Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Nasty Assed Recipes - Christmas Candy

I have been dealing with several disasters, namely my fridge dying over the weekend and trying to get a new one, and coming down with a bad cold. I just wanted to make a nice pan of fudge. Just a nice, smooth, velvety, dark chocolate cube of comfort with maybe some toasted walnuts. I couldn't find my fudge recipe so I went online to look for popular recipes and what do I find but this atrocity. Velveeta cheese fudge. God help us all. I hear Paula Deen has really popularized this nasty-assed mess and for that, I despise her even more. She and Sandra Lee are the queens of Nasty-Assed recipe land. Behold. I do not make this up.

VELVEETA CHEESE FUDGE
1 lb. butter
1 lb. Velveeta cheese
4 lbs. confectioners' sugar
1 c. cocoa
2 1/2 c. chopped walnuts or your desire
1 tbsp. vanilla
In top of double boiler, melt butter and Velveeta cheese. They do not mix well, so be sure and stir well. While cheese and butter are melting, in large mixing bowl combine confectioners' sugar and sift in cocoa and mix well. Add nuts and mix well. When cheese and butter are melted, add vanilla. Mix real well and add immediately to sugar, cocoa and nuts. Mix well. Pour into chilled buttered 9"x13" oblong pan, spread evenly and chill until cool. Cut and serve.

Yeah, don't forget to include "Your Desire" when you make this. No recipe is complete without a nice heaping spoonful of raw, unchecked desire. Desperation is often pretty tasty too.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

"They do not mix well" should be the first clue...

Anonymous said...

I was totally about to send you this recipe, because my co-worker just made it for all of us & brought it as our Christmas present. It's actually not as bad as it sounds, but it's certainly not as yummy as real fudge (even marshmallow fluff fudge). She also microwaves hers, which adds a whole other comedic level. Of course she didn't tell us it was made of velveeta until we had tried it. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to tell you how it tastes. It has a definately off texture, which, I now know is the velveeta. Thanks for sharing.

Cassie said...

Wow. And I thought there was nothing you couldn't put cheese on to make better. But I never would have thought to cross the sweet/sugar line. Just...wow.

Sandra @ The Memory Workshop said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

(word verifcation: shickles! LOL)

seryan said...

"Velveeta" and "confectioner's sugar" should never appear in the same recipe together. Ever. Yeuch.

Arwen said...

I was shocked as all get-out when I saw Emeril, yes Emeril giving the recipe for Popcorn Cake... that's about as Nasty Assed as it comes... Popcorn, marshmallows, M&Ms and peanuts. Seriously? I lost all respect for him in that moment.

Silliyak said...

This was an annual gift from my better half's step grandmother. We had hoped the recipe died with her...

Sally said...

I actually tried some of this at work, but I didn't know it was Velveeta. It was really odd. It didn't really taste like fudge, but the texture was the same. Definitely did not leave me "desiring" for more.

Mommy said...

I've always wanted to try making fudge until I read this recipe.

On another note, I have tried Paula Deen's creamy macaroni and cheese. It is actually very good and not the recipe that she suggests frying.

Jeannie said...

I'm so glad they stop velveeta coming over the border.

Anonymous said...

haha, as soon as I read it, I
thought exactly what the first
commenter wrote ''They do not
mix well''.

No kidding.

I also saw the Emeril episode
with the disgusting popcorn cake,
I fully concur with Arwan.

I have 2 friends that are fantastic
at baking -so I leave it to them,
happily.

I should give them this recipe - you know - just to screw with them.

Cathi

Cathi

Anonymous said...

You know, if you substituted cream cheese for velveeta it might just taste quite decadent, like cheesecake fudge or something.

Or perhaps I've been drinking too much over the last week...

~Maureen~

Ms. Marcia said...

If you want quick and easy homemade fudge simply heat a can of sweetened condensed milk in a pan [or the micro if you trust that] to just bubbling, dump in a 12 oz. bag of whatever flavor of chocolate [butterscotch, peanut butter, white chocolate] chips you have on hand, remove from heat, stir till the chips are melted, dump in the kind of nuts you have on hand, pour into a buttered dish/pan and let it all cool! Voila! you have fudge in about 3 minutes! My neighbors say it is the BEST fudge ever! I can't stand Paul Dean either, y'all! LOL

MERRY CHRISTMAS and looking forward to a New Year of following your adventures!

Hugs from CO ... Marcia

nandy said...

I bet it would be a LOT better if you substituted cream cheese for the Velveeta.

JTN said...

I make homemade peppermint patties (powdered sugar, peppermint extract, and condensed milk and then dip in chocolate) and ran across this gem when I was looking for the portions (i'm out of town right now)
I found this beyond gross... using mashed potatoes as the filling in peppermint patties. UGH. nasty assed.
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chocolate-Covered-Peppermint-Patties/Detail.aspx

Reiven said...

you are a Velveeta cheese recipe magnet!

seryan said...

Have you seen the Gallery of Regrettable Foods? http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/spec.html

SkippyMom said...

I literally got nauseous reading this. Is she serious? I am not a chocolate fan, but velveta AND chocolate?

Pregnant women wouldn't crave this .... blech

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