Monday, March 09, 2009

Why I Love Cats

A full mysterious week of cat drool later, Canela is perfectly fine and totally unfazed. Whatever troubled her is gone. Nothing whatsoever is wrong with her. Nothing.

This is why I love cats. They're just such pains in the asses and they really seem to enjoy it. Canela just soaked up (literally and figuratively) all the Greenies, catnip, blanket beds and whatever else I gave her to make her feel better last week. Then, this morning she got in bed with me and bit me so hard on the arm that she broke the skin. For no reason. She had food and ice cubes and everything her little feline heart could possibly desire. Husband thinks she bit me because she doesn't understand daylight savings time and that he threw her off schedule getting up (to her) an hour earlier and that maybe she thought I should be up too. I think this theory would make more sense if it were Fall and we had turned the time back making me seem like I was in bed longer, but honestly I don't know. Maybe she bit me for fun. That's how cats are you know.

Cats can be such little shits. Here's a perfect example. Back when I lived in Atlanta I had a cat named Blackie ( I know, very original) who was an indoor/ outdoor cat. He constantly got into trouble. This cat had eighteen lives. I have never in my life had more problems with a cat. He ate poisonous wild onions, got hit by a car, got stuck under the crawlspace in the house for two days and yes I did check there and no he didn't come out, and he got stung by a wasp causing his paw to swell up like a black velvet boxing glove. Once Blackie even got stuck five stories up in a towering, hundred year old magnolia that sat across the street in the lawn of the Christian Boarding House. This is when I learned, as my cat's wails echoed clear to the Georgia Tech campus, that firemen do not really rescue cats from trees. This is also when I learned that you should not put a step ladder on the slanted roof of a house and that sometimes, while cats will cause huge, embarassing scenes when they are stuck in treetops, that if you ignore them sometimes they'll get the nerve up to come down on their own.

I really loved this cat. Blackie, for all this trouble, really was one of my favorite cats. I'll never forget the image of him, all prowl and panthery, racing up the street in a hailstorm because he'd ignored my calls earlier when I'd heard thunder and tried to get him in. He used to take walks with me, following me up and down the street. But still, Blackie was a shit.

One night I was sitting in my living room watching TV with Blackie purring beside me on the couch. All of a sudden he leapt to his feet and began the lurching, gulping retch to cough up a hairball.

"BLACKIE NOOOOO!" I shouted.

I had already cleaned up enough cat barf from my carpets and furniture and I knew this one would be bad because Blackie had a full stomach. I scooped him up and tossed him (gently) out the front door to puke outside.

About a half hour later I heard him meowing on the front step to come back in. I got up, opened the door and there, in the driveway I discovered that the hood of my car was completely covered in dripping piles of cat yack.

And that, dear readers, is why you just have to love cats.

17 comments:

Miss Kitty said...

Hahahahahhaaaaaa! Those are my kittehs to a T!

Student/Teacher said...

This is why I am a dog person.

Anonymous said...

Story of my life X 12.

Here is something to illustrate the point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s13dLaTIHSg

Always happy to read about Canela. Your post about the toilet trained cat is what brought me to your blog. I have read and enjoyed every post since.

Cats are here to teach us not to take ourselves or life so seriously. That is their give to the human race.

Cat Trapper

Whiskeymarie said...

I love how weird, funny, unpredictable and independent the little furry nuggets are. I may never have a dog again...

Mamie said...

You are RIGHT ON! I sent the link to your post to my mom; she will emphasize immediately and completely. Great writing!

Serenity said...

Couldn't agree more. In my house I have a little mat inside the door to step on before you take your shoes off. The rest of the floor is hardwood.

Just today, as I was cleaning up, I noticed that one of the cats puked up a hairball right on that little slice of carpet mat ignoring the mass expanse of EASY TO CLEAN hardwood floor.

I think it's intentional.

kerry said...

I do love cats. And yes, she probably did bite you just for fun.

My cat is just very needy- when I come home, she glues herself to my shoulder. She drools when she's happy. And she has these wierd cyst things in her eyes. Totally harmless, but the vet had everybody in the office take a look, since he hadn't seen a cat with them.

Missicat said...

Ah, yes, kitties. Good thing they are so cute!
Though sometimes they are the opposite - Bad Cat once threw up in my bathroom sink. Gross site first thing in the a.m., but so easy to clean up....

MtnMama said...

uh, yeah... that's why I have dogs. I had a roommate who's cat used my houseplants for litter boxes. Killed plants I'd had for years and made the house smell like the worst imaginable stench.

love your stories, though.

Amanda said...

I don't understand why it has to be cat or dog for people. Why not both?

My dog loves me unconditionally. But the cat makes me work for her affection so that I don't get too full of myself.

The cat ignores me when I want to cuddle. She is not interested. The dog is there to comfort me.

So I say have both! :0)

Amanda said...

P.S.- I am so happy that Canela is feeling better!

kaylee said...

I have always had cats/kittens.
I have had a Blackie.
They always get even and mad.
I have a talking pain in
the rear, named Emmie.
I should have named her you little
shit.

renee in seattle said...

If you like cats because they are pain in the ass little shits, you are going to loooove kids!

JoeinVegas said...

Better the car which you can just hose off than the couch, or you.

foxymoron said...

Terrible day at work + Wide Lawns + Blackie story = my first and much needed laugh of the day.

Hilary said...

Blackie was a vindictive little thing. Gotta love that. I had one cat that had a heart of gold. She'd race for the litter box to hork up her stomach contents.. whether food or fur ball. She was a gem.

pocketdoc said...

Ahhh yes. This is exactly why I love the felines, too. Don't you love the way they pretend to be nonchalant right after they do something stupid, like fall off the windowsill? After the panicked pawing at the air, they look around, lick some errant fur, and then saunter into the other room as if nothing happened.

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