Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Baby Monitors - A Cautionary Tale

The seventeen dollar baby monitor I bought at Walmart last month is about the best purchase I've made in ages. How did I go nearly a year without one of these things? Why didn't someone tell me? I know, I'm clueless at parenting. I also didn't understand the whole playdate concept and had no clue you were supposed to bring hostess gifts, but that's another story.

The baby monitor is wonderful and allows me all sorts of freedoms, but it comes with some potential for embarrassment, like if your neighbors have babies too and your monitors are set on the same channel and then suddenly you end up having each other under surveillance.

And then this, this HYPOTHETICAL situation.

Imagine your joy at just having discovered the freedoms afforded by the baby monitor. Say you're just so happy that you take it with you to a party with lots of people you admire and you're really excited about attending and then let's say that your baby goes to sleep in the guest room in her pack n play and you get the baby monitor all hooked up so you can go back to the party and have a grand old time while the baby sleeps and you are just so pleased with yourself. You didn't need a babysitter or anything.

Perhaps in an hour or so your baby wakes up and cries and you hear it on the baby monitor you are so excited about and you rush off to comfort her, or him as the case may be and then let's say that in your haste you forgot the receiving end of the monitor on the dinner table where your friends are still lingering after dinner enjoying coffee and dessert.

Here is my advice to you if you find yourself in this again, hypothetical situation which I'm not saying actually happened to me, although it could have. Maybe.

Take the receiver with you because you might end up going into the bedroom to get the baby and then finding that all of a sudden out of nowhere you have to poop and you might thank God that the bedroom has a bathroom attached and that the baby can see you on the toilet from the pack n play. And if the baby cries and fusses while you are on the toilet, please, please don't start making up a song that may or may not go "Mommy is Pooping! Pooping Mommy! Poo Poo Mommy Poo Poo Poo!"

Because once you finish and get the baby settled back down and you are ready to rejoin the dinner party, when you return to the table you may be met with an awkward silence. Your friends may appear to be trying very hard not to laugh. Others may not be able to make eye contact with you. One of them might even call and sing the "Poo Poo Mommy" song on your voice mail the next day.

And again, I'm not saying this happened to me. I just want to make sure that it doesn't happen to you. Just in case. That's all I'm trying to do.


Huh? said...

And although I know this was supposed to be about the baby monitors, after reading the first paragraph, all I could think was
What? A hostess gift? For the playdate?
I guess me and my friends are clueless too.

Suffer Kate said...

Holy moly, that's the funniest thing that's ever HYPOTHETICALLY happened! However, just wait until she can talk. I still cringe when I remember what my daughter announced to a store full of people one day. Just let it suffice to say, I stopped letting her shower with me after that.

rosie-b said...

Too funny! Glad to see you're feeling better. Being sick with a sick baby is just awful.

Dawn said...

I'm glad you're better! (Maybe you just need to poop? Ha!)

Mrs. Gumby said...

Hey, Wide Lawns. Sounds like you need to get a copy of the children's book, "Everybody Poops" for Baby. She'd probably like it... along with your special song.

Giggle, snort, snicker

Breton Wench said...

Ouch !!!
But seriously - presents for mommy? Whose play date IS this ??

Miss Kitty said...


Yes, that's the funniest hypothetical baby-monitor story I've ever heard! HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAAAA!!!

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick said...

Hypothetical, my ass. Our baby monitor got us into all kinds of trouble. Forgetting that the transmitter is on and who might be on the receiving end, including the neighbors who, as you mentioned, might have a baby monitor of their own. Also, don't use the baby's room to pull your husband aside during a dinner at your house, and talk about sensitive topics. Yeah, the baby monitor is probably on. And you probably left the receiver in the dining room with the guests.

English said...

That. is. hysterical.

LegalMist said...

That is the funniest hypothetical thing I've read in a really hypothetically long time!

Hostess gifts? For playdates? What strange dimension do you inhabit?

(Or maybe that's why I never got invited for a second play date?)

michelle said...

Laughing so hard, it's difficult to type.

Daniel Dickey said...

Very funny.

video baby monitor reviews said...

There are red lights on the front of the camera which most people find are not too bright, but a few people have experienced these lights to flash every 5 seconds which in turn makes the vision on the monitor flash also

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