Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Birth Story - Part 2

So there I was just having had an epidural and starting to enjoy 80% less pain when the nurse came in and said it was C-section time. I thought everything was fine, so I was taken off guard and I asked her what was wrong. She showed me a print out from a machine and said she saw it, was a little concerned and called my doctor, but for me not to worry about it.

"Don't worry. It's going to be ok. We're going to fix it," she said.

Fix it. I'll never forget her saying that. Fix what? What was broken?

At that moment a girl who looked like Jill Scott, except with a totally shaved head, came in and an episode ensued which even I, in the moment, found awkwardly hilarious.

Bald Jill Scott was there to, umm, shave me. Now throughout my last part of pregnancy I had become increasingly self conscious about my inability to, well, groom my bikini area effectively. It's hard when you can't see and when you have a huge, cumbersome belly! I had done my best and decided that the doctors and nurses must be used to pregnant women who can't shave, so who cared right? Ugghh. No. No. Bald Jill Scott would fix it though.

When Bald Jill Scott arrived with her clippers I immediately began apologizing for my state of affairs.

"I tried to use the clippers at home, but I couldn't get a good angle because I couldn't see and I thought I might cut something and lord knows I wasn't going to ask my husband because he might clip something important, so I just thought it would be ok to let it go a little and jeez, this is so mortifying. I'm so sorry. You know, when I'm not pregnant I keep it a lot nicer, I swear, I really do. I didn't mean to come in here all looking like 1976, I promise."

There is no dignity in childbirth.  When Bald Jill Scott finished, the other nurse said she went crazy with the clippers and made me look like a plucked chicken. I almost died right there. But then I started cracking up because it seemed like Bald Jill Scott really took her job seriously. I mean, look at her own head! This girl was out of control with the clippers. Luckily we all had a great sense of humor.

Next Bald Jill Scott made me drink something about the size of a shot and she warned me it tasted nasty, but it smelled good so I didn't believe her. It was to neutralize stomach acid. It truly tasted nasty - like lemon and ass. I took forever to drink it and the nurses got impatient and said I had to hurry because we needed to get this baby out. That scared me so I tried to shoot it.

Did I mention that I had no idea where my husband was?

He left during the epidural and I guess they found him in the hall and whisked him away to get dressed and cleaned for surgery, but I didn't know that.

At this point, I was overcome with sheer terror. I have never had an operation save for some mole removals. I had never even really been in the hospital before. 

They wheeled my bed down the hall and into the OR and I just didn't like the looks of that room. It was really not a warm, cozy kind of place and I caught a glimpse of some instruments which freaked me out. SCISSORS?? Oh God. By that time I was shaking uncontrollably and it was just like all of a sudden people were everywhere around me and there was my husband, but they were yelling at him not to look and putting up this big blue tarp thing in front of me and then they were strapping down my arms, which really scared the hell out of me and my doctor was there looking very, gravely serious.

My doctor had been the source of much amusement throughout my pregnancy, what with his new agey ideas and all. Sometimes he seemed kind of goofy and flaky to me, though always kind. In the OR he was a totally different man and I realized this was why one of the top surgeons in South Florida had used my doctor to deliver his own children. My doctor had what Cesar Milan (yes the Dog Whisperer) calls calm assertiveness. This demeanor made me feel a little more assured, but honestly, everyone was in such a hurry and they all looked so serious that I was still freaked out.

A second anesthesiologist came in and he was very young, very gay and very adorable and Hispanic. He started doing something behind me and asking me questions when suddenly I became so delirious that I couldn't hear anything and was very confused. He began tapping me on the forehead.

Then I felt the cutting and panicked, but I couldn't move.

"I feel it!! I feel it!!" I kept shouting.

"I'll give you more -" I heard him say.

But the doctor didn't stop and I still felt it.

"It will stop soon, don't worry but we have to get the baby out," the anesthesiologist said and then he just sat behind me and held my hand why my husband held my other hand and I screamed.

I remember hearing myself scream and I remember the anesthesiologist trying to calm me down. My husband says he tried to play me some Bob Marley on his phone but I couldn't hear it.

The feeling was of being ripped apart and stepped on by an elephant all at once. I couldn't breathe and I just screamed. Then I just kind of gave up. A nurse told me they were getting the baby out and it was almost over and another nurse said to give me morphine.

Then my original nurse, who had alerted my doctor in the first place, sighed.

"Oh. God."

You don't want to hear that during surgery and certainly not during the delivery of your baby.

To be continued...

*** As I write, my sister is in the hospital in labor!!! Baby Cousin will be here soon!!***


Living in Muddy Waters said...

Your pregnancy story is exactly why I never publish mine, because I don't want to scare anyone who is pregant.

Shortly after I gave birth I read Naomi Wolf's "Misconceptions". She describes my labor experience to a tee. You should read it now.

Joy said...

I too have a very similar delivery story. They gave me morphine too. Turns out I'm allergic. So add seizure to all of the rest and you've pretty much got my story. I never had another child. And I too should work for planned parenthood. seriously.

Tara said...

