Friday, June 04, 2010

The Bus Has Left

Summer is officially here. Yesterday my parents left for their annual summer RV excursion and Husband and I moved, temporarily, into their house. We are currently searching for our own house and lord knows when we'll find that. My husband doesn't have quite the sense of urgency as I do about the whole moving to a bigger place thing, but I'll be damned if I'm keeping Baby Lawns in a dresser drawer in my apartment or, worse yet, living in my parents' house when they are actually here in it.

This summer my parents are headed to Austin, Texas where, inexplicably, The Eyebrow People have moved. Remember them? They are from upstate New York, but have relocated to Austin. Personally, I'd much rather live in Austin than Buffalo too, so I don't need much explanation for their move. You may also recall that Jasmine, one the eyebrow guys' girlfriends, was pregnant. Well, she is still pregnant, but not for much longer. My parents have gone to Austin to attend the birth of this child and by attend, I mean literally, like be there in the delivery room watching this child be born. This is because my sister and I refuse to allow anyone other than our husbands with us when our children are born and my mother feels that seeing the actual, gory, bloody, vaginal expulsion of a child is the penultimate human experience. I say watch Baby Story if you must. My mother is pissed that my sister and I want to keep this event private, but we are adamant. Jasmine, on the other hand, doesn't care who sees things flying out of her vajean and so my mother, I guess, is finally going to get her life's greatest wish.

My mother's child birth fantasy comes from the fact that she did not see my birth when she had me because she was asleep. I have never in my life heard of a woman being put under to deliver a child, but I was born in Millpond after all and practically delivered by a livestock veterinarian. I even asked my grandmother, who delivered twins in 1950 and she told me she was awake, but mildly etherized, so I have no idea why my mother would have been put completely under anesthesia when I was not even a C-section. Who knows. It was the same doctor who mistakenly listed my blood type as common, harmless O+ when it is, in fact, the more complicated A-.  Thank Jesus I never needed a transfusion.

But my mother feels like because she was asleep when I was born (probably in a barn) that she missed out on the miracle of birth and delivery and that she needs to re-experience it through someone else. I am so thankful that Jasmine is allowing her this joy so that I will be off the hook. I feel very strongly that no one else be there and at this point, I don't even know how Baby Lawns is going to get out of me yet. I often picture that scene from Aliens, but I don't want to think about it right now because whenever I do, I break out into a cold sweat. My sister, the half marathon runner, is doing the whole natural thing. She's intense and physically tougher than I am. I'm going to shoot up black tar heroin if I have to. Why is it that babies are so much fun to get in there, but so scary and painful to get out? It seems so unfair.

But I don't want an audience to my crotch, or to my intestines if that ends up being the case. In fact, I don't even want to look at it myself. Clean the baby, give her to me and let me go home and drink a damned Diet Coke. God, how I want a diet soda. 

Before I digress any further, my parents are headed to Austin for the birth of Jasmine's baby and they will be there for possibly a month. They have taken Sam, their houseboy, with them. Remember Sam, the aspiring actor who moved in with them? Remember how his alter-ego, a part he played on a talk show, became more popular than his actual self?  All that? Sam went with them to Texas on the RV. He just got back from LA where he got a part in a pilot with Richard Grieco. What ever happened to him? I can't believe he's still around. I wonder if Sam will see Jasmine's baby being born too. Probably. Unless he's filming that pilot with Richard Grieco in LA.

I know there are some readers from Austin. Be on the lookout for my parents. You can't miss them. Big bus, blonde hair extensions, a guy who looks like Matthew McConaughey, my dad and his hipster shoes, a big Doberman and a feisty minpin. I don't think they'll stand out excessively in Austin though. I mean, the place is known for being weird, so they might end up wanting to move there. They changed their minds about Asheville. I'm predicting that Austin will suit their sensibilities much better. I'd live there myself.  Austin readers, please pass along suggestions in the comments section for site-seeing, shopping, especially baby shopping, live music and eating and I'll make sure my parents get them. They've never been there and would like to experience the best of the city.

