Sunday, October 14, 2012

Massive Nasty-Assery

Every stinking time I think I've seen it all when it comes to disgusting food, something comes along to top it. This weekend has been a nasty assed Bacchanalia on my Pinterest and facebook. It all started with my sister finding this recipe for beef tips cooked in a crockpot with onion soup mix, cream of mushroom soup, canned mushrooms and...Sprite. Yes, that's not a typo. Sprite. I guess you could serve this with the biscuits made from Bisquick and Sprite. You know, because Sprite is an ingredient now I suppose and not a drink. Dear Sprite, you're a soda. Stay out of our food. Know your place, Sprite.

Well, someone saw this and said they found a recipe for a lemon chicken flavored with lemon Jell-O powder and then another friend of mine said she saw that lemon Jell-O chicken and raised my other friend Doritos Consomme. As in soup made out of Doritos. Cool Ranch stock if you will. It's a YouTube video. Try to watch it without gagging. I dare you. This crazy woman boils a bag of doritos, strains it, adds gelatin, freezes it, then thaws it out over some cheesecloth and eats the resulting liquid that drips out. I shit you not.

This did not satisfy my curiosity about the lemon Jell-O chicken however and so I decided to look that shit up, finding instead a recipe for something called Yummy Salad, which may be the most Nasty Assed recipe of all time. I know I say that every time, but still. I almost wish someone would make it and post pictures of it so we could see what this actually looks like. I mean, Halloween is coming up and all.

Behold
YUMMY SALAD 
1 can chicken noodle soup (undiluted)
1 (8 oz.) Philadelphia cheese
1 (3 oz.) pkg. lemon Jello
1/3 c. boiling water
1/2 c. mayonnaise (not salad dressing)
1 can shrimp, drained
1 c. combined of green onion, celery, green pepper and green stuffed olives
Heat: 1 can chicken noodle soup (undiluted). Add: 1 (8 ounce) cream cheese. Add: Package lemon Jello dissolved in 1/3 cup boiling water and 1/2 cup mayonnaise and cool. Add: 1 cup shrimp and 1 cup of cut up onion, celery, green pepper and sliced olives. Pour in 4 x 4 inch pan and chill until firm.

12 comments:

FreeDragon said...

Oh Gross!

Headant said...

Why did I read this immediately after eating?

I've tried to make lemon chicken with lemonade and it didn't work. Orange juice and bourbon, yes, but not lemonade.

You should write a diet book consisting of only nasty recipes. All the reader is required to do is read the recipes.

Cate S. said...

I watched the YouTube video; it left me hugging my blanket and rocking. Dear god, where do people get these ideas?

Anonymous said...

http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2012/09/tangy-lemon-chicken-slow-cooker-recipe.html

Even more disturbing: in the comments people wonder if they could make an orange version with orange Jello. Eeeuuww.

JG

Living in Muddy Waters said...

Why real mayo and not slad dressing? Is it for the congeal factor?

Melanie said...

Thanks, I just threw up a little bit.

My mother's 1950s Betty Crocker cookbook -- the one I used from age 10 until I left home -- didn't have anything even remotely resembling this shit you're posting about. And all I can say about that is THANK GOD our family grew up eating normal food.

(A recipe for SALAD made with condensed chicken noodle soup? Ugh!)

kerry said...

I can't even picture that in my head, which is probably a good thing.

jmm said...

You really make me laugh.

Lauren said...

I am obsessed with Sandra Lee, aka. queen of the nasty assed recipes & inventor of Doritos consomme. I made her Kwanzaa cake for a foodie friend's birthday and it made us cry twice - laughing when I surprised him with it, and in pain when we tried to eat the thing.

If you ever feel like losing all faith in humanity, go to amazon and read the positive (??!!) reviews of her books.

Also: why do Americans think that throwing a bunch of shit together and adding jello or mayonnaise makes something a salad? I don't think that we do that in Canada. Salad = vegetables.

Anonymous said...

Natalie Dee shares your views on pinterest recipes.

Whitney Hills said...

This is gross. Its a CHOW video. That scares me greatly.

Whitney Hills said...

I cant believe this is a CHOW video. scary...

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