Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Big News!

Readers, I need to tell you something.

MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

Oh my effing Christ. My sister is getting married. Yes, that one. My only one. Seriously. My sister.

The whole thing started last week. Not even a week ago my sister called me and said she was getting married. She had discussed it with her boyfriend and they were doing it. I had lunch with the boyfriend. He had lunch with my parents. By Saturday we were drinking champagne and today, I kid you not, I spent my entire school holiday, day off in a bridal shop squeezing my boobs into a strapless gown that was a size too small because they didn't have my size and it made me happy I wasn't born in the times when women put these things on every single day of their lives. No wonder they all died in their thirties. By the end of the day my sister had a dress and I had a dress and we were off the get invitations.

You know why? The wedding is December 19th. That is seven weeks away. This is how my sister does things and demonstrates a fundamental difference between the two of us. My sister is more like my mother. My parents were married within ten months of meeting. They were engaged for like a week. If that. They got married in their apartment rather suddenly. My sister has known her fiance since May and decided upon a rather short engagement. She is not pregnant (and neither am I, yay!). I dated my husband for three years and was engaged for almost nine months and that even seemed whirlwindy and impulsive to me. I am just an extremely slow person. I am slow at everything. One could say I have a phlegmatic temperament. I take forever to do anything. I'm methodical. I like to think about things endlessly without actually doing anything. No one else in my family is like this, so I don't know where this came from.

In seven weeks we are going to have a wedding!! I am really excited. I wasn't shocked, surprisingly. You'd think this all would have shocked me, but nothing anyone in my family does shocks me at all anymore and since I've been getting acupuncture I've learned to practice joyful detachment (isn't that an oxymoron?). Really though. I'm happy. There's going to be a party! The best part is that the whole entire wedding is going to be at my parents' house. Seriously, do you all not even understand the writing material this event will provide?

Such as this:

Because my wedding was methodically planned well in advance, it took me eight months to get my wedding dress. I picked it out quickly but it had to be made and sent from Lord knows where and it took an eternity. Because this wedding is so fast we had to go to an "off the rack" store which is fine and way cheaper, but...they had red leopard bridesmaid dresses and there were people at the store actually admiring them. I should have taken a picture, but I was all beside myself at seeing my little sister in her wedding dress. Which was the hot pink leopard. No, not really. Her dress is stunning. I can't wait to see her in it. I know I am going to cry. I almost cried in the store today but I composed myself so as not to cause a scene. It was such a cliche moment. They put the veil on her and suddenly the whole thing looked for real and then my whole life with my sister flashed in front of me and I remembered things like dragging her by the arm to the bus stop in the mornings, making her a shitty Halloween costume one year when our parents weren't home and taking her trick or treating, the time she and my cousins pooped in a cardboard box not once, but a total of three times, when she got her nipples pierced in high school while my parents were on vacation, the time she ripped the ass out of a pair of white pants before we went out, the time we pathetically attempted to get high on Thanksgiving but neither of us really inhaled, going to Orlando with her one Christmas when we decided to wear matching angora sweaters that we were both allergic to... I could go on endlessly. And there she was. A bride. With a veil. It was too much for me, so I pretended I was cold and went outside.

My sister is getting married. I'm going to have a brother-in-law. Miraculously, I really like him. You would too. The man knows how to disarm land mines and bombs. It's like I'm getting Jack Bauer for a brother-in-law. We needed that in this family too. Not a one of us knows a thing about explosives.

17 comments:

alissa said...

congratulations :) that's so exciting!

Anonymous said...

Mazel Tov!!!!
Love, Lil Skraps

LegalMist said...

Congrats to your sister! And woo-hoo for you! Nothing better than a wedding party! Can't wait to read all about it...

KirstyS said...

Awwww! A wedding! Congratulations to your sister and her fiance....and please thank them in advance for all the fun posts we're going to read about their wedding. :D

The Hosta Chronicles said...

Yay! Congratulations! Can't wait to hear everything!

Jenny said...

Congratulations to your sister and your whole family!!

I myself am getting married the week before hers, on the 12th of December. I'll be sure to think of you guys the week after!

MtnMama said...

I'm happy for you all. How nice to like him, to be excited, and to have something fun to do and write about! Yay!

Melanie said...

Congratulations to your sister! I look forward to reading all about it!

kerry said...

Congratulations! I don't think "joyful detachment" is an oxymoron- I think it's a great idea!

JoeinVegas said...

And you will probably soon be an aunt . . .

Belinda said...

Congratulations! Sounds like fun! Lots of happy and warm wishes sent to your family.

Jean_Phx said...

Aunt Kiki, Fallon, Mommom Jewel - Oh the joy! You'll have a great time. Will you be able to take some time from school to enjoy? I would imagine your sister will need you present to keep her focused. Will some of your parents friends get to come to the wedding - please :-)

Fancy Schmancy said...

Congrats to your sister, and best wishes to the happy couple!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to your sister and her fiance! Now go start obsessing over her wedding cake, I know that will be your department. Mmmm.... cake....

For what it's worth, I think you would be a terrific mother should you change your mind. We need more moms like you who actually give a crap about how their children would behave in public and what kind of adults they would grow up to be.

Prudence Octavia said...

that is fantastic news - so exciting!

Anonymous said...

Congrats to your sister, fiance and your entire family!

And I hope her cake doesn't end up on the Cake Wrecks site! :-)

I look forward to reading all about it.

Aleta said...

Awww, Congratulations!!! How wonderful!

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