I too ended up not going into labor, but they let me go 10 days over. It happened in a similar way to what I'm reading so far. They tried to dilate me but told me that unless I started to dilate they couldn't induce labor. When all that failed they basically got me ready to go into the OR. I felt alot of pressure and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Recovered sucked and I had a shit nurse my second night who forgot to give me pain meds. Almost sent me clear over the edge. It's clear to me that woman shouldn't be allowed to care for animals let alone human beings. There's really not much to say except - you will feel like you've been cut open for a minimum of 6 months post surgery. No one tells you that your incision will ache and it's a long time before you feel like you weren't sliced open like a thanksgiving turkey.

Mamie said...

OMG, I can't believe you left off the story right there! Waiting breathlessly for the next installment....

Johnny Virgil said...

killing me with the cliffhangers.

Delainie said...

Childbirth is a scary thing. I'm so sorry that it didn't go as you had hoped. Mine didn't either. I wonder if any of them do? My son was 7 weeks early. No one was shy about telling me there was a good chance he wouldn't make it(he did). They brought so many people into the room that I thought we were going to need some bleachers. I had to make my own mother leave because I was so clausterphobic. I went home alone, empty and sad. There's so much more I'm not ready to talk about.

Please please continue this and tell us she's ok. Somehow all of that pain and agony becomes worth it.

Anonymous said...

Exactly...I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the cliff, the rocks are starting to slide off ....

Tell us please!

p.s. love the story.

EricaM said...

Holy Sh** WL!

Anonymous said...

I have never loved my IUD so much as I do right now.

Anonymous said...

I'm not not going to go into all the details of my first unexpected C-Section delivery, but suffice to say it was similar and most definetely not what I expected of childbirth and not what I would ever repeat to an expectant mother. Nothing anyone says can prepare you for it except to scare the Sh**t out of them. What struck home with me the most is how you remember something someone says during the process and you will never forget it. It's been nearly 21 years and still they are with me. One of mine; "Well, I think he'll fit" (this was spoken with a midwife's hand deep inside my hooha while she felt around the baby's head) My response was to sit up and shout at her through my open knees, "THINK HE'LL FIT? WILL HE F**KING FIT OR NOT?" I'll not gross everyone out with anymore. But, as you have found out by now, when you hold them in your arms deep in the night and it feels like there is no one else in the world but you and your sweet baby, it's worth it.---Kim

kerry said...

It's amazing to me how much doctors don't tell us about what's going on, what they're doing, little things like that. I guess it's a holdover from the old days, when (I am told) they didn't even tell you what your diagnosis was, much less what treatment they had planned. They just did it. An informational void (for me) is far scarier than any information they could possibly tell me.

I'm sad that your birth was so traumatic. I am glad that you posted earlier that Baby and mom are doing well; we know this has a happy ending!

Good energy for your sister and her new baby!

Albany Jane said...

Oh wow... um, after your first post I was like "Oh damn, that is really bad." but after this one, I'm really believing your assertion that it will prevent a lot of desire to procreate. Not like I've ever had much of one, but... I'm a few shades paler now.

Glad you two are recovering!

JoeinVegas said...

Another reason for guys to be happy being guys

Jean_Phx said...

Sweet Lord.

One Crazy Chick! said...

You nailed it. I've never met anyone else who felt the entire c-section. But all I could do was scream to stop cutting because I effing feel it. I went into shock after the surgery lips blue, seizures the whole nine yards with no nurse in sight. My husband did the only rational thing he could think of to get me help, he walked into the hall with my daughter and 10 nurses came flying at him. I thank goodness my daughter was my second. But I will also say 4 years later, I would do it again in a second but this time knock me out for the birth!

K2 said...

I had such a different experience with a similar ending. I am so sorry that yours was so negative.

I was induced as well, but I made them put in the epidural at the same time as the Pitocin. I never felt any pain during the 12 hours of labor. They finally said that I needed a C-Section. They took me off of the epidural to put me on Morphine. I had about 20 bad minutes. Once the Morphine kicked in, I remember very little.

One thing I do remember is that my midwife said the same thing "oh, God!" after the incision. Turned out, Boo was 10 lbs, 4 oz so she shocked the staff by her size.

I recommend my delivery method to everyone. I am horrified by what sounds like a prehistoric and brutal delivery that you experienced.

Jala Pfaff said...

Oh my god. You poor thing.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting your story, so far :)I'd like to hear the rest. I had 2 c-sections. The boys are now 20 and 23, so we all survived. And I remember every detail as if it were yesterday. With older son, I was terrified. Couldn't stop shaking, it was so cold and I, too, told the attendings that I felt everything. That was a week before Christmas. Second son was Christmas eve morning. I was so tired I fell asleep on the operating table and scared the attendings so much they slapped me awake just to make sure I was ok. Oh, yeah, about the morphine. Had it with the first. Nothing like throwing up with staples. DH was there for me. And that's why I only have two. What I can't believe is that you had a house full of guests right after. That must have been stressful! Hugs to you and Baby Lawns and your DH.

TK said...

This is why I only ever had Poodles. I may have been down this road in my previous life.

My cuz had a pretty awful time too, but no C section. I'm so sorry you went through such a traumatic birth, but grateful you came out the other side with a daughter!

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