Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Spiders, Dieting and Manifestations

So this morning I'm driving after dropping Little Lawns off at preschool and all of a sudden a big, yellowish-brown, ugly assed spider comes walking across the dashboard, crawls up the windshield and stops right about at my eye level. I almost had a heart attack. It's a miracle I didn't cause a major accident. All I could think was that this spider was going to jump on me and I was going to freak out and flip the car. This didn't happen, thank the Lord, as the spider kept going and disappeared under the sun visor, which doesn't exactly make me happy, but it's better than it jumping on me. Although that could still happen next time I get in the car. Oh my God, maybe I should go trade the car in today. I can hear it now.

"Ma'am, why are you looking to trade in this vehicle?"

"Well, I've had it for eight years now and it still runs great but there's a spider in it, so it's going to have to go. In fact, you can have it for free. Just take the damned thing. Here!"

And then I toss the keys and run out of the dealership.

Second random thing...

I'm still detoxing, although I'm pretty sure there are no more toxins left in my body than can possibly be pooped, peed or sweated out. I have eaten kale and quinoa and cut out gluten and most dairy and all meat except fish and you know, I actually feel really good. I lost five pounds, though I can't really tell, and that took three weeks, which pissed me off because I thought I should have lost at least twenty-five by now. I like instant gratification. So I have ten more pounds to go by November 10th to get to my goal weight by the time I turn 40. I really hope I can do it.

Last weekend I got this book

E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality,
by Pam Grout. It was a $1.99 Kindle download and you are going to laugh hysterically if I tell you why I bought it and think I am crazy, but here it goes. So over the summer I had a psychic reading and a lot of the stuff the woman told me was true or came true like the next day, and one of the things she told me was that she sees me becoming an inspirational writer and being picked up by a publisher like Hay House one day. Now, I like Hay House books quite a bit. Love Wayne Dyer, all that New Age woo-woo stuff, so this book was a Hay House book and it was only two bucks, so I was like, ok, whatever. I'll check it out. I can use some help manifesting my greatest desires. Fine.

So the book contains several "experiments" you are supposed to do in order to prove that the law of attraction exists and that you can use it in your favor and bolster your faith in it which then makes it work even better, etc., and I decide to try the first two "experiments." The first one says to demand that the Universe grant you an unexpected gift or blessing within 48 hours, which actually seemed kind of bratty to me, but I did it anyway and then there were all these miraculous tales of people receiving special gifts. Well, Tuesday afternoon came around and while I had a very nice salad for lunch with my mom that day, I did not receive any unexpected gifts. Motherfucker, I thought. Nothing came in the mail, my husband didn't come home with flowers, my mom didn't find anything for me at Ross. Nada. Zip.

Then I was supposed to look for yellow butterflies and green cars and all of a sudden they were supposed to start appearing EVERYWHERE. Would you know I saw every color of god damned butterfly except yellow? And on a normal day, I'll see several green cars. I start looking for green cars and none. It's like green cars have been outlawed all of a sudden.

My experiments were failing.

Then there was this whole thing about starting small with the manifesting and asking the universe for a free cup of coffee. Again, lots of success stories in the book about people getting free cups of coffee and while I put myself in several situations wherein I could possibly receive a free cup of coffee, I kept paying for my daggoned coffee. So again, no manifestation happening.

I was kind of starting to feel discouraged, like maybe the Universe was on vacation or ignoring me or something, so I decided to teach it a lesson and turn the whole thing on its head.

Fine, Universe, I said. If you're not going to give me some yellow butterflies, green cars, free coffee and an unexpected gift then by golly, I'm going to see to it that some other people get some benefits of this whole manifestation business. I'm in control here, Universe and if you're not going to give me stuff, I'm going to give stuff to other people. So there.

I always wanted to do that thing where you pay for the coffee of the people behind you in the drive-through line anyway. Ha! Take that free coffee, Universe. Unexpected presents? I got that one too. Plenty of people in my life needed a little extra something or other, so I did a little, modest but meaningful shopping. Ta-da!

As for the yellow butterflies? I painted a yellow butterfly. Then I saw one in the yard, so I figured that counted. Green cars, I'm at a loss, but I can always do a google image search if I'm really that desperate to see some green cars, but I'm not, and actually, I think I saw a green truck at the end of my street, so I'll count that.

I'll start the next two experiments in the book this week and we will see how it goes. Wish me luck!


JoeinVegas said...

So you paid for coffee for the guy behind you? Neat!

Anonymous said...

Not green cars, dummy, "green" cars! You know, like a Prius! Did you see a Prius?!

FreeDragon said...

I like your thinking. Don't like the results, change them yourself! See, you're already on the right career path and someday you'll put this story in a cool book.

Melanie said...

I think 'Annonymous @ 1:55pm' might be onto something!

mcgrim said...

I'm a big believer in creating your own reality, so glad you're giving it a shot. I think expectation plays a big part here. Did you really expect those things to happen? Also desire. Did you want coffee, esp. since you are detoxing? And who really cares about yellow butterflies and green cars??

If anyone offers me a coffee (or, better yet, a car), I'll let you know.

Unknown said...

With regards to ur spider. My father was a retired police officer here in FL and he swore that many of those one car accidents that u say to yourself; gee wonder why that lady drove off that cliff (in good weather, no drinking & driving, car breaks r working, etc). My father swore that if they did a CSI into the car they would find a dead bug of some kind (spiders, bees) in the majority of the cases. I'm not trying to sound cold, but we did have some giggles over this when I would tell my dad the latest "spider in the car" situation and he wud be thankful FL has very few cliffs.

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