Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I am wildly crabby right now. Crabby with a passion. I haven't been in this bad of a mood in ages. I honestly fear what I might write and hope that I can control myself enough to not write something I'll regret.

Everything is on my nerves period. Everything. And I just want it to be Thanksgiving so bad so I can have a few days off to eat and loll around. You just have no idea.

It's the end of the semester. It was a long and stressful semester. I took three classes and taught three classes. Never again people.

Here is a list of all the things that are getting on my nerves:

1. Canela is currently sticking her paw in her water dish and flinging it at me. On purpose.

2. The humidifier makes too much noise while I'm sleeping.

3. I have one more paper to write and I haven't read the book.

4. I have read more bad writing this semester than I have read in my entire life put together.

5. Speaking of bad writing, all my girlfriends are in love with "Twilight." I am not. I tried. I tried for them. I could not read this book. It was like bad undergrad creative writing class stories. And I can handle trashy, bad writing as long as it's juicy and suspenseful. "Twilight" was not. I'm going to give you my redneck book review of "Twilight." It's essentially about a whole lot of not fucking. The author is a mormon. It appears to me that she's translated her teenaged mormon angst into a vampire metaphor about not fucking.

6. True Blood is over next week. Speaking of more bad writing. I started reading the Charlaine Harris books which inspired the show. They are very badly written. Painfully so. However, they seem to know they are badly written and are campy, funny, strange and have lots of sex. So it works a little better for me. The show is also campy, mostly stupid, not as funny as the books, but full of hot men. Clearly this was a show written by a gay man as all the women are ugly and all the men are good gracious Lord, hot. This also works for me. It helps take my mind off of school.

7. I feel ugly. Every time I look at myself I think I am old and ugly. I'm hoping this is a phase and that I will get better looking soon.

8. My students are as stressed out as I am and I think some of them are acting out. Lately I've noticed a general trend toward students not using their words for the highest good. They're writing a lot of mean, violent and/ or immature things and I've never seen this before so it's making me curious as to what's going on with them. It's also getting on my nerves.

9. Classes until ten. I hate this.

10. Facebook. This is all my friend JDogg's fault. He was like a drug pusher who gives you a little for free to get you hooked so then you spend all your life savings. He let me use his account one night to see if I liked it and now I'm spending all my time chatting with some kid who rode my bus in third grade. On the positive side I was surprised at how many people from all the different schools I attended, actually remembered me and cared what I was doing as an adult. I also refound my childhood best friend who I used to play Breyer horses with and we're going to meet over Christmas, so ultimately this was a positive thing and all the Millpond people I went to elementary school with have been very helpful at digging up old memories to help me write more memoir stories about. This is good. Not good - I was already unfriended because apparently middle school drama doesn't end when people are nearly 40. I also learned that my old friend A, who I wrote about over the summer, was extremely upset that I joined and that we have a mutual friend and she has no desire to ever patch things up with me. As I've reflected more on this, I've also concluded that perhaps I was too hard on myself in that piece and that she should share some responsibility too. Still, it got on my nerves. Also not good - the updating status thing. I am really boring. You would not believe how uninteresting I am. I must never join Twitter because I never do anything witty or interesting and I can't think of ironic one liners to say I'm doing. Mainly I just read or grade papers or write or clean the house. And why the hell would anyone care what I'm doing anyway?

I have more, but I have to go to school until ten again. I am so over this readers.


Emily said...

I agree; terrible writing is only good when it's trashy, campy fun, not when it's thinly-veiled abstinence propaganda.

Amy said...

I have a total love/hate relationship with Facebook, too. I think it's so great and look at all the games! And Lil Green Patches! And save the ocean activities! And pictures and statuses and notifications!

But also I HATE IT.

vic said...

You're going to hate this.
You have a house to clean and a wonderful husband to share it with. You have a job you usually love and the intelligence and general wherewithal to do it while attending school yourself. You are an excellent and talented writer. By this time next week, things will have hit holiday mode. Then you'll have several days to decompress.
Also, you're not even close to old or unattractive. It's a matter of perspective.
Think pie.

Wide Lawns said...

Ohh I know, I know. I'm thinking pie and ice cream.

Miss Kitty said...

OMG, your redneck book review is HILARIOUS! Love it! That sounds like one of my mom's book reviews--I gave her a few of "the classics" to read, and she gave them her own hilarious summaries.

And classes 'til 10 really DO suck. Two summers ago, I was offered a schedule at Small Military College that included a 7am class FOUR DAYS A WEEK, and a 8:30pm-10:30pm class FOUR DAYS A WEEK. I said "no thanks." BLEH!

