments! Bring on the First State love.

 Yay for my home state!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am from the Eastern Shore of Maryland, so I enjoyed your list as we share many of those items. I adore scrapple but my friends from other states gag when they see it and learn what's in it. And truly, no other type of dumpling is acceptable. I was puzzled the first time I encountered drop dumplings. No, thank you. One other item that my grandmother freaked out about in Florida restaurants was how they made crab cakes. A crab cake is not to be fancy. No weird ingredients, no bizarre sauces should be involved. I would worry she was going to sneak into the kitchen and yell at the chef.

Sheila Dougherty said...

Fellow First-Stater here -- I love your writing! I am from Wilmington, but my grandparents lived in Ocean City, Md., and Millsboro, so I was a frequent visitor. I'm in NYC now so I only get down there about once a year to visit my grandfather -- and I always have a scrapple sandwich when we go out to eat.

We all share the same accent -- I can pick it out if I meet someone from the area. :)

Sheila Dougherty said...

Fellow First-Stater here -- I love your writing! I am from Wilmington, but my grandparents lived in Ocean City, Md., and Millsboro, so I was a frequent visitor. I'm in NYC now so I only get down there about once a year to visit my grandfather -- and I always have a scrapple sandwich when we go out to eat.

We all share the same accent -- I can pick it out if I meet someone from the area. :)

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