Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Ok, I just wanted to let you know that no one has yet been murdered because of this wedding. Yet.

If you see on the national news in the next few days something about a family massacre at a wedding in South Florida, well then you'll know it was us. And lest someone take me literally and call the police, which would be all I'd need about now, I am kidding. And because this is South Florida and family massacres are an unfortunate, regular occurrence around here, I guarantee you that one will happen this weekend and someone will swear it was me. It will not be. I am joking.

Here's some advice - don't get married at Christmas at home with only two months to plan. Please don't do this. For my sake. Don't do this and thank God I only have one sister so we won't have to go through this again.

Additionally, I have to walk down a long marble staircase wearing heels and carrying a bouquet as part of the processional. I have imagined every detail of the scenario in which I fall and roll the rest of the way down. I even have it planned out that I'll take the video of it and send it to America's Funniest Home Videos (please tell me it's still on) and win the grand prize $25,000. I will win that prize. I may even put the video on Youtube and go viral because I can not look at that staircase without seeing the image of me tumbling to the bottom of it, pieces of hair, ripped blue satin and torn flower petals tumbling with me and crushed under my weight.

Please tell me it is going to be ok.


Anonymous said...

It's going to be ok. Stop worrying about the stairs and just enjoy the moment. Make sure you get some of those slip proof things to put on the bottom of your shoes.

Shannon Culver said...

Top prize is now $100,000! Not that I'm hoping you'll win, or even be on, but just so you know - it might just be worth whatever your worst nightmare might be!

Erin Karcher said...


you gonna be fine.

Deep breaths. YOU are amazing.

Jean_Phx said...

It will be beautiful - I have no doubt. Have a great time.

Melanie said...

You're gonna be rich when you win the prize for best video!!!

Isn't that exciting?


life in the mom lane said...

*LMAO* It will be OK!!!
You won't fall... (alas no $25,000) and everyone will be serene and it will all go off without a hitch... the power of positive thinking!
Good luck!!

Anonymous said...

These are all normal thoughts when
you are walking down a staircase.
It will be okay (that's what you asked for ) but I will continue,
Look ahead - hold on to the railing,and for turmoil sake,
smile widely.
I was hoping that amongst your
busy time at school that you would
post about the wedding.

If the hem of the dress is long, as I am sure these are heels,
hold the dress up - daintily of course, haha, and again, as they
taught me in my 'walking' classes,
don't look down.

I loved that song by Kristofferson
and Streisand :) If it's scary,
don't look down.

Waiting patiently to hear it was
a great time. Happy thoughts.

I have given you as much as I can
to help in saying it will be okay.
Not wanting to think of anything
else, but whose in front to fall into ? :) just kidding.

This is time to celebrate.Thanks
for writing! Enjoy the moments!

in Canada

Erica said...

i maintain that weddings suck and will always suck...right up until when you start drinking at the rehearsal dinner :)

It will be okay.

It. Will. Be. Okay.

Good luck!

Jan said...

Ditch the heals, tell the photographer "shoot from the knees up". All will be OK

Green said...

It is going to be better than OKAY. Go outside and scuff up your shoes on the sidewalk so they're not slippery.

KirstyS said...

Put a couple of strips of non-slip stuff on the soles of your shoes, put your hand on the railing, the other hand (which has your bouquet in it) needs to slightly lift the dress if it's long. Then you keep your head up and as you put each foot down you gently swing it back so you can feel the back of the stair against your heel.

Or, of course, you sit on the railing with your legs crossed at the ankles, bouquet in your far hand (as opposed to the front hand which you'll need to vault off) and slide on down. Pretty sure that etiquette dictates that you don't scream "Wheeeeeee!" all the way down though.

Anonymous said...

It will be okay. Just don't let go of the bannister.

Unknown said...

Why do brides complicate matters so much by tossing in a marble staircase? Honestly, it's hard enough to pull off a wedding without AFV entering into the picture. I would try not to think about it. If you think too much about it, you're more likely to fall. But don't let that worry you even more. Don't think about not thinking about it.

MtnMama said...

I suppose it would permanently damage the marble to glue a lot of sand to it before hand, but sacrifices must be made. ;) I hope it goes well, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you... (too many variables).
Can't wait to read about it!

JoeinVegas said...

At least post the vid here.

Laurie said...

It'll be OK. Just remember to put those peel and stick non-skid things on the bottom of your shoes, then take them off once the party starts. Can't wait to read all about it. Have fun!!!

Courtney said...

You won't trip- you'll be great!! See you on Saturday!!

Anonymous said...

In order for your video to win, you must outdo the spectacularity of this:

But without a pool, I don't see how. Your only option is to walk, not tumble down. Just keep your magic superstar fingernail on the banister.

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