Saturday, April 02, 2011

Thank You

Thank you for all your comments and messages, both public and private. I don't know what to say. Writing things like that is hard for me, but I feel so much better having gotten it out.

I received so many emails that I don't know if I'll have time to be able to answer them all, but please know that I read every single one of them and that they were all encouraging and kind and appreciated. I love hearing from you and please know that you are all free to email me whenever you want about anything.

Many of you asked if my husband is supportive of me through this illness. Yes! Yes he is and his help has made it so much easier. Like I said, we're talking to someone and she has helped us tremendously through our individual difficulties and our struggles as a couple, which thankfully are really not that bad. She helps us with parenting too. My husband is an amazing father and Baby Lawns loves him so much that she shakes and squeals when he comes home from work. He takes her on long walks and plays with her so that I can get some time alone, which we determined was necessary for my well being and helps me face my separation anxiety and control issues. I hated it at first, but now I welcome the time by myself. I'm having it right now!

My family is immensely helpful too. Having them on the same block is a true godsend. Yes, they think I'm crazy, but they help me, especially my father. You wouldn't believe how wild this man is about his grandbabies. My mom too. Nothing those babies does aggravates or inconveniences her at all.

So, it's hard dealing with an honest to goodness mental illness, and I hate calling it that. There's such a stigma attached. It sounds so gross. Every time I hear the word mental illness I remember these school trips we had to take to Rockland Psychiatric Center (yes the one from Howl!) in middle school to play with the patients. It was like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in there. I hated going and I don't want to be like those people. Not that I am, but the word "mental illness" conjures up that connotation for me and is scary.

But you know what? It's going to be ok.


JDogg said...

You went to RPC and I went to Letchworth at that time. What is difficult for me to accept is that J-Pup would have been placed there had she been born 30 years earlier.

EricaM said...

oH MY God!!!! You went to Rockland psych to PLAY?? My grandmother was a psychiatric nurse at a psych. center where I grew up, Mohawk Valley Psychiatric Center and I used to go with her on 'outings' with her patients, SO CRAZY. One time when I was hanging out in NYC on my way back I stopped to 'check out' rockland psych.. and it was so creepy. It was really huge, all those empty buildings sprawled out, almost completely covered in overgrowth of vines and trees. The insides were even creepier, I just kinda happened to find a way in and there were obvious signs of people living in the old buildings. Plus, random patients sitting on benches rocking themselves, etc. Is that really safe for kids to be around??

Anonymous said...

Dear W.L.,
Babies will most definitely make their parents feel crazed and out of control, because we are, to an extent. Take consolation from your husband, family, friends and us, your readers. We love you and we know you will do fine. Mothering is THE hardest job in the world. That's why we all have difficulties from time to time. Babies are wonderful, but, they are not easy.
With Love and Courage,
Lil Skraps

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick said...

Once again, you're so brave to put it all out there. You're going to find that there are so many people who are going through the same things, or who have gone through them. I've never sought psych help, but I had a fear of choking that was so bad that I would have been locked up for it, had I told anyone. I used to avoid big family dinners because I was afraid a child would be given a hot dog by his mom and I would have to sit there silent and still, worrying that he'd choke. Sometimes, out of the blue, I would think, "I wonder if there is a child somewhere choking . . ." I still have a whole collection of choking-to-death stories. Before we got married, I told my husband I would not have children until I cured myself of this fear, or I would have to put all of their food in a blender until they were 18. My family still makes fun of me cutting up my kids' food really small.

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