Friday, February 19, 2010

Asheville, Please Accept My Apology

This has been an awful week on so many levels and it frustrates me that I can't, right now, write about any of the awful things that have happened. Some of it is work related and some of it has to do with a close friend and both of those topics are off limits at the moment. I'm confident everything will work out in due time, but this week has been hard. The good news in all of it is that I think the recipe I was looking for was Chili-Mac and I intend to make a pot tonight. Husband does not have pneumonia! He has bad bronchitis and it should clear up on its own in a week.

The highlight of my week though was a call from my parents. Last week they up and left for Asheville, North Carolina. It's their first trip there. As soon as they left I told my sister that they were going to decide they wanted to live there and not come home. Sure enough, they're looking for property as I write this. This is a good thing. I have been to Asheville and I love it. I think it's perfect and I really hope my parents do buy a house there because I'll spend all summer long up there. You all know I've always wanted a summer home and I would just love it if my parents lived in the Carolina mountains.

If this happens, and of course we don't know if it will or not, my parents being as unpredictable as they are, Asheville needs to get ready. While in LA, my parents just blended right on in, I think in Asheville they might be a little more obvious. And you know wherever they go, the entourage follows. Suddenly there'll be a lot of weird guys showing up in town with blow outs and Ed Hardy shirts. A new strip club will have to open up and suddenly Asheville will find it has an unusual spike in both prostitutes and people whose skin is unnaturally orange. The natives will be so confused until someone tells them a family from South Florida moved in and now their friends are suddenly coming to visit. It'll be like that movie where Steve Martin was a mafia guy and had to move to the midwest when he was in the witness protection program. What I want to know if why on earth hasn't someone discovered my parents and turned them into a reality show yet?

Yesterday they called me excitedly, while I was at work, specifically to tell me about their new boots. While shopping in Asheville they had purchased matching cowboy boots and what they were so unbelievably excited about was the fact that the toe of the boot was shaped from a whole alligator's tail with the bumps still on it. My mother got pink and my father got white. I have provided a picture of a similar boot, based on their description, but the picture I found was in blue.

With the bumps still on it. I think that's kind of gross actually. I'm just not a cowboy boot kind of a girl and most of my shoes aren't made from animal products. Leather's generally too expensive for Payless and Target. Alligator would be totally out of the question. They're kind of nasty animals, but I don't think they deserve to be killed and made into accessories, although there is quite the market for alligator meat here in Florida and I guess if you're going to eat them, you should make good use of their skin too. But yuck. And in pink no less.

My parents knew better than to get me a pair, but they did mention kind of offhand that in another store they found a pair of rainbow boots for me. I'm scared honestly. I can't form any sort of mental image of rainbow boots that would be appealing, unless they mean the brand Rainbow, but I think they only make flip flops. We'll see when they get back Monday and I'll take a picture of these mysterious rainbow boots for you. In the meantime, if you want a pair of alligator tail boots to match my parents, you can get you some
here. But please don't, ok.


Little Fish said...

Dear W.L.,

My Blue Heaven.

I love that movie. Steve Martin is hysterical with his terrible Italian accent. "Those shoes are tragic!" is a phrase still used in my family.

Hopefully things will be better.

Little Fish

LegalMist said...

My mom used to live in Asheville. It is a gorgeous little town. She lived in a condo in a castle-looking building just a smidge down the hill from the Grove Park Inn. It was a very cool building, and I loved it! I hope your parents enjoy it, and I hope you get many opportunities to visit. :)

Anonymous said...

I leave for vacation tomorrow morning with a stop in Asheville. I will be watching for a large RV and a couple who look like I imagine your parents do. I think seeing them would be the highlight of the trip!

Handy Man, Crafty Woman said...

My Blue Heaven! stupid movie, but I love Steve Martin so much!

Look out, Asheville, is right!

Raven Davis Chitalo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wanderjenn said...

The only rainbow boots that I can imagine are rainboots, and those might almost work. I will keep my fingers crossed that your future footwear will belong to this dimension.

Lynn said...

I agree with Raven (Ashevillian for 15 years, semi-recently moved away, though...)

Your parents will fit right in. Asheville's motto?

"Asheville: Where weird is normal"

JoeinVegas said...

Rainbow boots - harken back images of the Partridge Family for some reason.

JJ said...

Ha! If you read the description, it also says the boots have "western styling and western styling."

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick said...

The ad at the top says: "Ostrich, Croc, Stingray, Phyton Cowboy Boots, Shoes, Western Gear." Stingray? Really? And we think South Florida people are weird. At least they only BUY the stuff; somewhere people are MAKING these boots.

Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist said...

I have never been to Asheville but everyone I know who has ever passed through that town loves it like no other place. What is the allure? Why is it so special?

dissed said...

Nope, I believe Asheville will feel just like coming home. They'll fit right in.

Anonymous said...

The prices listed on the website are the old ones, The new prices are substantially lower.

amysue in texas

Anonymous said...

i live in w. asheville. your folks will be fine unless they think they will stand out. they won't. it's a great spot.

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