So my parents finally got out of here last night and Husband and I proceeded to move in. We got Canela and she was overjoyed to be back in her second home. She loves it here and immediately rubbed her face all over everything and began looking for lizards that might have come inside. 

I got a bad night's sleep because I woke up and was disoriented, having forgotten where I was. I hate when that happens. Then I had insomnia. After that Canela stood on top of me and would not stop touching my face with her poop digging paw. It's very endearing how she does that to wake me up, and her paw is just like velvet, but God, she digs in poo and I was trying to go to sleep. It got annoying. Turned out, she wanted to go outside, but that was not an option and never has been, so I don't know why she felt compelled to wake me up to ask me if hey, even though she's been an indoor cat, could we change that policy right now at 4am. Please? Come on.

In all the commotion, I decided to not take my anti-nausea medicine last night. I take half a pill once a day and that does the trick. Do not get on my case for it. I thought maybe the nausea would be gone. Maybe I've been taking the pill unnecessarily. Surely I could skip it now, right?

Big giant WRONG. Dammit all.

I woke up this morning as sick and miserable as before. I guess I am going to be one of those people who pukes the whole time. Now I have to suffer through it all day because the pill knocks me out so badly that I can only take it at night and if I take it now, I can't take it tonight and then the whole schedule is messed up. Jeez. I guess I better go get a 32 ounce Slurpee and freeze my digestive tract into submission and wait for night to fall for relief.  But a 32 ounce Slurpee sounds pretty gross too. Jamba Juice? Nothing sounds good.  Since March, I've kept a running list of random things that made me vomit. I might share. One item was Guy Fieri.

Ughh. I think I'm going to lie in bed and read all day. Hopefully I won't need a trash can next to the bed.


Maria said...

My mom always talks about how she was pissed off because the nurses put her to sleep during my brother's birth. I thought that was strange. Aren't women awake through delivery. It wasn't even a C-Section. Maybe the fact that he was born in Beirut, Lebanon in 1974 has something to do with it.

Nine years later she had me in California and specifically told the doctors not to giver her any medication (not even Tylenol!) so that she can be fully awake and experience the birth. And so she was. She's hardcore.

Anonymous said...

Yeah! I'll be on the lookout for your parents! I'll be tour guide too. I am a total chowhound (amysuhere, go look) so just direct me in what kinds of places they'd like to go and I'd love to help in any way I can.

amysue in Austin

Jan said...

I'm so late to the party... I check in about once a week or so and am a stalker... haven't commented before although you crack me up without fail. I wanted to send warm congratulations and best wishes for Baby Lawns. And your sister, too. (I think you should refer to her baby as Baby Hedge). It will be so much fun for the two of you to raise your children together, so close in age. So again, congratulations!

beatgrl said...

Sorry to hear about the pukes. That's rough.

One of my favorite places in Austin is Barton Springs Pool. There is a natural spring coming up through the limestone and the creek's been dammed to create a large pool. The swimming there is divine, the water is cool, clean and clear.There are grassy lawns and trees to hang out under. Admission is cheap so it draws a diverse crowd, which of course means great people watching. The great part is stopping one of the eateries on Barton Springs Road (I recommend Shady Grove for ambiance)for a frozen cocktail either before or after.

Anonymous said...

One thing that always work for me re: the nausea is Italian Ices (cherry or orange- stay away from lemon just in case it comes back up). If you can't find italian ices (they carry them at Publix), a popsicle will do in a pinch. I don't know why it works, but it does. It's like a miracle drug. Works for morning sickness AND hangovers.

Anonymous said...

