Friday, August 10, 2012

My China

God help me. No matter how hard I try to do the right thing as a parent...

So the other day I was reading some blogs by mothers about teaching their toddlers the appropriate names for their, umm, parts and I hadn't given this much thought. I grew up saying pee-pee, but apparently that teaches your daughter to be ashamed of her womanhood and somehow causes child rapists to go free in a court of law, so I was like, ok, vagina. I have to teach her vagina. Head, shoulders, knees and toes and VAGINA. Fine. I will teach her vagina so that she can grow up and perform Eve Ensler and go to a small, expensive liberal arts college and feel empowered. Because I didn't do any of those things myself and it has to be because I called it a pee-pee.

I taught her vagina and she was all like, whatever Mommy, vagina.

Now, all week we've been watching the Olympics and the child is just entranced. Loves watching all the events. Yesterday we were particularly loving synchronized swimming and the Chinese team came on, in gorgeous swimsuits and Little Lawns latched on to the announcer saying "China." A look of confusion crossed her face which gave way to excitement.

"CHINA MOMMY!! CHINA!!" she yelled pointing at her crotch.

Yeah, I can't win.

11 comments:

Living in Muddy Waters said...

I tried to do the same thing with E and somehow she always ended up calling it "pashmina". So now we just say nether regions.

Saffron said...

I'm bad, I say privates, girly bits and hoo ha.

Green said...

Not to be difficult, but the vagina is only a part of the vulva. Teaching vagina is like, so 2002. Nowadays, everyone's all about teaching girls to say vulva.

Heather said...

That's awesome. I taught my girls to say Vagina too, except they seem to assume that everyone has a vagina, which leads to situations where I walk into a room, my husband is doubled in pain and the youngest announces, "I accidentally kicked Daddy in the vagina, Mommy!" I think that counts as hurting twice.

Jen said...

Well sheesh...I'm soooo ahead of the times I guess...I chose vulva when I taught my daughter, way back in 2001. ;)

Saffron said...

Both vagina and vulva are too clinical for my taste. I don't tell my kids not to stick their phalanges in the peanut butter or that they broke their radius and/or ulna. I don't see how any one word makes any difference in perception. Her vagina should be private... thus privates. The rest are just fun to say. lol

Tooter said...

My Mom tried that with my brothers, but they call it a peanut butter instead of penis.

Hey Muddy Waters, is your blog down? I REALLY MISS YOU!! You and Wide Lawns are my go to sites everyday.

DD_DEL said...

My granddaughter's father and his parents insisted that she would call her vagina, "vagina" and call penis, "penis", much to my dismay. Common sense told me that there would be a day she would talk about her vagina, whether for a valid reason or simply because she liked saying "vagina" (which she did), in an inappropriate place. I was especially conscious of the possibility when we were at the grocery store since we were there often. As it turned out, the first time wasn't in the grocery story. Trust me on this, sitting in church, full to capacity, in the middle of a sermon, she spoke during a moment of silence, "Mom Mom, my vagina hurts." Understandably, people chuckled and a few laughed out loud. I wanted to disappear! I assure you, it did not go unnoticed by this very smart two year old, already exhibiting a much older child's innocent wit, sense of humor and comedic timing (yes, that's right - she would (unknowing) nail a one-liner and make the room roar, and wonder why everyone was laughing). These occurrences became fewer and farther apart after her 3d hear, thank God!!

Melanie said...

It seems that the lesson to be learned from DD_DEL's comment, above, is to teach your child to call her privates a unique code name, like, I don't know, "ceiling fan," or something. No one will know what the heck she's talking about if she doesn't call it "vagina," "hoo-ha" or "lady bits"; consequently they will ignore her and they certainly won't laugh at her. :)

I guess that's why my dad taught us to say "let a murphy" instead of "let a fart." No one understood what we were saying except the immediate family.

Miss Kitty said...

BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!! Oh Lord, that is so funny!

At least it makes for hilarious and embarrassing stories to one day tell Baby Lawns' teenage dates. Heh-heh.

Plume said...

Mmm, you might like this:
http://www.lilblueboo.com/2012/10/fine-china.html#more-26398

I can't find the original post where she explained how this began...

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