Thursday, August 09, 2012

Thursday Morning Nonsense

The other day I called my cousin to finalize some of our vacation plans and I hadn't talked to her in a couple months because she's been really busy. Not a problem because we are true soul mates and can pick up where we left off at any moment and a couple months don't matter. Anyway, we got our plans squared away; she's taking Baby Lawns on a merry-go-round and that is all I've heard from the child's mouth since. "Mommy, trip, trip, 'cation, merry go round, ok? yeah!"

Then I asked my cousin what's been going on with her lately and her answer, verbatim, was:

"Oh you know, getting ready to go to Atlantis on Labor Day, helping Jenny with her wedding plans, dress fittings, showers all that, my mom had hemorrhoid surgery, went to the beach a couple times and I'm dating an amputee!"

Obviously it's not a big deal to date someone with one leg. It was just how she said it that cracked me up. She said she doesn't even notice. What I found more interesting is that she said he is really shy about missing a leg and that she is the only girl he has dated since his accident because girls, upon finding out he had a fake leg, would suddenly disappear. Why, I wonder? He's perfectly functional. I don't think it would bother me either and how about that South African guy in the Olympics with no feet? Not only did he come in second place, he was also hot. That's because he's from South Africa though and I remain convinced that there isn't a single ugly person in that country. So girls won't date amputees? Is that common? I mean, I can see men not wanting to date female amputees, but overall, I thought women were much more forgiving about bodily imperfections.

Also from the crazy world of dating...

My sister's friend has had a crush on this cop for ages and she finally started dating him and things were going pretty well. The other night, having planned that this was the night they were going to do the deed for the first time, she went through an elaborate crotch grooming, hair removing procedure. This should be familiar to all single women about to get some with a new person. They go on their date and end up in bed and woe to her, but the guy announces, after all of her preparation, that, and I quote, he prefers his women to have "A puffy mound." God help her. Instant turn off (not his hair preference, but his word choice). Turns out he has a fetish for wild pubic hair. Doesn't it just figure?

I'm so glad I'm not single. 

In other news, I found a nasty-assed recipe this morning that I had to share. I found it on Pinterest, of course, and the link doesn't work, but the recipe is posted under the picture. You can find it on my nasty-assed recipes board. Oreo Dip people. Combine instant white chocolate pudding, Cool-Whip, crushed Oreos and mini-marshmallows. Vile. I have no idea what you're supposed to dip into this grey, chemical sludge of sugar and artificial flavorings. Who eats this crap? Why the trend of dessert dips lately? Gross, just gross. I haven't looked, but I'll bet there exists a red velvet dip somewhere. Mark my words and I'd also be willing to bet that someone on Pinterest has put it into a Mason jar.

Have a good day, y'all. Still working on the story about the nekkid beach.


kerry said...

Can't see myself being terribly concerned with someone who has lost a limb. Their personality and face are what I look for- and those didn't change when they had whatever it was happen. I hope this guy makes your sister happy.

JoeinVegas said...

Thank you for continuing the nasty recipes information. It is amazing what people eat. We used to go to pot lucks with a big group, and there was always something a lot of people thought horrible but it usually was gone (eaten up by others) by the end of the event.

Anonymous said...

I really miss reading "Living In Muddy Waters". I hope she's doing okay and all. I think my own family is so pathetic that I've connected to a Blogger family and she was one of them, like you are.
People that made sense and shared their lives and hopes and sorrows while trying to work out the world. I was reading a few comments ago and saw she had posted and hope she sees this and knows an anonymous reader out there misses her and wishes her well . . .

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