Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Real Orange County

A commenter suggested that I watch the Real Housewives of Orange County and I thought I'd share this tidbit with you. I only watched one episode and it was something about some girls dressing up to go to a party at the Playboy Mansion. The show couldn't hold my attention. I can't watch reality shows that follow people around. I think I need more of a plot structure in order to keep me interested. I can't focus on people wandering around aimlessly acting like fools. I need there to be some sort of specific goal that they're working towards, even if it's a stupid goal.

But another reason I don't watch the Housewives is because I don't have to. My life here isn't all that different. Even better, my husband has close relatives who actually live in Coto de Caza, the neighborhood where the OC Housewives is filmed. I've been there many times. My Husband is originally from Orange County. When I met him he lived in San Francisco, but he was born and raised in Orange County. His entire family still lives there, so we try to go once or twice a year to visit. I wish we could go more. I actually like the area a lot and would absolutely live there. They have the most beautiful beaches I've ever seen. Living in flat Florida, I'm fascinated by beaches with rocks and cliffs. And seals!! I can't get over the seals.

Orange County has its share of orange women with fake boobs and tacky tracksuits, but so does South Florida. In fact, I'm shocked they haven't made a Real Housewives of Palm Beach County yet.

But you want to know about Coto de Caza. First off, it reminds me a lot of a desert version of where I used to work. It's beautiful and full of beautiful people and beautiful houses with zero lot lines. I've never understood the zero lot line thing. If you have a zillion dollar home why would you want it so close to other zillion dollar homes? I'd want a yard. That said, the houses are gorgeous and there are horse trails beside the roads. The neighborhood itself is gigantic and has gated communities inside of other gated communities. Most of the homes have luscious rose gardens. Roses don't grow here, so that's another thing I love about Southern California. Outside of the neighborhood is the absolute best Mexican restaurant I have been to in my life ( we also have a bit of a dearth of good Mexican down here). It's called Jalapenos and if you're ever in the area, it's in a strip mall and you must go. But anyway.

Of course I had to ask husband's relatives (and my relatives too now) about the Housewives. Apparently there's plenty of drama in the neighborhood at all times. The show isn't making that up. The producers asked my husband's cousin if he would be on an episode teaching one of the sons to play a sport. He refused because he said the kid was an idiot and he didn't want to be associated with those people. I guess there's like a main housewife on the show? Well, the relatives tell me she's a huge bitch and causes a scene wherever she goes and is one of those "Don't You Know Who I am?" kinds of people who takes a massive entourage with her just to go to the convenience store. She causes a lot of disruption in the neighborhood with the filming and diva-esque behavior. Our relatives say that once she decided to attend their church and caused a big scene there too. Everyone tries to avoid her.

Whenever we go out there to visit, and we're in Coto (as they call it), I always hope I'll see them filming the show, but I never have. It's pretty quiet.

The strangest thing that has ever happened though was last May when we went for a BBQ, we parked our rental car on the street and when we came out there was a slice of bologna stuck to our back bumper. Just a random slice of deli meat stuck on our car. I really wonder how that happened. If it had been a taco from Jalapenos, I would have eaten it.

Writing this is really making me miss California. We are going to have plan a trip to go back out there as soon as school gets out in May. I wish I could live there. Universe, are you listening to me? I want to live in Orange County. Soon. Ok?

(And the picture above - I took it from the car while we were waiting in line at the gate. I thought it might come in handy one day.)


xtine said...

the bologna was surely meant as retribution from some resident for some lower-class assholes daring to leave a car parked anywhere but in a garage. And a rental car, no less.

Dayna said...

I bet the head housewife who is a bitch is Vicki.

June Gardens said...

I'll bet the bitch is Vicki, too. The only reality show I can get into is The Real Housewives, and I do not know why I like it, except that I did not know there were really people like that in the world.

I was just visiting a friend, and she TIVOd the show for me, and she said, "I taped that Orange Housewives or whatever for you." Orange Houswives. Teeee.

Thanks for the guff! Even though you are not into it, some of us were rapt, I assure you. I shamefacedly assure you.

Kim said...

Looks like Xtine already beat me to telling you what Bologna will do to the car! I too am sure it wasn't random at all, but definitely very deliberate. You're lucky you found it and got it off quickly!

Delainie said...

The day after my Mom got a new car (in 1992) she woke up and went to check on her new teal baby and there were 3 pieces of bologna on her trunk :-/ Not cool.

Grumpy Housewife said...

The only other one of those women I can see being the Head Bitch is Tamra. But, I would be willing to bet it's Vicki, because she's a control freak, and thinks she needs to be large and in charge all the time, and that her word is the last word on ANYTHING.

God, I can't stand that woman, and I don't have to be around her! I can't even tolerate watching her on TV!

Joy said...

It's gotta be Vicki, because Tamara doesn't even live in Coto.

My in-laws used to live there. My father in law first moved there in the early 70's when it was still a game reserve. You couldn't pay me to live there. Bitchiness abounds.

My husband and I did see Jan Michael Vincent at the general store in Coto a few times. He was majorly messed up. Looked like a bum.

Frack It said...

I have a friend that's originally from the Miami area. She says the same thing, the orange cheek kissing women are every where. Although she claims that the Miami women are a little more off the deep end than the others. It might as well be a STD. If you have too much contact with those people, you'll catch it. I'm not a fan of reality TV, but I would love to see a show that documents all the crazies down there. I think you should make a suggestion to Bravo.

Joyce Patton said...

I've lived here in the OC my entire life and have never been to Jalapenos! I think I'll try the one in Tustin... it's closest to my house. Thanks for the food tip!

Reiven said...

You forgot to mention the neo-nazi's and the meth. The OC is famous for them. I'm a native from the south bay, Redondo Beach, I love it, but the OC is way too ocd for me.

Anonymous said...

OMG that's funny... I used to know the guy that owns Jalapenos. I didn't realize there were multiple stores though. I only know about the one over on El Toro.

You have to try Taco Mesa some time... it's on Los Alisos and Trabuco in Mission Viejo.

Oh, and if you can find it, there's an awesome hole-in-the wall breakfast and lunch place by the 5 and Lake Forest Dr. called Snooty Fox. It's in the same center as the Coco's, but way at the back. We found it because we went to Coco's on a Sunday morning and all the old people were lined up outside Snooty. As I'm sure you know, when it comes to brunch, follow the old people!

(Normally I wouldn't flood you with cross-country restaurant recommendations, but you did say something about heading back out this way soon...)

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