Tuesday, April 10, 2012

OK, Ok New Post - Me and My Paddle

Ok, Ok, sorry. I've been sleeping and writing my memoir, but today I realized I seriously owed you a post.

I am alive. I swear. My book is almost done. I wish I had more writing time but I don't and some days I'm so tired that when the baby naps I do too. And also I could have had this book written ages ago were it not for Pinterest, but I don't want to discuss my pinning issue.

I've also taken up paddle boarding. This is shocking because I hate physical activity of any kind, but turns out I can paddle board and trick myself into having such a good time looking at fish and whatnot and trying to avoid perceived but non-existent sharks that I have no idea that I'm exercising. It's wonderful.

When I was pregnant and mad about it I used to drive by the beach and see the paddle boarders all out there having a great old time and I would pity myself that I couldn't do it. I swore that once I gave birth and the baby was old enough that I would try it because it seemed like something I would love. For those of you who don't live near the ocean, paddle boarding is basically standing up on a surfboard and using one long oar to paddle yourself around.

A few months ago my husband bought a paddle board and jumped right on it and took off as if he'd been doing it his entire life and he was instantly an expert. This made me mad. I decided I needed to do it too and I tried and tried while my husband and the baby looked on and I must have fallen twenty five times, scrambling back up every time not because of determination but because I truly believed I was going to be eaten by sharks if I didn't. It was incredibly stressful and the entire time my husband was yelling from the shore for me to keep my feet straight and to start paddling and it just made me madder and madder and madder until I finally figured the damned thing out.

The secret to paddle boarding, by which I mean staying on the board, is believing that a great white is below you waiting for you to fall off. And I do believe this, so whenever I stand up and start paddling, it is always for dear life and I stay on and keep going because I know if I stop I am chum.

The first time I managed to stay up and actually paddle somewhere lots of people on the beach were cheering and clapping. Then I noticed that several other paddle boarders, including a dog for God's sakes (and if a boxer can stay up surely I can too) were smiling broadly as I paddled by (yes even the dog smiled). I was so pleased with myself. I really was. I was so excited. Finally there was something athletic that I could actually do. Finally. After all these years, I had found my sport and other people were happy for me too and celebrating this with me. It was such a beautiful moment. I was truly one with the Universe. I even saw a giant sting ray and everything was so beautiful and the people on the beach were still laughing and clapping and even pointing at me now. They were pointing at me celebrating my success as a paddle boarder because people are good like that and the world is good and everything is good.

And then I looked down and realized that in all of my falling off the board and scrambling to get back on that my bathing suit top had slipped down to my waist and that I was actually paddle boarding topless.


JDogg said...

Well done there. I am surprised with you paddle boarding - I had the same thought about your sporting ability.

Steph in Tampa said...

Ha! That's hysterical!

I live in FL by the water, and learning to paddle board has been on my list of things to do for a long time now. I guess I need to just get off my ass and go do it. Perhaps I'll wear a one piece, though. :)

Glad to see you back posting!

Steph in Tampa said...


I'm addicted to Pinterested, too.

Also- congrats on your progress with the book!

S. Kim Milk said...

Congratulations on finding a sport that fits you, even if you accidentally flashed some people your ta tas. Its great to hear about how the novel is coming along, a lot of people are looking forward to it (myself included)

kerry said...

Glad you're enjoying the paddle-boarding! I've watched people do it, and they seem to be having a good time.

Sunny said...

If there are no pictures on Facebook, it didn't happen. No harm, no foul.

Paddle boarding in Florida is so awesome! We also go in-land to the marshes and creeks, you see so much looking down IN the water instead of just out over it.

Glad you are having fun, now get back to writing!

Bill said...

You are the best!

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