Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Catch Up and the Return of Ambrosia

OK, so I guess I haven't written in a while because someone mentioned it on Twitter (I am Twitter impaired) and one person wrote me an email about it.

I just had a busy month is all. My in-laws came for ten days and it was Baby Lawns' second birthday. We had a big party with much pink and strawberry flavored sugary things and it was basically a sugar amped toddler chaos machine. After that we decided we apparently hadn't had enough over-stimulation and we went to Disney World, God help me. It took me a full two weeks to recover from the sensory assault that is Disney. That place is an introvert's worst nightmare. Now I'm having PTSD flashbacks whenever I see a princess. I curse princesses.

After that it was Halloween, which was great because for the first time in my entire life I was actually prepared for it way in advance and not scrambling at the last minute to scrape something together like I usually am. I swore that when I became a mother that I would do shit ahead of time and I've done pretty well at that so far. Baby Lawns had her costume a month before Halloween and was ready to go. I even decorated the house and bought candy on sale a week before the big day and if you know me, you will understand what a massive accomplishment this was. Now let's see if I can pull of Christmas. It's hard overcoming ADD, I tell you.

Next we had my birthday and my dad's birthday and a round of additional festivities. My birthday was great. I wanted relaxation and I got it. Lord knows I needed it. My birthday also involved banana cake and pasta with truffles on it. Basically just give me some rich food and I'm content. But of course it couldn't be my life without something embarrassing happening so I give you this anecdote.

My husband took me to a restaurant in South Beach for brunch on the morning of my birthday. I'd been dying to go to this place forever and I was super excited and because it was my birthday my husband said we could valet the car instead of driving in circles for an hour trying to find a parking spot in Miami. He had to pee so he took the baby and went tearing into the restaurant to get to the bathroom, and I dealt with the valets outside. So naturally, again because this is me, I got my period on my birthday and I had a bunch of tampons in my purse and of course because this is me, one of them fell out on the floor of the car. In front of the restaurant, in front of all the other valets at the valet stand, the guy who was parking my car picked up the fallen tampon (I am dying just writing this) and held it up and waved it around laughing.

"You might be needing this!" he called, still waving the Tampax Pearl.

All the valets pretty much doubled over in hysterics at how funny this was and all I could do was play it off and be all like "No, I'm good, thanks." MORTIFYING. Oh my God it was awful. I was so embarrassed that I didn't want to complain. but my husband was livid. complained to the manager and they comped our entire brunch, plus valet fee and then the manager went and got our car and parked it in front of the restaurant himself, so in all, I guess it was worth the humiliation. Brunch, by the way, was fabulous. If you're in Miami please visit Yardbird Southern Table. Food and service and everything (except valets) is perfect. Moral of the story? Zip up your purse.

The other big story is that my parents' ancient dog, Bombaclaat, who is so elderly that he is now blind and deaf and looks like a small, withered, rat gargoyle, is, I'm pretty sure a Highlander. The dog won't die. And even in his decrepit, blind and deaf state that fucker is still an asshole. Two weeks ago my mom let him outside in the backyard at night for a bathroom break before bed and he hobbled clean off the end of the dock into the Intracoastal. Plop. Right in the water. My mom went apoplectic. It was pitch black and she knew a blind, deaf, ancient dog like Bomba couldn't possibly survive the fall, much less swim, not to mention there was no way to get him out because my parents don't have a ladder on their dock. She started yelling for my dad, who had to come down and jump in the pitch black canal (in his clothes) to attempt to save the dog who, as of yet, had not been spotted and was possibly dead at the bottom of the waterway. Frantically, my dad swims around looking for Bombaclaat. Twenty feet away, paddling silently without a care in the world, totally unpanicked and unconcerned for his life, here comes Bombaclaat. My dad rescued him and swam to a neighbor's ladder across the canal and climbed out, cold and dripping. The dog shook himself off and resumed his never ending search for food. Can you believe it?

And speaking of food. We are busy getting ready for Thanksgiving today, like the rest of the country. We may have close to 50 people at my parents' house before all is said and done. It's going to be a big one. We had taken a few years off due to the births of the babies and had really scaled back our celebrations, but this year we're back. Party's on, people. And along with the party, Ambrosia's back. No, I'm not talking about another sad, washed up Fort Lauderdale stripper. I'm talking Ambrosia "salad" one of my family's original, classic Nasty Assed Recipes.

For some reason, probably near constant ridicule from my sister and me, my mom quit making her Ambrosia "salad" for several years, but this year, it's coming out of retirement and I admit, I'm secretly looking forward to it. You want the recipe? Here you go. Take a tub of Cool Whip. Mix in a package of orange Jell-O powder, a can of crushed pineapple, a handful of coconut, a can of mandarin oranges drained, and a handful of chopped walnuts. Save a little orange Jell-O powder to sprinkle on top if you're fancy like that. I realize that this recipe is seriously white trash and qualifies in all departments as Nasty-Assed, but, and I say this in a whisper, it's kinda not that bad. At least as I remember. I could be singing a different tune tomorrow after I actually try it. I'll let you know.

Anyway, I have to get some sweet potato pies cooked, but I'm going to try to write again later because it's my grandmother's birthday and I really want to tell you a story about her.


Becca said...

haha, we have ambrosia up here in NY as well. White trash all the way :) Sounds like quite the time with Thanksgiving!

ditzymoi said...

I can't believe that damn dog is still alive! Thanks for the update ... makes me all happy you are enjoying life with little one. I'm really excited for the family Thanksgiving stories to come! Hope you have a great holiday WL *hugs*

Living in Muddy Waters said... have to put the tiny colored marshmallows in the Ambrosia too. That's how my Polish PA relatives taught me.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Headant said...

My mother-in-law makes something similar, but with sour cream and marshmallows thrown in.

Anonymous said...

So good to get an update from you and glad to hear that you've been enjoying yourself.
I laughed so loud at Bomboclaat's antics that my husband came to find out what was going on and he had a laugh too.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.


Vic said...

There can be only one!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Melanie said...

Only you, Wide Lawns, only you would have a restaurant experience like that! LOL

Anonymous said...

Jr and I got a huge laugh over the BoomBoom story. I know Dee wasn't laughing at the time, but if I know her she'll be telling the story the next time we're together and laughing with me! I absolutely cringed at the thought of your dad jumping in that black water! Ugh! I'm black water phobic, but my pets are as dear to me as a child, so … yep I'm pretty sure I would have jumped right in there without thinking and questioned my decision later.

You handled the tampon spillage quite well, by the way!


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