Chowhound and Yelp are great places to look for the food scene. They should pick up an Austin Chronicle (local weekly paper) that has all sorts of events and stuff going on.
Right now, the food trailer scene is pretty big in Austin... Odd Duck to Farm Trailer is one of my favorites. There are also plenty of great cupcake places in town... my favorite is Sugarmamas. The bridge on Congress Avenue is famous for the bats that fly out at dusk... 6th street is the big bar scene, and South Lamar and Congress have lots of fun shops, restaurants and other stuff. There is great BBQ around here... some of the best stuff is in closeby cities like Lockhart, but the Franklin BBQ trailer in Austin is supposedly phenomenal. Vietnamese is great here too.
If they are into waterparks, the Schlitterbahn (I know I probably misspelled it is nearby and supposed to be one of the best in the country). Both north and south of Austin are outlet malls. I prefer the one to the south in San Marcos, Texas... but the one to the North is also next to an Ikea. If you go to the one in San Marcos, you pass a huge Cabelas that is like an ode to taxidermy inside. San Antonio is only about an hour from Austin.
From the sound of your parents, they may enjoy the drag show at Esther's Follies... its a great time and really fun.
The LBJ museum on UT's campus is the only presidential museum in the country that's free so I'd try to see that. The animatronic LBJ is creepy, but oddly compelling.

Anonymous said...

They were still doing the "twilight sleep" thing during delivery even into the 80s. It was beneficial in that it replaced chlorform but tended to cause babies to have breathing problems and slow responses because they were drugged up, not to mention other delivery problems and the whole "I don't remember anything" effect.


Diane Laney Fitzpatrick said...

My mom said that when a baby was born, "who needs a dagburn bassinette? We used to put the baby in a dresser drawer until he was ready for a crib." I used to think that was so puppy-like. I could see putting a puppy in a dresser drawer, but a baby? I pictured an I Love Lucy type mom redding up the house and closing the drawer, baby and all.

Also, during my mom's generation of birthing babies, they used to knock the moms out with "Twilight Sleep" but which was probably an early precursor of LSD. And then they would wrench the baby out of the stoned mom with forceps.

It's a wonder any of us Baby Boomers lived to be gainfully employed at all.

Arabella said...

Only one place they need to go: 'Ginny's Little Longhorn Saloon' on Burnet.
Music Tues-Sunday. No cussin' and no wrasslin' though.

JDogg said...

I think that they will like Austin - I really liked it when I was there last year for a visit.

Good luck with the move back to the house - and with the search for a new one of your own.

Rachel said...

"Why is it that babies are so much fun to get in there, but so scary and painful to get out? It seems so unfair."

That was the most awesome thing I've read today.

Anonymous said...

when my aunt had my cousin in 1967, she was knocked out.

Congrats on Baby Lawns! Sorry about the pukies. I had that with my pregnancy for 4 1/2 months! gaaack

Anonymous said...

If you are pressed for space when the baby comes, you can always put her in a Pack 'n' Play instead of a crib.

I was going to the natural route both times and wound up begging for drugs with both. A word of advice... don't let any resident anesthesiologists come near you.

Anonymous said...

They should definitely go dance at The Broken Spoke, one of the oldest authentic honky tonks around. El Meson on South Lamar is yummy & it's next to The Horseshoe Lounge which I'm sure they'd enjoy. Barton Springs is a must. Good acts playing this week at The Continental Club, strolling down S. Congress would be a fun evening. They should certainly watch the bats fly from under the bridge at dusk. Spectacular. Shoreline Grill is pretty good and it is a terrific place to watch the bats.

MtnMama said...

About your sister: I, too, was going to go the All Granola route. I had a team of midwives that I saw for my routine checks, (albeit at the hospital)and had a Water Birth planned. But my darling daughter decided to be Breach. Nothing would persuade her to turn. We ended up in a scheduled C section, exactly the thing I wanted least. *sigh*

Good luck with the house hunting. Even with your health issues, whatever you can get done before the baby, the better.

kerry said...

I think I'm with you on the "being in the delivery room" thing. I don't think this is something that should have an audience...

I'm glad there's a pill that helps with the nausea! I hope you're comfy in your parents' house until you can find one of your own that suits you and husband and upcoming Baby Lawns.

TheSmacker said...