My word verification is "cetricat." Huh?

NeekoalinAZ said...

Canela is simply flicking the water at you to snap you out of it. Clearly she is brilliant and you just were spending too much time in the cat box. She knows and now so do you.

Chiada said...

I'm sorry to hear you're having an off day. It sucks when grown people can be so elementary and immature, doesn't it? (regarding the facebook person who unfriended you)

Not knowing what you look like, I can't comment on physical looks. But from your writing, you are a beautiful person on the inside, full of humor, wit, intelligence, with a soft side too.

I'm looking forward to reading hopefully upcoming posts regarding nasty-a**ed holiday food. :)

Take a deep breath: the semester is almost over. Once it is, treat yourself to something you've been wanting, or a massage, maybe a pair of shoes. Oh, I know what! Take something that represents this semester and fling it out into the ocean (like you did with your old shoes long ago). Maybe you'll feel better.


Anonymous said...

Facebook = Timesuck.

No two ways about it.

Oh - and (poor you) teaching three classes...

Hello 12 contacts hours every semester, plus research, plus chair.... barking up the wrong tree there.

EvaMaRie said...

I joined twitter and haven't used it. I'm not sure I understand it. If I am doing something interesting, why would I immediately think to twitter it?
I don't have time for Facebook, the demanding nature of constantly updating is daunting.

Basically I think you are amazing that you have this crazy full life and still find time to entertain me. Thank you!

Jen said...

Ugh, the whole "Twilight" craze is horrid. And I agree the books are like dating as a teenager, all petting and no sex. You can read the first chapter and skip to the last and you haven't missed anything.

Anonymous said...

I'm really sorry you're having a crabby week. I'm sure it will pass. I've been reading your blog for at least two years now and you seem to be up more than down so hang in there.

I'm surprised to hear that you use humidifiers in Florida. I thought with all that humidity you wouldn't want to add more but what the hell do I know? I live in the desert where we high humidity is like 20%.

I surprised at your passion of hate toward Twilight. I'm not saying everyone has to love, or even like it but not everything has to be about sex. I love the Sookie Stackhouse books. All the hot werewolves, vampires, fairies, etc. Yummy!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm glad I'm not an English major because I can read things and enjoy them for their entertainment value without trying to evluate the writing and grade them. My sister does that with everything she reads and it really takes the fun out of a lot of wonderful books. I really want to beat the crap out her when she corrects my emails and sends them back to me.

Boomer said...

It'll be over soon. It'll be over soon. It'll be over soon. It'll be over soon.

Yes, and ice cream. Or pasta drenched in really good olive oil.

Laura said...

I just read the first book in the Twilight series because I thought I was missing something. I wasn't.

Mattie said...

I doubt very much that you are boring. Of all the blogs I read, this one is my favorite.

You have so much to say and you write impeccably well. Reading your blog is the highlight of my day (and now you're thinking how boring could * I * be to say that? LOL).

Seriously? All your life experiences are so a part of who you are and it shines through on your blog. Damn. This is not coming out right.

If I had an opportunity to chat face-to-face with 5 people at Thanksgiving, I'd pick:

Steven Spielberg
Bill Clinton
Maya Angelou

Green said...

It's not just you, you're not alone. I just read another blog post where the blogger listed all the shit that infuriates her.

I hope your rage passes soon. And I would be happy to be Facebook friends with you and would not unfriend you.

TK said...

How you feel about Twilight is how I feel about Harry Potter! I really really wanted to be able to read the series, but I flipped through the first book, and the writing was so amateurish that I couldn't bear it. The ideas and characters are fabulous, the presentation not so much. I cannot read badly written books to save my life. I believe I would re-read James Joyce for "fun" over Stuff like Twilight.

I want lyricism and intellect to be apparent in what I read, even the candy like the works of authors Joe Lansdale and Joe Hill, and of course Stephen King and Dean Koontz. And Preston/Childs. And Alice Hoffman's Practical Magic is delicious.

Has Canela's water source changed? Maybe she is signaling her distaste. Cats are really fussy about their water source, and as they are designed to get most of their liquid from prey, it's important that they drink water especially if they don't get much wet food.

Maybe it's because no one is getting as much sunlight that everyone is getting crabby. That and the general condition of the economy, everyone is discouraged and/or pissed off.

And I second Vic.

And Pie.

smoochygyrl said...

