Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Finals Week Begins

My life has turned into one giant tub of crazy. This is finals week at school. That means this is the week that the students who never did any work and racked up excessive absences and pretty much stopped coming to class all together around midterms, suddenly start sending me hysterical emails asking me how they can pass. I love this time of the semester. Then what happens is I tell them they are going to fail and they go on various websites and write terrible things about how evil I am for failing them because they heard that in college you actually don't have to go to class and you just need to take the final to pass. I wish I were kidding.

And news!!! I have news!!! My sister is pregnant!!! Can you believe it? I mean, I guess you probably can, but wow, I'm going to be someone's aunt!

My Uncle Bull is here. Remember him? He's the grass roots political activist with the BBQ company? He has never visited before, so the fact that he's here is a very big deal. We're all very excited. Last night he described a woman as being so stupid that if you put her brain in a bird, it would fly backwards. I am going to keep a running list of his expressions because they are too good. We took him out for his first taste of Florida stone crabs last night and he described the experience as "sexual." I love that this man and I share a name, although he doesn't use it.

So things are pretty good. I'm starting to feel a little bit better and a little bit is something. I have to go to two doctors three times in the next week and I have to get blood drawn again next week. I have had more blood removed from my body than should be legal. I also recently found out that I have some kind of rare, freak blood type and that the blood type I thought I had, which is listed on my birth certificate, was a huge mistake. So thank God I never needed a transfusion or I would have ended up dead or something (no idea what happens when you get the wrong blood, but I think it's very bad.) The whole blood type fiasco lends even more credence to my theory that I do not belong to my family and was switched at birth. That or someone had a recessive gene for rare freak blood.

Starting next week I'm off of work for a nice, long, long time. I intend to use my free time for writing! I can't wait. I'm in need of some time off. This semester has been hard on me and I've missed writing. I have a million stories to tell once grades are submitted. I also want to go to Millpond and maybe California and we'll see where else.

Right now though, I have to go work and teach these stinkin' kids how to write a coherent essay.


JoeinVegas said...

After a semester the should already know how to write a stinking essay. (compliments of the teacher)

MtnMama said...

I hope you know that I mean this with love, but... of COURSE you have freak blood. (hahaha)

And yes, I don't miss college students at all. Far too many delusional morons for my taste. (I know they're also in the general population, but classes bunch them together, you know?)

Enjoy your time off. You could stop off in Colorado... just a hint.

LegalMist said...

Good luck with that essay thing. I've been trying to teach my students to write legal memoranda. It is amazing to me that I can teach a concept on three different days in class (so I know any given student didn't miss all three times I covered the topic), and give them written instructions about it, and still several of them will do it wrong.

The Fifth Sparrow said...

Western Canada is lovely this time of year! Positively glacial, compared to Florida, but you did have some snow this past winter so you would feel right at home.

Can you apologise needlessly and punctuate your sentences with, "Eh?"?

Sorry, that was uncalled for.

The Four Writters said...

Just don't have a closed mind when you mark their essays. Even if a kid is a huge slacker, it doesn't mean they can't write.

However, instead of drawing a smiley face or star on their paper, you could draw a skull and crossbones or a picture of a clock and write "Your time is ticking down my friend"

kerry said...

Oh, yes, come to California!

I'm glad you're feeling a little better- I've been a bit worried about you.

Enjoy your time off once you survive finals week!

Theo said...

Blood that doesn't match your type agglutinates in your body and you get blood clots. Blood clots = not cool.

Other than that, congrats to your sister! =)

Laurie said...

Congrats to your sister!!! You are going to be an awesome aunt, and I can't wait to read about what cool grandparents your Mom and Dad are going to be. Very exciting!!

Miss Kitty said...

Ahh, Finals Week! Let the FAIL begin! I can't wait to hear even more of your hilarious tales of EPIC STUDENT FAIL.

Glad to know you're feeling better, too. (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

You know what might be a possible solution to the whole students being absent then wanting to make up the work? Maybe after a certain number of absences the professor could drop them from the class--except if the student is dropped they still receive the "F." I would imagine that might give some students incentive to get their butts to class.
Also, YAY! for your sister!

lekutz said...

Courage ma fille! Ceci passera vite, plus vite. Faire attention à ta santé sous-jacent...toujours, mais c'est pas facile quand même, je sais. Seflish vigilance! J'espère que tout se passe bien chez widelawns, et à tout!

ton pariscity lurker

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