Guy Fieri nauseates me, too. He hasn't actually made me throw up, but that because I've never had to watch him very long, and I'm not pregnant.

maybe later said...

Please tell them to go to FRANKLIN'S BBQ! I second Anonymous's suggestion. I moved to Austin in March and I've eaten there about 12 times so far. It is this bright blue/green trailer and the friendliest, most personable guys work there. They love out of towners and like to make conversation. The meat is smoked in a separate trailer next door. It looks kind of sketchy but their brisket is out of this world and they have this espresso barbeque sauce that sounds disgusting and is actually sort of unpleasant on its own (well, to me, since I don't particularly like coffee) but together with the meat it's a match made in heaven. I overhead a guy saying the missing flavor of the sauce is brisket and I think that describes it pretty accurately. I hope they are not vegetarians; I don't remember any of your entries saying they are, though.
They are open 11-4 Wed-Sun (so not Mon or Tues) but there is always a line and they usually sell out by meat well before 4. Once I saw them sell out at 1pm! So try to get there as close to 11 as possible. You can sit there and eat at the picnic tables but it's pretty hot these days so you can get your food to go too. They have a website but if your parents have a GPS they can put in 1100 Concordia Ave and that will take them right there. It's impossible to miss that trailer.
My boyfriend flies down from NY once every 3 weeks and he times his flights so that we get to go to Franklin's on the way to my apt from the airport. I swear, he cares more about getting a pound of their brisket than seeing me...

If it's not too hot they should also go kayaking on Town Lake! It's like $15 for an hour to rent one two-person kayak. It's scenic and relaxing and you can paddle or just float, whatever you want. You can paddle right along the Austin "skyline" which is really like 3 buildings but nevertheless pretty. You can see turtles sunning themselves and ducks and swans swimming around. It's one of my favorite things to do. There are also other kinds of boats if they don't like kayaks. I usually go to but there are a few other docks scattered along the lake and all the prices are the same. I hope they have fun! I LOVE Austin :)

maybe later said...

I forgot to say, there are 11 or 12 dog parks in Austin and some are fenced, some are just open off-leash areas. SUCH a dog-friendly city. There are a lot of nice places but they are all over and I don't know where they will be staying, but a quick google search will yield a list of all of them.
Zilker Park has this big off-leash field (that I can't take my babies to since they like to run in front of cars) where people bring their dogs and play frisbee and fly kites and hang out with guitars and probably smoke weed. There are nice walking trails along the lake there and the kayak place I was talking about is right there, too. And yes, you can bring dogs on the boats with you!

Melanie said...

What a great post! I mean, I'm sorry that you're not feeling well, and I hope you get to feeling better soon, but, I enjoyed the other parts. BTW, you might want to look up the meaning of "penultimate" in the dictionary.

Please write after Jasmine's baby is born and let us know how that all "came out!"

Anonymous said...

For really cool baby stuff in the Austin area, your parents should spoil you with a haul from Dragon Snaps. Really amazing children's clothing!

Anonymous said...

Also, have your parents go to a baby store called Gaga on Manchaca Street.

Wow. Just wow.

jmm said...

I'll be lookin for your folks and I'll say Hi if I see them. I agree with previous posters. Barton Springs is magical. Also they should try to catch Toni Price or James McMurtry at the Continental Club on South Congress. Yummy food trailers in that area too. Central Market for grocery shopping. Alamo Drafthouse for movies, you can order food & drinks while watching.

My Mom doesn't remember a couple of her births because of the drugs she got.

Fancy Schmancy said...

My mother was put under for all 5 of us, and even though she had the equipment she bottle fed us all, too. She said that was just what was done at the time, being 1960-1970 in Buffalo NY.

kjl said...

My mom was also put under when she had my brother in Glen Cove, NY in 1970. To this day, she has no idea as to why, but she regrets it terribly!

Anonymous said...

Are you sure you meant to use the word penultimate here? I don't think it means what you think it means. I'm surprised a composition teacher doesn't know better.

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