Monday, November 03, 2008

My Sixth Grade School Picture


This is my sixth grade school picture and I am posting it because this picture was actually taken during the story I am about to tell you. This is what I looked like. I was almost eleven here, as I have a late birthday. I was also suffering from some unfortunate bangs and fly-away hairs. I struggled with that smile as this picture was taken during what was one of the most difficult years of my life, even still. The events of this year still affect me now as an adult, even after years of therapy and self-help books and Bach flower remedies. I think they always will. I am looking up at something here. I guess the school photographer must have pointed up and I looked at the second he flashed the camera. I don't know. I always thought I looked so ugly here and so tragically sad. Maybe other people don't see it that way. Maybe I see it that way because I remember how I felt and how, if I won the election, everything would be better.

17 comments:

Paige said...

Isnt is amazing how some pics can bring back a flood of emotions?

I think you have beautiful eyes - I am sure the photog was just trying to show them off

Diana said...

Amazing, I don't see any of that here. I see an adorable little girl - I think you look so pretty! - who is perhaps shy and on the serious side. It's the kind of pic I'd stare at and try to find a story behind, if I found it at a flea market, abandoned in someone's old treasured photo frame.

That Girl said...

You were cute when you were a little girl. Maybe you didn't feel like you were, but it's true. Me on the other hand, I was a geeky mess. If you've ever seen the movie Welcome to the Dollhouse - I gave Dawn Weiner a run for her money. It was BAD!

kerry said...

Sad maybe. Ugly? No. Not at all. **hugs** to that little girl, and to you now.

Miss Kitty said...

I feel you on looking back at pics, WL. I agree with Diana on her impressions of this pic...and am so glad you turned out okay. [big hug]

Karen said...

I see such wisdom and resignation in those big brown eyes.

Anonymous said...

Pretty little girl. Your picture looks like Natalie Wood when she was a little girl.

Lauren

Aleta said...

I see a shy girl with beautiful eyes. A little sad, but that could be from the shyness. I'm sorry the picture brings back sad memories for such a lovely girl.

Alessandra said...

I don't think bangs looked bad on your eleven year old self at all. You were such a pretty girl. But yeah, it's visible that that's not a smile, smile. It's almost a smirk, but a sad one if that's possible. Almost like you sighed and said "there, a smile. Happy now?"

God, human beings can sometimes be so disgusting.

Andromanche said...

Hey! Long time luker here...I almost hate to say this but, to me, you just look like a normal kid in this picture. Really normal. I love reading the stories you're posting. Keep writing (not that you were going to stop...) ^_^

FreshHell said...

Ditto to all the previous comments. I see a beautiful girl. My eleventh year sucked, too, when my parents divorced. Not good.

Caroline said...

I was just telling someone last night about the horror that was my childhood. Home life was decent but school was hellish. I was the girl with glasses and a big fat beige hearing aid on her chest that was nicknamed The third boob. To this day, cannot talk about it without getting choked up. I even had the spelling of my name changed so it would no longer be identical to a particular classmate who tortured me daily. I feel the same way when I look at my elementary school pics. Others see a cute girl, I just see vast magnitudes of despair.
Just relieved to say that it's all in the past. Way in the past. As long as I don't think about it or talk about it, I'm fine.
As I read your post, I understood utterly what you were saying.

TK said...

You were a *cutie pie*! Sure, you tie that photo to how you felt then, it's tattooed on your brain; but others see that you were just lovely, with an innate sweetness.

Crap on your parents for doing mean shite to you! Only sick cowards bully and abuse children.

Maybe we're related, I was forced to stay in my room all the time if I was ever in the house, and was yelled at even if I came out to use the bathroom. My stepmother starved me on purpose and was emotionally abusive to me for years, she was insane and always angry, and my father was a weenie and an idiot. I finally told them both off and walked away. You're kinder than I am, I refer to my biological father as "the sperm donor".

From reading your blog, I'd guess that you're intelligent,sensitive and wise, and you grew up to be a superb human being. Which they never will be. Kudos to you!

mysecondjournal said...

..I LOVE the bangs. You were a beautiful girl.

Anonymous said...

You were pretty. You looked like just a regular kid.

Kate said...

You were a beautiful girl, I echo the sentiment. You remind me of myself, a little, but I think sixth grade was the year I cut my hair short.

That picture made me laugh, and then cry later, after I read how your stepmother treated you. Thank God you were stronger than that.

Happy belated birthday, btw.

Breny said...

I think you are gorgeous in this picture. Your eyes are captivating.

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