Saturday, February 01, 2014

Brain Fog

I'm sitting home by myself tonight, after having attended my 350th child's birthday party this year and by this year I DO mean 2014. Seriously man, they should tell you when you enroll your kid in preschool that you need to start a birthday budget plan or something. It's crazy. We really can't make it to all these parties all the time and some of them I honestly decline because I can't afford to buy so many presents. I feel terrible, but Jesus Christ, it adds up. 

We went to a birthday party a few weeks ago that was, I shit you not, better than just about 90 percent of the weddings I've been to in my life. No exaggeration. There were Bellinis passed by gloved waiters on little silver trays. It was at a country club. There was a buffet that really was bigger and better than the buffets at every wedding I've been to in the past five years. And it was a damned good time. Give me some Bellinis and cake and I'm good to go, but do not expect me to throw a shindig like that. I'm more of a have a couple little girls over to play in mud in the back yard and order them a Domino's pizza because I have a coupon kind of a mom. 

Anyway, I'm home alone tonight. My husband took Little Lawns to the mall because he needed new work clothes and felt that taking a three year old along as his fashion consultant would be a good idea. Which it is if you want to show up to work in an Elmo Tee Shirt and some Yo Gabba Gabba Crocs.

I had these ideas that I would watch movies or I don't know...I really don't know. I get very excited thinking of having alone time and then when I have it, I have no idea what to do and there's nothing on TV except Chopped and I can't get the Netflix to work right without my husband here and then I just dick around on the Internet and I don't end up watching Breaking Bad or renting a movie or doing any of the glam things I imagine I'd do if I had alone time. I feel guilty a lot when I have alone time, like I need to use it to work, so I ended up cleaning the refrigerator and then I made some juice and then I worked on some writing and now I'm blogging because my poor neglected blog needs me.

Lately I've felt like I'm losing my mind a little. Like I have what people call "Brain Fog." I don't know if it's stress or I'm getting old or I need thyroid meds or who the fuck knows what it is, but I've been a little off. 

Case in point...

And I swear to you this post was not in any way sponsored by Apple. Don't I wish. If it were I might be able to afford to go to more birthday parties.

Several times in recent months I have driven off with my coffee on top of the car. It got so bad that my three year old actually asked me why I keep doing it, which is bad because if a three year old notices stuff like that, then wow.

I've been a bit of an airhead.

The other day I was in a hurry to get to yoga and I was piling all my yoga stuff in the car and I was about to be late and I realized that for the love of God, I had forgotten my phone. Went back in the house, tore through looking for the phone. No phone.

I saw my sister and asked her to call the phone. Didn't hear it ringing. I told her it was probably somewhere in the car so call me in five minutes when I was driving down the road.

She did. I heard it ringing. I nearly got into an accident trying to find the ringing phone which I could hear ever so faintly. Finally, I get to yoga, several miles away and I look all under the seats and everywhere and no phone, yet I knew I had heard it ringing so it HAD to be in the car SOMEWHERE.

It almost drove me to complete insanity.

I come out of yoga an hour and a half later and it has now rained.

And on the hood of the car there is my iPhone. 

I'm not kidding you. I managed to drive several miles with the phone on the hood of my car and it didn't fall off, which is a miracle in and of itself. Then it sat in a parking lot free for the taking and no one took it. THEN it rained on it and the phone should have been ruined, but nope. Worked perfectly.

This is certainly a testament to Apple engineering. That or my guardian angel was sitting there the whole time protecting it and playing QuizUp with it and scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed.

I don't know. Luck was on my side there, but see what I mean? Big time brain fog there.


BretonWench said...

No one has commented on this ? This is called 'Mummy Brain' and causes you to leave the mobile phone in the fridge and your glasses in the laundry basket.....but is spookily aligned to the fact that you are the only person in the house who can locate the lost objects of the rest of the family.
The missing sneaker? Behind the dresser in the hall. The errant textbook? Under the guinea pig cage. The elusive phone number of todays client? Scribbled on top of the Sunday paper.......

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