Saturday, February 26, 2011

Maid - A Mess Part 2

"She's like an angel from Heaven."

"I never have to worry about her stealing from my home."

"She won't try to mess with my husband."

"I just really feel I can trust her with my life. I don't have a fear in the world about handing her the keys to my house."

These are all things my mother said about Kimmy.

I made Kimmy a list of things to do in the house every day. She asked for instructions because she wanted to do what we wanted, so I typed up a detailed set for her right down to what towels went in which bathrooms and how to feed the dogs. Kimmy even asked me questions and made notes.

Kimmy came and cleaned the house every day. She waited on us hand and foot although we didn't ask her to (remember this is when I was living at my parents' house last summer because my house had mold).

She came to work on time every day and every night Paul would come to pick her up. They seemed so wholesome and so virtuous that I actually felt ashamed of myself for watching True Blood when she was in the house.

Things were great. My parents left for California for a month and I felt completely at ease with Kimmy being in the house when I wasn't there. I thought, wow, we finally found someone great. I enjoyed her company because she was sweet, innocent and funny, but things started to change after my parents came home and after the babies were born.

I spent at least six weeks after Baby Lawns' birth in a total haze of new parent chaos and anxiety. I wasn't sleeping. I was recovering from a C section and trying to figure out how to keep an entire human being alive that depended wholly on me for her survival. I didn't even remember Kimmy existed until I saw her at Thanksgiving and my mom mentioned that Kimmy was getting lazy. She had caught her sitting on boxes in the garage texting when she thought no one would find her. She stopped following her list. Some of the toilets were getting mildewy and the floors hadn't been vacuumed in far too long. Each time I pulled a dish from the cabinet I'd have to rinse it off because it would be oily or have food crusted on it. I started noticing dog hair on the stairs, laundry piling up and dust on the furniture, yet still Kimmy was coming every day. What on earth was she doing then? 

I gave Kimmy a pass because my parents' friends the Eyebrow People came back to stay for a couple weeks and brought their six month old baby boy. The Eyebrow People got really friendly with Kimmy and they were paying her to babysit after she was done cleaning on certain nights so they could go out. Kimmy also helped them out during the days as needed, so she ended up being kind of like their nanny. I thought this was probably keeping her too busy to assume her other duties and that as soon as they left she'd be back to her old, hardworking self again.


On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, I was at my parents' house baking what ended being an avalanche of cookies. We were all there getting ready for the evening. This year we did Christmas Eve at my parents' house and then Christmas day at our neighbor's house, so we were preparing a big dinner for that evening. Kimmy was scheduled to work and assured us she would be there and had no problem working on the holiday. It is important to note here that no one required Kimmy to work on the holiday. My family is compassionate and easy going and not so spoiled that we can't clean up after ourselves if need be. We don't prefer to if we're paying someone an actual livable wage to do it for us, but we can wash some dishes and scrub the stove if we have to. We aren't a snooty, spoiled bunch of people and my parents are the kindest people you'd ever want to work for. I mean honestly. They bought Socorro a car for Christmas one year and they never complained about giving their housekeepers days off to be with their own families on special occasions.

But that said, Kimmy told us she was working Christmas Eve and day and we planned on having the extra help.

As I added the last bag of chocolate chips to the batter, Kimmy burst into the house an hour before she was scheduled and she was in total hysterics.

"I can't work. I'm so sorry. I just find out my grandma have cancer and they're taking her off life support and Paul is driving me to the airport so I can see her in Connecticut. They're waiting to take her off life support for me to get there. I have to leave right now. I won't be back until the day after New Year's Day."

Then she cried and made a scene and asked for her paycheck early so she'd have money in Connecticut and after my dad wrote it out for her, she left.

"Oh what a shame. How sad to have that tragedy during the holidays," my mom sighed, "What awful timing."

"She's full of shit," I said.

Everyone looked at me in horror.

"Why would you say that?" my dad asked.

Look, I taught college. I can tell when young adults are full of shit. I've seen so much bullshit that I could have worked at a cattle ranch. The one excuse they always use, every time is the dying grandparent. I've had so many of my students' grandparents die that you'd think something about being in my class was causing it. My students were constantly trying to tell me their grandparents were dead/dying to get out of exams, papers or even just having to come to class. I've heard every possible variation on the theme of the dead grandparent and Kimmy delivered her yarn just like one of my students with all the drama and none of the good sense to keep her story straight or even factual.

"Umm, " I said, "The fact that she said she's on her way to Connecticut right now and that Paul was waiting in our driveway to drive her straight to the airport but she's wearing a halter top and shorts with flip flops is certainly a red flag. Not exactly what you'd wear to New England in the winter is it?"

Not only that it was the timing - Christmas Eve to the day after New Years? Come on. How convenient is that? That's the week when no one wants to work. That's holiday week. She just wanted a vacation. Flat out. She was a liar and I was on to her game.

"Well, we'll give her the benefit of the doubt even though it's suspect," my parents said.

I decided to keep my eye on Kimmy and it's a good thing I did.

To Be Continued...


Robin in Ohio said...

Arrrggh! Another cliffhanger!!

Melanie said...

The suspense is killing me! :)

Island Mama said...

Ooohhh... can't wait to hear the next installment. :D

Mamie said...

Squeeee! A great story on a rainy afternoon! CAN'T WAIT for the next installment!

Anonymous said...

i just came across your blog and i love it ... please finish the story! or maybe you should have a contest, and you can have one of your readers finish it : )

Kerry said...

Good thing you know how to spot a liar! Can't wait to hear what happens next.

Anonymous said...

Huh...the only fake excuse I ever heard was about Ramadan (like I didn't know it was over). (Side note: that student also helped another student cheat on an assignment and then went on to be a grad student in our department after I graduated.) Other than that, I never got excuses that weren't documented by clinic notes, traffic tickets, police reports, or (my fav) parole-related court appointment notices. I wonder why students never bothered to lie to me. It must be the raised eyebrow.


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