Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Rice Pudding

You are never going to believe this, but the whole rice taping nonsense appears to have worked. Baby Lawns has done a flip into the vertex (head down) position and is no longer breech.

Of course, in the interest of proving my sanity to the Internet, I must admit that there's no way of knowing if she would have turned on her own anyway or if this was caused by taping rice to my toes. There was no control group to help make that determination. It kind of bothers me that I'll never know for sure.

But what I do know is that I taped rice to my toes and I will forever have this story to tell my daughter, who is destined to think her mother is crazy anyway as all daughters do.

As we've established, my OB is on the highly non-traditional side, but I've gotten used to him and I actually kind of like him, especially after seeing the Ricki Lake documentary because he hasn't done any of the things the doctors in that film did. He really respects me and my decisions about what happens to my body, but at the same time he's not so out there that he'd put me or the baby in danger. Earlier this week, I found a website, which I will not link to, where women told their stories of natural home births and I have to say that some of these women were out of their minds. Many of them were proponents of having completely unassisted, unattended births. I'm all for the midwife home birth deal if that's your thing, but these women didn't even want that and many of them had no prenatal care either. They just delivered their own babies at home. Alone. So what I'm saying here is that my doctor is pretty out there, but he'd agree that these women were totally nuts to do that. His philosophy is keep it natural but as soon as things get dangerous medical intervention is a good thing. This is what I think too.

Baby Lawns had been in the breech position for a couple months now and it was starting to hurt me. It felt like she was lodged under my right ribs and stomping on my bladder. It was getting to be a concern. Last week my doctor said if she didn't turn by this week that we had to schedule a C-section just in case, which I would have been ok with. I was worried that there was some terrible, underlying cause for her upright position. That's what I get for looking stuff up on the Internet. Did you know that breech babies are twice as likely to be on the autistic spectrum? Let me add that to my list of things that will destroy your baby's life that are probably all the mother's fault. I also imagined her tangled up in the cord and that that was preventing her from moving. I imagined all kinds of other bad things too, but let's not dwell on them.

Wacko Doctor showed me how to do acupressure on myself. Supposedly, by stimulating the bladder 67 pressure point, which is located on the outside of your little toes, you can flip a breech baby. Since you can't very well sit there and push on your pinky toes for hours on end, you can stimulate the site by taping a grain of uncooked rice to your toes and then going about your business all day.

This sounds insane. I have tried to apply logic to this and I haven't been able to. How on earth could taping rice to your toes do anything? How would the baby know there was rice on its mother's toes? How would this work? I can't think of any way this could work.

But I decided to do it anyway. In the name of experimentation.

"You could also heat up your toes for about twenty minutes a day," said Wacko doctor.

"How, exactly?" I asked.

He told me to hold a lit match, candle or cigar to my toes for 20 minutes.

Really? A cigar? You're asking me to burn toxic smoke in order to heat up my toes? No. 

I did consider the candle method, but I couldn't figure out a position wherein this could ever work without me giving myself a hot foot and/ or burning down the whole house, so this option was out.

In comparison the rice seems like nothing. There is no way taping rice to your toes can cause property damage, so I went for it.

The day after my appointment I got out the scotch tape and went into the pantry. We have about sixteen different kinds of rice in there: texmati, long grain jasmati, arborio, Minute, plain old white rice, Uncle Ben's, Success boil in bag brown rice, regular brown rice, thai black rice and even wild rice. I hate when I'm faced with such wide choices. What kind of rice would be best to tape on my toes, I pondered. No really, I actually considered this. I wanted the kind of rice that would apply the most pressure I supposed. In the end I just went with the arborio and for no other reason than that I love risotto, so it seemed like good energy. Mmmm, toe risotto.

It is hard to tape anything to one's toes when nine months pregnant. The stretching and hauling of myself that it took to get my toes into such a position so that I could tape rice to them was like advanced yoga. This is probably what actually turned the baby - not the rice itself. While I was doing it I felt stupid even though I was alone.

Then I put shoes on and waited. Every few hours I'd wonder if the baby flipped or not. Didn't seem like she had.

Sunday night Husband was talking to her and said her position felt different. He said he thought she was moving. I remained skeptical. Monday morning I woke up and felt different. Nothing was lodged under my rib cage. I felt more comfortable.

Today I had my ultrasound and lo and behold the baby had turned herself over.

I have my ultrasounds at the perinatologist's office. My spell check just changed perinatologist to paleontologist, by the way. Alas, Ross from Friends is not giving me ultrasounds at the Museum of Natural History, as fun as that would be and I hope I'm not giving birth to a velociraptor. Anyway, I told the perinatologist about the rice taping and how the other doctor told me to do it and he nearly peed his pants laughing.

"You have got to be shitting me," he said. Direct quote. He said shit. He knows all about Wacko Doctor and loves hearing stories about the crazy stuff he does, but even he admits that Wacko Doctor is one of the best around.

"Whatever works," said the perinatologist, "In any case you have a perfectly happy and healthy baby, so who cares if you taped rice to your toes?"

She's big too. 6 1/2 pounds right now. The other crazy thing we learned is that she has long, flowing hair, like enough for a pony tail. I certainly wasn't expecting a little Rapunzel in there. I wonder how that's going to look. I had no hair when I was born.

We will never know if the baby flipped because I taped rice to my toes or if she flipped because she was just good and ready to turn over. The good news is that she did and that she's healthy and normal.

And next, I'll have to tell you about my most unusual Pre-natal Reiki session with a french bulldog.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ah I love your updates... Are you going to let us see a picture of Baby Lawns.. I feel like maybe not :)

Joy said...

HAHA! I loved this! I think it was the rice. Or probably the posture you assumed in order to affix the rice. Either way, yes!!

Also, Reiki I love. But what? did you say some kind of a dog? I don't get it and am waiting to hear this one!

staticwarp said...

i think i'm going to tape some rice to my toes just for the hell of it. that sounds rad! your doctor rules.

Breton Wench said...

Splendid news.....now for the control group test :-)

eleanorstrousers said...

If I ever have a child, I can't wait to spread the word on rice-taping. Of course if the baby isn't breach, would taping rice turn them around the wrong way? Oh the mysteries...

Jean_Phx said...

I think that I agree that it was the posture you had to pretzel yourself into that helped her rearrange herself. But, rice is fun too!

Vic said...

In so much as you are not giving birth to a velociraptor, it would still be cute in the pumpkin hat.
I would love the story of your experience applying to grad school along with your initial impressions of post graduate education.
Perhaps you can obtain the patent on the toe candle holder. I imagine something along the lines of those cheap rings we used to get out of gumball machines that pinched and turned your finger green.

JoeinVegas said...

Do you have to keep the rice there, or is it's job done?
Glad it worked out.

Anonymous said...

I had a friend who was diabetic and followed a careful diet and her baby had a lot of hair on his head. Wonder if that is the connection?
Wonder if cutting sugar/junk food, would make people with yucky hair have better hair?

kerry said...

Yay for baby flipping into the right position!

Reiki with a bulldog? I hope you don't make us wait too long to tell us that one! :)

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