Thursday, October 08, 2009

Where I Am

I am finally going to end the story very shortly. I swear. Because I have lost my mind, I keep taking on classes, mainly for the sole purpose of being able to shop online. This is my logic. Ok, one more class, 10 extra hours of work per week, ok, that means about four dresses at Anthropologie. OK! I'll do it! But as yet I haven't actually bought anything at Anthropologie, though I have considered it. My school realized that I won't say no to them when they ask me to teach more and more classes which they strangely keep adding on to the schedule although the semester is half over. Over-enrollment, they say. Yes, I will teach a 75th class, I say. Just yesterday they asked me to teach yet another class. This time I think they were messing with me. They were sitting around taking bets with one another in the admin office over whether or not I would say yes. Let's really test her limits, they said. They asked me to teach an early morning class that lasts for six hours, on a Saturday. I actually considered it. I really did. But no. I think I caused some of my co-workers to lose money on that one. But no. I could have probably bought ten dresses at Anthropologie and several cashmere cardigans from J. Crew but no no no.

So that's where I've been. I have been in my classroom teaching people how to write a complete sentence. I can't really write about my job further than what I've just told you. I don't really want to write about my job, but I would just like you all to know that you can thank me for at least attempting to pound some good sense into America's youth and for teaching them that it's not ok to write sentences like this: "I goin 2 the store wit u u can git sum sell phonz their." I find my job very rewarding, by the way, and I have tremendous fun with my students (they might disagree though) and I know I am doing the absolute right thing with my life. This is a good feeling. I have had some true "Stand and Deliver," "Dangerous Minds" kinds of moments. I have also felt very Hilary Swank in that movie where she taught her students about the Holocaust. A few times on my long commute back home I have thought to myself "I should take my class to Poland." This may be the result of sleep deprivation.

Did I mention that in my haste to buy Anthropologie dresses that I also said yes to an early morning class where I have to be at a school an hour away by 7:30 in the morning? Oh yes. I did that. I have learned my lesson because getting up at 5:45 in the morning IS NOT ENJOYABLE FOR ME AT ALL. And it will not be happening ever again in my entire life. I am very serious about this. I did not go to school for almost eight straight years of my life to get a job where I have to get up before the sun comes up.

In addition to all this teaching and not shopping, but fantasizing about shopping, I have also been moving back into my apartment, because guess who is coming home from five months in an RV across America? Yup, my parents. They should be back very shortly. No more bathtub for me. Unfortunately my grilling pleasures ended prematurely a few weeks ago because the stupid grill broke. It probably wore out because I used it too much. I'm definitely going to get cancer from all the grilled food I consumed this summer, though I'm hoping that the next six months in my apartment without a grill will even everything out. Can I just admit that I'm a little nervous about my parents coming home? I am. You just never know who they've picked up on these trips and who might be coming to live with them once they get home. I am actually frightened about what kinds of characters they may have met across America and invited to Thanksgiving dinner with us. The craziest part is that the people actually come!

Also, one of my 787 cousins, Fallon, has gotten engaged and has asked me to be in her wedding, which is very exciting. I've been trying to help her out with wedding planning.

The last thing I wanted to tell you is that as I've been moving back into my apartment, I have discovered a new crazy person is living in the blue crack house apartment building across the street from my apartment building. This man - well I can't even describe it honestly. He's definitely schizophrenic or something close to it. He wears a Xanadu-ish roller derby from 1980 silky shorts and cropped top kind of outfit, complete with a sparkly sweatband around his forehead and he does nothing but roller skate around town carrying a small, plastic cocktail tray with different sizes, shapes and colors of empty plastic cups glued to it. As he skates he balances the tray on his palm like a waiter and kind of weakly twirls it sometimes, but not exactly as if he's doing tricks with it. And it's not all that impressive because A. the cups are plastic B. the cups are empty and C. the cups are glued to the tray, so it doesn't take much skill to get them to stay on there while he skates. You just kind of have to see it for yourself. I will attempt to take a picture the next time I run into him.

And that's what I've been doing, you all.

11 comments:

Jean_Phx said...

I realize why it could make you nervous about the peeps that your 'rents bring home but it makes great reading for us :-) I can't wait to see who they've met on their trip. They were probably roadies for U-2 for a month. Your parents rock!

Ordinary Housewife said...

Is he the guy from Reno 911? Sounds like him.

kerry said...

Y'know, it was a 10th grade English teacher who has been most influential in my life. I credit her with making sure I knew proper structure and grammar and all that good stuff, and which means that now I can write a decent piece if I need to, and I appreciate well-written pieces. She was an amazing teacher and I kind of wish I knew how to find her so I could say thank you.

I hope whoever your parents have picked up are entertaining and harmless.

Green said...

Mazel tov to F!

Please tell me your English class is below whatever the equivalent is of English 101. I'd be really pissed if I paid money for a class that might finally teach me how to stop ending sentences in a preposition, only to be surrounded by people who don't know cell from sell and there from their.

I love Anthropologie's housewares.

Wide Lawns said...

Rest assured, it is below 101. I teach that too and they can all form complete sentences.

Aleta said...

I think I'm actually looking forward to what type of character your parents bring home. It always makes for funny stories!

K said...

You're going to have to take a photo - because, that is truly unbelievable.

LegalMist said...

I just wanted to let you know that I made you my "Friday Feature" for today. You can check it out here, if you like: http://legalmist.blogspot.com/2009/10/friday-feature-wide-lawns-and-narrow.html

Have a great weekend!

laura said...

Oh my! You should just get a part time job at Anthropologie. Thats what I did to afford my habit! :)

Anonymous said...

You should try MODCLOTH.COM
same style, half the price.

Pat said...

Gee...and I thought you missed ME! Ha!

What have I been doing? Moving my mom from the Mid West into assisted living in NY, then driving back and forth to visit both her and my aunt, who lives nearby. They can't be in the SAME assisted living because they don't get along too well.

And then there was the birth of our first grandchild on Sept 18th, not to mention all the sweaters I have been obsessively knitting.

It's so much nicer to knit than get up for the 2 o'clock feeding! (but I will have to beware the knitter's butt.)

Happy to hear about your new neighbors.

I'll tell you another time about when I team taught a freshman English class in a NYC College.

Oh...and driving to Florida.

I've said enough already! ;)

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