Thursday, July 02, 2009
2:18 PM | Posted by Wide Lawns | | Edit Post
Well, I am back from my acupuncture appointment and feeling quite one with the universe here. It was different from what I expected. I found it to hurt a little more than people say it does, but nothing major and nothing I couldn't handle by any means and I felt so so so much better afterwards that I would say a little pinprick is worth it.
I am going to the acupuncturist for relief of the symptoms caused by my autoimmune issues, one of which is bothering me particularly lately. I am also going because my health causes me enormous anxiety and fear which interferes with my daily functioning and creates a vicious cycle where I worry about my health, then because I am worrying I have more symptoms and then I worry more and I can't get out of it. The constant anxiety hurts my spirit and makes me act in ways that just aren't who I am or want to be.
According to the acupunturist, I am blaming myself for my health too much. I am also starving myself and all of my anxiety is caused by my physical problems not the other way around. In other words, I'm not really doing this to myself and I'm not responsible for what ails me. That made me feel a lot better and less guilty. He also said that I am "All About the Liver." Hmmm.
Then I layed on a nice soft table and he stuck needles on the insides of my fingers, my left elbow, both of my feet and somewhere in the middle of my right arm. You can definitely feel the needles going in. It's less than the pain of a shot, so it's no big deal, but you can feel the needles. Once they've been in for a while you can't feel them until they move them. I sat still for a while and he came back and twisted and twirled the needles until it felt like electric shocks were traveling up and down my body, which was not without pain, but also not unpleasant either. My left arm began to ache mildly as well. But then I noticed an absence of the constant annoying mental chatter that torments even in my sleep. It just went away. I stopped worrying. I began to admire a spot on the ceiling. I imagined a big hole cut in the crown of my head (which is what I do when I compose poetry by the way) and a wave of white light rushing in (also what I do when I write poems) and I just felt like everything was going to be ok for once. I felt like I could be in the present instead of my usual five steps ahead of the present because oh my god something terrible might happen five minutes from now and I have to be prepared for it and save everyone from it. And I just felt calm and peaceful in a way that I honestly never have, never once. I have been crying all day long in relief. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. I'm just relieved and to feel that after never feeling it, is really something.
After I left I cried because I felt so happy and the Royal Poinciana tree looked so pretty and Canela was so soft and I could feel her entire soft body ripple with vibrations when I picked her up and I wasn't thinking about my husband getting into a car accident or the mail getting wet in the storm or fifty things I need to do by tomorrow or how I may have forgotten a deadline. It was all gone. All that nonsense was gone.
So this worked for me. If this is just a placebo I don't care. I feel better.
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