For campy, action, sex filled writing, try Laurell K. Hamilton's 'Merry Gentry" series. So much fun!! (and sex!)

sallyacious said...

I have been waffling about reading Twilight, and this entry has assured I will not open the book. Thank you. The bad writing concern was what first dampened my enthusiasm, but what killed it for sure and certain is the knowledge that it's all dramadramadrama with no release. Thank you, but no. If I want that, I can get it in real life.

kerry said...

I haven't gotten into the Twilight craze and since the whole Mormon thing came out, and it seems like it's really badly written anyway, I'm kind of glad. While it's true that everything doesn't need to be about sex, if they're going to start that road, finish it.

I hope you feel better soon. Don't we all get those days where we feel like we look horrible? I focus on a feature that I do like. Then another one. It's so much easier to see the faults, but really not all that productive.

Steph said...

I started laughing out loud about Canela and the water. I know you don't think it's funny right now, but I find it adorable.... One of my cats LOVES to knock glasses of water over for no apparent reason (she doesn't drink it, she just likes to watch it spill). Pisses me off, but I secretly find it endearing.

About Twitter....I totally don't get it. At all.

JDogg said...

Now that is not fair, It's a non-intrusive way to find all the old friends that have lost touch, when you are our age. When you are in college it is a way to mass communicate.

That being said, you can use Twitter to update your Facebook status. I'll send you an email to show you how. It's really easy and you'll like it. Just try it this once.

dharkfire9 said...

Yeah, I feel like my credentials as an English major should be revoked for reading not only Twilight, but the other three books in the series. What can I say, I'm into completeing things, which is also why I'm still watching ER, even though that ship sailed years ago! I'm also wondering at fate, given that something so craptastically written can become such a widespread phenomenon while new GOOD authors go basically unnoticed...

Full disclosure: I also read the equally horrendous partial draft of Midnight Sun, which was going to be Twilight written from the vampire's perspective. Huh???

Anonymous said...

Regarding No. 8 on your list: I've noticed a general feeling of nastiness lately myself. I seem to be running into a lot of meanness. I think it's the economy.


Ksir said...

I know what you mean about Twilight. I go to an all-girls high school, so those books are everywhere, and I have developed this bizarre, horrible power to recognize the cover art from absurd distances. I wanted to be a superhero when I was little, but... not like this. Oh god, not like this.

I think I drew the line with this series when Edward ate one of Bella's tears. That is one of my most hated romantic themes, and it is far more prevalent than it should be. Why do people think that is romantic? Why?! "Oh no, you're crying, just let me... HOM NOM NOM." "Ohhh Edward!"

Not tellin' you my name ... said...

Bwahahahah! Oh lordy. I have a loathe/hate/can't stop reading/watching relationship with the Twilight series and with the Stackhouse conglomerate.

I think you might enjoy this blog, where she (as a reformed Mormon) makes fun of Twilight. And Stackhouse.

Both are train wrecks. And I can't take my eyes off of them.

Anonymous said...

I miss classes until ten pm---but then you know I don't usually sleep until 2am or later.

It's cold here in Illinois. I mean holy-bitchcakes cold too early in the season. My house is still full of unpacked boxes. I don't have internet yet and we've already been here for almost three weeks. (I'm at my friend's house using her laptop.)

You are not ugly---you are pretty and fabulous. Your hair is always shiny and reminds me of my favorite color of calligraphy ink wet on a page.

I'll send you email whenever we finally get hooked up.



Dan from Iowa & Delaware said...

Hi, I'm sorry it's been a while, but I landed on "wildly crabby," and wanted to add my 2c.

Taking & teaching three classes? Whoa. When I was in grad school, I did the same my first semester. Yeah, you totally are allowed a crabby coupon with your smart-shopper rewards card.

And, I found remarkable and funny your cat flinging water at you.

Janitoir Jean said...

I am not crazy about the Sookie Stackhouse books... but if you can lay your hands on the first "Lily Bard" mystery SHAKESPEARE'S LANDLORD, you may be happily surprised.

Charlaine Harris can really write...

Anonymous said...

There's a saying my mum used to have about anything finite being bearable. This too shall pass.

I kind of empathise with A, in a strange way. If it was such an important relationship that left her feeling so burned, then being reminded of that failure would be very confronting. I've had people try to contact me that were never anything but vicious and it upsets me to be tracked down by them, as the cycle could potentially restart. She doesn't know you've changed, although she probably knows your life has improved. For her this could mean the reopening of a part of her life with hurts that she's not ready to forgive yet, on both sides.

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