Friday, December 18, 2009

At Least I Didn't Get Money Nails

I'm afraid my mother is going to have a heart attack. If you've been watching the weather channel, you'll know that we're having severe weather down here. There are flash floods and it hasn't stopped pouring since lunchtime yesterday. We even have a tornado warning right now until one. It is a mess. It's the perfect day to stay inside and drink hot chocolate, but we have the wedding rehearsal, so that's not an option. I also have to pack because I am staying at my parents' with my sister tonight and I have to transport my uncomfortably snug dress in the rain. I kept feeling like I was forgetting something and then I realized, yes, yes I had forgotten something and that was the speech and toast I'm supposed to give. I'm going with this excuse - everyone wants to drink and no one wants to hear me yammer on, so I'm keeping it short. I've done some of my best work at the last minute. That's pretty much how I got through years of schooling anyway.

Yesterday we went to Nail By Asian Movie Star to get our manicures and pedicures and they were so excited about our special occasion that they really wanted to bling out our nails, although that isn't our style. My sister refused. I told them they could make one flower on my ring finger and that's it. Well, this was ignored and before I knew it my ring finger looked like it was going to get a blonde weave, wear blue contacts and ditch the bridesmaid's gown for a set of pasties and some booty shorts. At one point, it asked me to get it a 40 of Old E. I showed it to my darling and very diplomatic cousin Miriam who said that "it's really not your style I think." I asked them to please tone it down. One flower only. They just couldn't resist. They added some dots and then, horror of horrors, they put a tiny diamond in the center of the flower. The Asian Movie Star girls were so excited that I just let them. It was better than the first attempt and they thought it was so beautiful that I didn't want to hurt their feelings and be a pain and make them remove it. It is better, as I said. Now my ring finger just looks like it hangs out in the Super Wal-Mart parking lot for fun and eats bags of Krystal burgers in the car. I can promise you that my cousins in Millpond would think my nails were the most beautiful and wedding appropriate thing they had ever seen.

Last night a friend of mine, who is beautiful and perfect (one of those girls who never eats or poops) came over and I showed it to her.

"Oh my," she said, "And are you wearing a grill for the wedding too?"

"Girl please," I said, "Of course I am."


Jean_Phx said...

Yeah, but those money nails were money! Have a great time at the wedding. Just curl your little finger when they come to take the pics except for one and let your sister try to figure out which one has the fingernail.

MtnMama said...

My favorite part of your story is your descriptions of your nail's personality (disorder)! Excellent. The other nails are horrified to be hanging with the trailer nail. Have a great time! :)

Erica said...

No disrespect to your wonderful descriptive writing, but I feel we all really need a picture of your white trash nail :)

Anonymous said...

Second that request for the picture of your nail! the Asian Movie Star girls' work needs to be fully appreciated!

Albany Jane said...

Confession - I totally, completely love tacky fake nails. I don't know what it is, but if it shines, sparkles, and glitters I'm in.

That said, my 'fancy' nails lately have been french tips with a teensy bit of silver glitter as a line under the white part. Just a leeeetle bit tacky.;)

Anonymous said...

DH and I were in Miami-ish on exactly one day, Dec. 18, attempting to do that thing where you enjoy the scenic drive through the Keys. It was our first and only time in Florida. I have learned that your town is very rainy, and sort of cold.

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