Monday, September 27, 2010

Leftover Casserole

I am suffering from a terrible case of malaise. Yesterday we hosted my sister's baby shower, which was a lot of fun, but it wore me out and then it made me mad that it wore me out. I am frustrated because I can't do the things I once could with the boundless energy for skipping and running around I once had and I have a fear that the energy won't come back and I'm stuck feeling this way forever. Please tell me that's not true and that I will be able to skip again.

I'm going stir crazy. I feel like I'm under house arrest. When I look at facebook I feel sad when I read status updates from my friends who are teaching. I want to be teaching too, although that would not be possible now. I miss the campus Starbucks and the energy of all the students buzzing around. Maybe I just miss coffee in general, whether it's at school or not. A big cup of coffee and a scone would be really nice.

I'm sad because Friday was the birthday of a family member I have lost even though she is still, technically, alive. I wanted to write about that but I thought it was too sad for you all. Maybe I will do it anyway.  

I'm sad because my cousin is in an abusive relationship and her fiance won't let her communicate with or see me. This came up because I asked my sister if she invited her to the shower and my sister said she didn't even bother because she had blown me off for mine. My cousin's fiance is an idiot and he doesn't like our branch of the family because, in his words, "he doesn't enjoy our company." What does that even mean? He doesn't like us because he thinks we're rich and that intimidates him, plus abusers always like to separate their victims from their loved ones in order to control them. He doesn't like me because he is a racist and I called him out on it, as I am wont to do, and because I started messing with him and telling him his German last name sounded Jewish. He was deeply offended by that suggestion.

Adding insult to injury, I can't go anywhere because there is a nail in my tire, making it flat and the new tire hasn't come in to Costco yet, so my husband doesn't want me to drive it lest I get stuck somewhere in my delicate condition. And really, where do I have to go anyway?

I had wanted to go to Target. Actually I did go to Target anyway, but don't tell him. It's close so my plan was to take a cab if the tire went that flat, but it didn't. Turns out they didn't have what I needed so I ended up coming home and doing a bunch of shopping online. It was for all the practical baby gear I didn't get for my shower because people are obsessed with getting baby girls these headbands with fake flowers the diameter of coffee mugs glued to them. One day the babies of this generation are going to look back on the pictures from their infancies and wonder why in hell their mothers stuck gigantic flowers on their tiny heads. I will not be one of those mothers. My baby will not have a life sized sunflower above one ear. Not happening. She does however, now have this pumpkin hat. One day she will probably groan about the pumpkin hat and I will say "At least, my dear, I did not put one of those gigantic flowers on your head."  Now the question is what to do with all the enormous flower headbands I got for my shower. Suggestions? Maybe I'll sell them at the baby consignment shop. I have enough to make a small fortune on them.

I've become increasingly frustrated with my contractors and I've determined that contractors are by nature just a royal pain in the ass. We failed our plumbing inspection today because Mr. I-Hate-Illegals-Plumber didn't read the instructions and caulked in our tub instead of cementing it in with mortar as our city (stupidly I admit) requires. So now the tub has to be ripped out and re-installed. Just a waste of very precious time and it pissed me off.

On Friday I went over to the house to see what Steve Buscemi and The Plumber were doing. Somehow we got into a discussion about me being Hispanic. I am not Hispanic. They thought I was. They were shocked that I couldn't speak effective Spanish to a guy who had come to give me an estimate on my flooring work, because, didn't we like, speak that at home. This made me even more offended because these two morons had been insulting what they assumed were my people!! In front of me. I had to tell them I wasn't Hispanic and they were so shocked.  

But on to other topics...

I finished reading Room and came up with a lot of discussion questions. I'll make them their own post for people who are reading or want to read it. I ended up getting through the whole thing in three sittings, so it was easier than I had originally expected. It was one of those stories that you can't decide how to feel about it immediately but it just sits with you. I'd be interested in a feminist reading of it, but then I was like, well, which kind of feminism do I mean? I can't answer that precisely, but, well there were just a lot of women's issues in the story that got me thinking. I had major grad school flashbacks - the abject and its connection with motherhood blah blah.

