Thursday, December 10, 2009

Just Peeking In From Final's Week


It's finals week. I don't like it. It's also the holidays and my sister is getting married this week. I have also been getting terrible service everywhere I go. South Florida just doesn't have much Christmas spirit. Maybe that's due to the record heat.

I need like three or four personal assistants.

Here are some brief vignettes from my past week:

Husband and I went to a restaurant that is a personal favorite of ours. We don't get to spend much time together, so it was a big deal to get to have a date alone with him. When we got to the restaurant we ordered and got our food and then discovered and I kid you not, that the restaurant was out of forks. And they didn't tell us this when we ordered. There were no forks period. Husband had to run across the road to a Taco Bell to get some sporks. No one apologized. In the restaurant's defense, I wrote them a letter when we got home and they are sending me some gift cards, but seriously, how on earth does a restaurant not have forks?

Then we went to get a Christmas tree. We've never had one before and part of my birthday gift was that this year we would finally have one. I was enormously excited. I love the whole idea of bringing a live tree inside and hanging stuff on it. So we get to the Christmas tree lot and there's fake snow and carols playing and a gigantic man comes running after us with a chainsaw screaming. It was like "The Nightmare Before Christmas."

"WE CLOSE!! WE CLOSE!!" the man with the chainsaw yelled.

"What time do you close?" Husband asked.


It was 8:45.

Husband went into the store that was in charge of the Christmas tree lot and got a manager who looked like a Mormon school principal from Utah. The manager was livid that the Christmas tree cutters were slacking and he marched outside and made them give us a tree and the whole time you could tell that they were secretly hoping our tree contained a nest of rattlesnakes that would wake up, slither out and kill us when we got it home. It wasn't the cheeriest Christmas tree shopping experience. It definitely wasn't what I had imagined for our first time choosing a tree, but the tree is very pretty, even if I only have seven ornaments, none of which match. It's a little on the Charlie Brown side, but it's ours and I think it's beautiful.

Then I had to go get my bridesmaids dress shortened. I went to the same place I always go to for alterations, but I hadn't been in a while. My normal tailor was an old Indian man whose claim to fame was that once, back in the 70s, the Osmonds had been in town and had needed alterations to their costumes and he had been the one to do it. He had signed pictures of the Osmonds all over the shop. Every time I went in, he'd tell me about the time he sewed costumes for the Osmonds.

This time, the Osmonds' favorite tailor was gone, replaced by his mean nephew. The mean nephew had the most elaborate bouffant hairstyle. It must take him hours each morning, and he was wearing pleated slacks, a silk shirt and far too much cologne. He explained that his uncle had retired and that he was taking over the shop. He was extremely surly and he had his son in the backroom at a desk. Every few minutes, he'd look over at the kid and yell at him:


In addition to my dress for the wedding, I also took in some pants that are too long and a dress that needs taking out in the waist and he proceeded to tell me that I wanted my pants too short and that my dress was cheap. Then, as I stood on a block while he pinned up the hem of my bridesmaid's dress he told me I had a gut. Really, the man is lucky that I didn't kick him right in the head. He wasn't in a good position to be saying things like that to a woman in high heels.

After that he told me that I have no shape and the bridesmaids dress is flattering because it gives me a shape. I wanted to put pins in his eyeballs. The Osmonds would never have put up with something like that. I'm finding a new tailor the next time I need something sewn, which is likely to be in several years.

That's about it. I have a hundred papers to grade. Literally. I am just exhausted. I need some Christmas cheer.


Gina said...

Sadly, I worked in a restaurant like that. The manager was a douche and used to use the place as his personal shopper. he would have big parties and take everything home and we would be out of steaks (the signature item), shrimp, potatoes, ketchup, butter and salt.

And on Mother's Day this year, we went to a seafood buffet at a resort where crab legs are the big draw, and they had sent all of their shell crackers out to a catered event.

Anonymous said...

I am suffering from "Hell Week" (Finals) but you managed to make me think "LOL" - to kicking the guy in the head.

Though I am kind of worried ... should I really be "thinking" in internet-lingo ... I need some sleep, good night.

BoB said...

There's tons of food left over in the undergrad lounge (where I am finishing up a grad quantum assignment) from the pre-finals party. It's pretty cheery for me, brownies and animal crackers to snack on when mathing.

And I had my daughter tell me "This is math! And it's fun!" when I was helping her count her violin music for the school concert. That was cheery, too.

kerry said...

Out of forks? Wow. Glad you managed to find some.

I hope you enjoy your Christmas tree. I'm sure your 7 ornaments will be more than happy to make your holiday cheery. In spite of the tree cutters and everybody else who gave you bad service.

sha said...

You are too nice. I would have told the guy off. After I got over my initial shock of being treated like crap.

I guess it's possible to be short on forks if the stupid wait staff (and I have worked most facets of food service) were just dumping the dishes without looking for forks.

Last Minute Lyn said...

Indian men are pretty vain and smelly..way too much cologne..why doesn't anyone tell them?

Albany Jane said...

Aw, I love fresh Xmas trees. I never throw them out on time. One year it was the end of February before I tossed it out (way after the garbage stopped taking them) and the neighborhood kids propped this sad, withered, skeleton of a tree right in the center of the road.

This year I got the tackiest mini purple fake tree. It's awesome!

MtnMama said...

I'm on my OWN sh*t list this year for not sending my application in time for the Fire Dept's cut your own tree fest in the mountains here. The only ones still not sold out are too far into the freezing woods to take a 5 year old alone. So I've got to suck it up and get one from a lot this year, which means dried out and 35 to 50 bucks instead of lovely and fresh and 10 bucks, and helping the local environment with forest fire control.
At least my daughter won't care about the difference, and I've got a huge box of ornaments going back 30 years. There's some benefit to being old and sentimental.

Aleta said...

Cripes! I can't believe ANY man would have the nerve to say what that guy did. I would have kicked or walked out.

Hope your Christmas cheer arrives soon!

Jean_Phx said...

Welcome back! Missed your writing - but truly understand. Enjoy the tree. I found a purple festooned tree that you hang on the wall and put the presents under on the floor. I know - the best ever.

the Bag Lady said...

Get some wide wired ribbon, tie it into big bows and wire them onto the tree. It'll be pretty. I promise. (Of course, if you've read my blog recently, you'll hesitate about taking advice from someone who buys an artificial tree that is losing it's plastic needles faster than any real tree ever did in my house..... sigh.)

dissed said...

No, you don't take that crap. They say that crap? You get dressed and leave the store. There are other tailors. As for No Forks, well holy hell. There is no excuse. I'm sorry for all of this, but look on the bright side: you have stories until the cows come home. All of this falls under the heading, "you can't make this shit up."

Anonymous said...

I think your tailor has a hairdressing brother: I took a picture in to a hair appointment and was told I was too old for the cut!

JoeinVegas said...

No forks, and they didn't tell you until the food was served? wow

And a Florida Christmas tree - must be as nice as a Vegas one.

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