Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Giant Pink Toy

I'm so god damned glad that Christmas is over. 

And don't get me wrong. We had a great Christmas. A glowing, cinnamon scented, real tree, Santa Claus came to town kind of Christmas and I loved it, but I'm still glad it's over, because Christmas is exhausting. I feel like I haven't sat still since a few days before Thanksgiving and now I just want to put all the toys away and clean out my closet and get this forsaken, needle dropping tree out of my living room and back outside where it belongs and I don't want to see another cookie for at least three months. I feel like I need to go on some kind of macrobiotic cleanse like Gwyneth Paltrow or something. Maybe get acupuncture. No, cupping. Or is that so 90s?

Anyway. I need to brag about my child, mommy-blogger style.

This was the first year she really seemed to get the whole notion of Santa Claus. At first she was like, please, you can't possibly compete with Halloween. Halloween was such a big deal that every time she picks up a basket she says "Trick or Treat." I understand. On Halloween she could hardly contain herself. You could see her little mind ticking away and being like "Whoa. I get to dress up like a cat, a PINK cat no less, and knock on strangers' doors and they open the door and drop candy in my pumpkin basket and then Mommy actually, for once, lets me eat it? WOW. Halloween is the greatest thing ever."

I think Santa was almost as good.

"You mean some strange old man is going to come into our house while I'm asleep and eat cookies and drop off a mess of toys? Ok, As long as they are PINK TOYS."

Little Lawns is obsessed with the color pink. I'm trying to ignore it and I swear I didn't encourage it. I don't know how it happened, but I'm sure it's because I said before she was even born that I didn't want some princess possessed, pink tutu wearing kid running around eating nothing but easy mac. And what the hell did I get? Oh yeah. Except the easy mac. At least her macaroni and cheese is homemade. The rest though? I throw up my hands in defeat. I gave birth to a princess who loves all things pink and who prefers to dress as if she's going to a Quince ALL THE TIME. We asked her repeatedly what she wanted Santa to bring her and every time she would say "A Giant Pink Toy."

So Santa brought her a little pink kitchen and a pair of pink rain boots and so thrilled was she that she momentarily forgot about Halloween. She played with her kitchen, literally, for several hours on Christmas day.

Now the little pink kitchen has a little, retro telephone. It was so retro that I actually had to explain to her that it was a phone. How sad is that, by the way? She thinks phones are flat screened things that you tap and stick in your back pocket. This thing that you hang up? What the hell?

Anyway, so I'm cooking in my real kitchen and she's playing in her little kitchen and I see her pick up her telephone and the conversation went as follows:

Little Lawns: "Hi, Santa."

She pauses dramatically. I guess Santa was saying something to her.

"Thank you Santa. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you SO MUCH for my toys."

I about fainted. It was truly one of my finer parenting moments. My child is grateful and well mannered! And thoughtful! I had tears in my eyes.

Then yesterday we watched her new DVD of Cinderella that my cousin sent her and in the first scene Cinderella is getting up out of bed and she has to get dressed and take a shower (which consists of birds squeezing a sponge over her head, but whatever) and Little Lawns yells at the top of her lungs:


Because, yes, Little Lawns is kind and sweet and grateful, but she is still my child, which means that she wants to see Cinderella naked. She's only two years old, people. Pray for me.      


Kim Proctor-Day said...

I am glad to see the backside of Christmas too ... and I'm still silly enough to look forward to a new year optimistically. Loved the yoga post ... makes me feel like ..i dunno ...hopeful i will follow through with it and try it some day. Glad to see that first line too, the one about you writing the christmas story book, awesome :) best news ive heard in awhile

JoeinVegas said...

Wait till she starts wanting to see the prince naked.

faded said...

Wait till she is 14 and turns into a beautiful woman.

I was raised in a fairly wealthy environment. My father took us to first run shows on Broadway. All My siblings and I all had at least one extended European trip. My education was in the best private schools.

I was fairly sophisticated and worldly. Until my daughter turned drop dead gorgeous.

Then I got in touch with a part of me I never knew, my red neck side. I wanted to greet all the boys while carrying a shot gun. I wanted to ask them, "You wanna do WHAT with my daughter?"

This too will happen to you.

She is now happily married and doing well.

Calgary Lawn Care said...

I'm also glad Christmas is over, although January is always the worst month in winter.

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