My parents called me earlier today. The movie is wrapped and they are on their way back from LA in the bus and bringing Sam back with them. Remember Sam their former houseboy? Yeah. He had gotten hung up with a psychotic heiress out there and let's just say, things did not work out, so now he's headed back to South Florida. I will try to get the whole convoluted story on that for you. My mother tried to explain it to me, but it involved a lot of drugs, a suspected poisoning of an elderly man, seventy million dollars, a fifteen year old mother and a fistfight at the Chateau Marmont. That's a lot to keep straight even for me.  But the movie is filmed and done and now I guess it needs to be edited and whatever else they do to make movies ready to be seen. I heard a rumor they wanted to try to get it ready for Sundance, but there's not a lot of time, so I don't know how that will work out. I want to go to Sundance! My parents went a couple years ago and it looked fun and snowy and my mom accosted Dennis Quaid at a party and took a picture with him where it looks like she's got him in a choke hold. I'm so disappointed she didn't get to meet her soul mate Sharon Osbourne while she was out there, but she did spend plenty of time with Kelly and apparently Sam was going to NA meetings with Jack. There were also Pomeranians involved. Not at the NA meetings. I mean Kelly brought dogs on set.

I asked my mom about what Kelly Osbourne is like in real life. In the past two weeks I've seen the girl everywhere. She was on Ellen, Dr. Phil and on that show with scary looking Joan Rivers. She's on the cover of US Weekly this week. She has just exploded. It's insanity. I think it's because she is skinny now and this annoys me because why weren't people this interested in her when she was normal sized (which I say because I never thought she was actually fat)? It's not like you lose weight and gain talent. I was wondering how she got so skinny personally. I heard a rumor she took Alli, that stuff that makes you poo oil, but that was on a gossip site. I was also hoping it wasn't the Hollywood diet of cocaine and horse tranquilizers. Looks like she lost the weight the boring way. She ate less and exercised more. I asked my mom if she was nice and she said yes. I asked if she was down to earth and she said not exactly, but she was very friendly and sweet and everyone thought she did a good job on her part.

Ed Asner on the other hand took quite a liking to my mother, who he claims shares a name with the love of his life. I'm pretty sure he tried to make out with my mom.

Other than that, no celebrity gossip at all. How disappointing is that? I couldn't believe it. No divas. No drugs. No stars having affairs. Nothing. Just a bunch of people all doing their job professionally. What fun is that? The biggest news my mother had for me from LA was that Pinkberry now comes in pumpkin with pumpkin spice granola and that they had better hurry up and build our Miami Pinkberries. I love Pinkberry so much that I have been counting down the days until it opens here. We're supposed to be getting some locations pretty soon. This had better not be a dirty trick Asian Yogurt Purveyors. 

So being that I'm stuck in the house, I don't have a lot of experiences to write about for you and I apologize for that. That's no excuse not to write because I have memories and an imagination. This is a time for writing exercises! This is also a time when you, my dear readers, can let me know if there are things you would like me to write about for you and you can also ask me questions which I would love to answer. Ask in the comments and I'll answer in a post when I get enough together.

Until then, tomorrow is my last ultrasound so we can see if this taping rice to my toes foolishness has worked and caused the baby to flip. Yes, I taped rice to my toes. Arborio even.


Anonymous said...

Dear W.L.,
Having been in your shoes, I can say I know how you feel, dear girl. It's the heat, right? By the way, when is the tyke due?
Lil Skraps

Anonymous said...

The first time I ever felt too tired to do another thing was when I was hugely pregnant. It was shocking, as I'd always had plenty of extra energy to accomplish whatever I set to. Don't worry, once the baby is here and you are getting adequate sleep your zest will return. The pumpkin hat is adorable!

Faye said...

I would like to know more about how you and your husband met (has that been discussed?) If it already has, I want to hear about all the cute gifts you got at your shower!

your loyal reader,

Anonymous said...

I think Kelly Osbourne lost alot of weight when she was on dancing with the stars.

Lauren said...

I must say, I think our trick of getting me upside down caused our baby to flip! What we did was have me lay on the floor on my back and then have my husband help lift my legs up as I supported myself a little with my arms... didn't get up to my shoulders or anything crazy, but my abdomen was definitely inverted. I think the point is to help the baby drift out of the pelvis area enough to have more room to move around! I think it's a better shot than the rice ;-) Good luck though!

catherine said...

Lauren~ I heard of that working too, It makes sense to me.

I noticed Kelly Osborne has changed too. She looks like every other hollywood brat out there. I think she looked more interesting when she had dark hair and curves. Now she looks like just another bleach blond and skinny bimbo.

Handy Man, Crafty Woman said...

I never liked those giant baby headbands for baby girls. Sorry, but they look ridiculous, esp on teeny tiny newborns! I swore that if I ever had a girl, I'd never put those on her. I had a boy. ;-)

Being pregnant stinks! esp near the end. I wasn't one of those "glowing" pregnant ladies, let me tell you!!

I'd also like to read more about how you met your hubby. I don't think you have talked about it too much..?

Lunch Buckets said...

You have got to be shitting me.


Yay Baby Lawns!!!!

I think that pretty much says it all!

Anonymous said...

I loved this post!!!!!!!!!! You will have energy soon. Trust me.

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