Monday, February 10, 2014

Overheard at The Park - Total A**Hole Edition

I haven't done this in a while, because for a long time, I swear, everyone at the park was pretty normal. 

But then it happened...

And I wanted to stab someone in the face...

Because, ugh...

So I'm sitting at the park and my child is happily climbing all over everything and doing her thing and I am spacing out and here comes this mother who looks like Nicole Richie in her worst days of anorexia with enormous sunglasses and a purse that was the size of a suitcase (why do such tiny women like such humungous accessories?) and her daughter was decked out in about five different layers of tutu and everything she had on had glitter somewhere on it. They were your typical, South Florida, wealthy hot mess.

The Nicole Richie looking mom finds another friend of hers and they begin a conversation that made me want to hurt someone.

Apparently, Nicole's daughter recently had to switch classes in school for a very serious reason. There was a really, really, really big problem, people.

Nicole: It was disgusting, really.

Mom 2: I know! TOTALLY get it.

Nicole: I mean, it's not wrong of me, right? Her teacher was ugly!

Mom 2 (nodding): I know, like, she SCARES the kids. I can't believe they hired her.

Nicole: She's huge. I mean, WHAT a bad example, right?

Mom 2: SERIOUSLY! I know.

Nicole: Like, honestly, I couldn't even stand to look at her. She looks like a witch to me.

Mom 2: A fat witch. 

Nicole: Like, every morning, Bry'lee was TOTALLY freaking out and I KNOW it was because she didn't want to see Miss Doris.

Mom 2: (nodding sympathetically) Did she tell you that?

Nicole: No. I just know it. You know, like A MOM KNOWS.

Mom 2: TOTALLY. EXACTLY. (long sigh)

Nicole: As soon as she switched classes she was happy to go to school again.

Mom 2: Of course. Is her new teacher prettier?

Nicole: Well, like, she's no beauty queen...but at least she isn't fat.

Mom 2: Good. Good. At least. You're SO right. Oh my God. The message that sends with the obesity epidemic.

Nicole: Right? You know, I just want to teach Bry'lee the RIGHT lessons?

Mom 2: You are SUCH a good mom.

OH MY GOD. I was horrified, needless to say. She wanted to teach Bry'lee the right lessons, like that women will be judged by their appearance no matter what they do, even if they are preschool teachers and that we must always reject people who don't conform to our very narrow idea of what makes a woman beautiful on the outside. Go, Mom. Great lessons. Very inspiring.

Yay to South Florida Assholetry. It's alive and well.


JoeinVegas said...

Geez, guess that means there are a lot of empty classrooms in Florida, or a lot of moms don't care about appearance and would rather have a good competent teacher (not to say the skinny ones aren't good)

kerry said...

Oy. I think I'd be horrified, too. I had fat teachers, and thin teachers, and pretty ones, and ugly ones, and some I had crushes on... and y'know what, those weren't the things that mattered.

And I'm reasonably sure my parents didn't much carer, so long as they were competent (which mine seemed pretty much to be).

Dayna said...

OMG!! I just thought I need to become a teacher and move to South Florida.
(I am kind of a lard ass)

Anonymous said...

But you also made a judgment regarding the mom's appearance by saying "mother who looks like Nicole Richie in her worst days of anorexia". Granted by what the mom said was ugly, but how was your description different than what she said about the teacher being fat? From where I am sitting, it is not.

Anonymous said...


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