Monday, February 04, 2013

Dela-where-the-f-are-you?

I'm just going to preface this by saying that my mind is in a million different places right now, so I may not exactly be doing my best writing over here.

I did, after all, just spend two days in the back of a very loaded car driving over a thousand miles while trying to pacify a very crabby two year old. We made it though. We are here, in my hometown of Milford, Delaware (bless its heart) and there is snow and cold and Walmart and people who eat muskrat and we are all ok, so we have survived.

Last night we went to what was the best Superbowl party I have ever attended. I mean, we are in Ravens country over here on the Eastern Shore after all, so team spirit was in abundance, and yes, I wore my purple and ate Buffalo dip and many greasy things. It was just, really, really, really not stressful and I was surrounded by people who love me and Little Lawns and so I was a bit calmer than I've been in a long time. A very long time. Little Lawns harassed a cat and it scratched her in the face, but even that didn't end up being much of a big deal in the end. Mostly her feelings were just hurt. Her words, not mine.

I spent a good part of my morning in the local Walmart, which was interesting in a Deliverance kind of way and fascinating if you're interested in dental anomalies, which I am not. We went there because Little Lawns needed mittens. They don't sell them in Florida for obvious reasons and Saturday we drove up to the big city of Wilmington, Delaware to take my husband to the train station and then to visit my cousin who lives there and we went to a Target thinking we could get her mittens there and no, there were no mittens, although there were plenty of bathing suits, because you're certainly going to need those when it's a whopping 25 degrees out and not mittens, right? Makes a lot of sense, Target. So that's how I ended up at the Walmart this morning, where I found some nice waterproof, pink mittens for five dollars so I could take the socks off of my child's hands.

Oh, the really good news is that I got to go to Trader Joe's in Wilmington too. I was completely beside myself and it was very crowded but my cousin took Little Lawns and stood in line for me while I shopped, which was one of the greatest things anyone has done for me in a long time. One day my dream is to live near a Trader Joe's. I was so excited. I bought prepared tahini and some pumpkin butter and a mess of crackers and dips and crap I don't need but tastes good, like a sea salt, dark chocolate, caramel bar.

Lately there has been too much drama in my life. I think Florida breeds drama. Case in point. The Florida headlines are about some guy who lost his mind and murdered his two young sons in front of his estranged wife and then shot himself. The Delaware headlines are that a deer walked out on a frozen pond and fell in and two guys had to get a row boat and go out and save the deer. You'll be glad to know that the deer is ok. See, that is the difference between Florida and Delaware right there in a nutshell and that is why I am here right now and for the next month or so, and also because I want to write a memoir about what it is like to return to your rural hometown that does not have a Starbucks or a Whole Foods, after living as a yuppie for several years. It's kind of like in Baby Boom, except I don't think I'll fall in love with the handsome town vet, who I naturally hate at first, because I'm married, and I also don't think I'll start a homemade baby food company either, but the rest is the same. Oh, except that my daughter is mine and not some dead cousin's. Ok, I just really like the movie Baby Boom. We should leave it at that and I'll stop the parallels because there really aren't any.

Here's some more Delaware level drama. The state has just passed a law that you can only have four cats, which has sent one of my cousins into a total panic because, oh my God, she has FIVE cats. She is one cat over the legal cat having limit and she actually worried about this and scared that someone will find out that she has one extra cat. It's like she's harboring Anne Frank in the secret cat annex or something, like the Feline Gestapo is going to come banging on her door in a raid and force her to choose which cat has to go. It would be like a cat version of Sophie's Choice and which cat would she pick? How could she choose??? I told her the ugly orange cat with the tail tumors would be my first and most obvious choice, but she is clearly more compassionate than I am because HOW CAN YOU GET RID OF THE SICK CAT??? Oh lord, what a ridiculous mess. I tried to tell my cousin that this law is probably not often enforced and was probably enacted to protect against people who don't have five cats but instead have like 90 cats, but she remains on alert and living in fear.

So yeah, that's Delaware and I am here. 

Oh, by the way. I got Internet installed at my grandmother's house because there was a limit that I had reached. I will drive two hours to a Trader Joes. I can deal with no Whole Foods and no Starbucks, but I must have Internet. So I will blog regularly from here on out. Yay.

 

12 comments:

Diary of Why said...

Oh Lord. That post and then the ad at the bottom of your page...I don't know if everyone can see it or what, but it says, "EVER BEEN ARRESTED?" and there is a photo of a very large, very red-faced, very walrus-mustached man. Maybe his crime was having too many cats?

kerry said...

Glad you got there safe!

JoeinVegas said...

What will Grammy do with internet after you're gone? Are you teaching her to blog, or Facebook, or Tweet?

Dawn said...

Welcome home! I am in Chester County, PA, so I feel like we're practically neighbors now. Enjoy this time surrounded by your loved ones. There is nothing like family!

Melanie said...

“…which was interesting in a Deliverance kind of way and fascinating if you're interested in dental anomalies, which I am not.”

“She is one cat over the legal cat having limit and she actually worried about this and scared that someone will find out that she has one extra cat.”

Girl, you crack me up! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm in Chester County, too. welcome back to the land of TJ's and, more importantly - Wawa!

Anonymous said...

I once had a tee shirt printed with "Dela-where?"
Home of the Delaware Destroyers, naturally!

Kirby said...

BEST things at Trader Joes: dark chocolate frozen banana slices and dark chocolate covered almonds sprinkled with sea salt and turbinado sugar! imho

Vic said...

I am very excited about the new project. You will be sharing it with us at some point?

mcgrimus said...

As long as all five cats aren't in the same room at the same time, I'm sure the cat inspector will be none the wiser.

Anonymous said...

You're candy bar from Trader Joes is exactly what I love, why is there no trader joes near me?

Anonymous said...

Trader Joe's is finally coming to Miami. You can make a day trip of it

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