Saturday, July 30, 2011

Nasty Assed Recipes - 19 Pukes and Counting

I am ashamed to admit that I have an ongoing train-wreck kind of fascination with the Duggars. You know, they're the Jesus freaks out in Arkansas with the nineteen kids (and apparently counting). They're the Quiverfull movement's poster family and they have a show on TLC, which I can not get enough of, though I have no idea why because nothing ever happens on any episode. They just show them being happy having almost twenty kids and it's totally obvious that the show is highly contrived and edited and that as soon as those cameras stop rolling I'm pretty sure old Jim Bob starts whooping everybody's ass and acting like the tyrant he surely believes God intends him to be as head of that household. I know damn well that the show is whitewashed to make them look all sweet and happy and that in twenty years or possibly less, one of those nineteen kids is going to break free and write a tell-all and I'm going to be the first to eat it up.

What I'm not going to eat up is any of the Duggar family's recipes. God help these people. I mean that. Really. They have a web site and on it is a recipes page and it is a treasure trove of nasty-assery. They are from Arkansas after all and that's the state where I  encountered some of the worst nasty recipes I'd ever seen. Check it out here. I'm scared to copy and paste any of the actual recipes because they have all kinds of copyrights, though why I have no idea. Basically, it looks like the nineteen kids are being raised on processed garbage and a whole lot of canned soup. Tater-tot casserole? Are you kidding me? A soup where the base is ranch dressing? Gag. There's also a lot of Velveeta going on, as one would expect.

Dear Duggars, God does not want you to eat like this. It is a sin to mix hash browns with mushroom soup and then put cornflakes on top of them. The Baby Jesus cries whenever you feed your kids a casserole.

12 comments:

Ellen said...

I am also awaiting the tell-all book or books. I'll bet reality in that household is disturbing, and proportional to the fresh-faced, smiling facade that they present to the public.

An acquaintance of mine has a funny line about what marital relations must be like for Ol' Jim Bob: she says it must be like throwing a hot dog down the hallway.

One would think that with all those hands to keep busy and away from the devil's workshop, they'd spend more effort cooking from scratch, and honoring the temples that their bodies are according to God, instead of packing them with processed crap.

Head Ant said...

I have always wondered what people saw in the tater tot casserole. It sounds repulsive.

You would think with that many kids and as homeschoolers, they would have a nice garden to get fresh food from.

wagthedada said...

OK, so the ranch dressing soup is what freaks me out. I just ate a bunch of bratwurst and potatoes, and the thought of ranch dressing and soup is enough to keep me puking. I don't dare check out that recipe link, yo.

I agree with head ant. If you have that many kids, wouldn't you get a bunch of cows and goats and shit and also plant a garden and go organic out of sheer terror of financial ruin? Seems the thing to me to do. Make your own cheese, tater tots and velveeta cannot be cheaper than sending the kids out to make cheese and peel potatoes. Hell, you could get an army potato peeler for all of your potato needs. How much does a bag of tater tots cost anyway? And how many do you need for the casserole?

Yech.

Melissa said...

My money is on Jinger to be the one to break free and write a tell-all. Girl has a master's degree in eye-rolling.

Robin in Ohio said...

Yes, why don't they plant a garden? It's a wonderful teachable moment (how plants grow, etc.)especially since they're all into homeschooling, etc. I'm no wonder cook, but it's so easy to make a fresh tomato sauce. I made some today for lunch and my family loved it. Here's the one we like http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/fresh-tomato-sauce/detail.aspx

I'll bet Baby Jesus would like the fresh tomato sauce, too. Just say "NO" to Tator Tot casseroles! Ick!

Dawn said...

Yes to this whole post!

When I was leaving the pool on Thursday with one kid crying, one kid angry, and one kid left at home playing on the computer, I thought, "Michelle Duggar would not raise her voice to these angels from God like I just did!" Three kids would be a vacation for Michelle Duggar. Surely Jim Bob sneaks some Xanax in that tater tot casserole, because no normal human can be that sweet and that calm. All.the.time.

JTN said...

I think eventually there will be a tell all book from one of the kids... if you want a little amusement, google "josh duggar" and 'sin in the camp'. My guess is that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Everything I've read about the quiverfull lifestyle, the prepackaged, processed foods are really out of step with the majority of that community. There is an emphasis on baking your own bread, growing your own food, etc.

The only way that family works is every older girl is assigned a younger 'buddy' which is a child they effectively raise. I wonder if the oldest 4 girls feel like they are trapped. I can't really see them going to college or getting married because of their 'place' in the family. I'm betting one of them will rebel at some point when they realize they are older than their parents were when they started families yet they are still raising their siblings.

JoeinVegas said...

None of those recipes look like enough to feed 6, much less 21. They probably make everything in the five gallon size.

Handy Man, Crafty Woman said...

I agree w/ Melissa. I vote for Jinger to be the one to write the tell-all book someday.

or maybe, cousin Amy. I like her!

Sunny said...

Couldn't get through all the recipes, just horrible. I can understand how they have to be frugal and make food for a crowd, but I've done that while cooking for a church children's group, and believe me I never served tater tot casserole. I don't know if I'm looking for a tell-all book. I don't think it will be very juicy. I think they are basically boring people that set themselves apart by adhering to a lifestyle that that allows them to feel better about themselves. But I think that about vegetarians too.

Miss Kitty said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

LMFAO at this! OMG, Wide Lawns, you have totally made my day with this post. Yes, those are some nasty-assed recipes. My mom's mother had 8 kids, and my dad's mother had 5 kids...but they also didn't have Velveeta or Tater Tots. Come to think of it, my Southern grandma would probably have refused to show her face in public if she'd had to serve her kids tater tots. And a soup base from ranch dressing?!? "Jeezus GAWD!" as Maw-Maw would say.

Can't wait to see all the drinking, drugging, and kinky sexing those kids do once they get out. The younger ones, I mean, who are being raised by siblings and therefore aren't as close to the brainwashing from Mama & Daddy.

Ditto on your assessment of what Jim Bob must be like when the cameras aren't on. I know a LOT of men like him here in small town/rural Georgia who raise their families the same way...the damage they're doing to their kids and wives, and as a result to society, is incredible.

Deneen said...

OMG. The "Inexpensive Fabric Softener" recipes look like the healthiest thing on that list.

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