Wednesday, October 15, 2008

What Happened to My Sister - Part 8

Brad has been reading this story. I think he doesn't realize that I can see him or his IP address or how many times he visits or how long he stays. I don't mind that he reads because I am only telling the truth. Perhaps he gets off on the attention, no matter how negative it is. Maybe he really loved my sister in his own perverse way and is reading for updates on how she's doing. I'm not writing this story to bring attention to him though. I said that in the beginning. I'm writing it so that maybe some of you can learn from it and I'm writing it in a way to bring closure to it. By writing it I'm ending the story for myself. What my sister suffered was unspeakable, but she wasn't the only one who suffered. My mother did. I did. My husband did. It's unbearably painful to watch a loved one be abused. So Brad, you didn't just hurt her. You hurt our entire family with your actions because we love her and want the best for her. We wanted your lies to be true as much as she did because we knew that's what would make her happy. You broke our hearts too and you should realize that when you steal from someone and use someone and destroy someone's trust as you did to my sister, you do the same thing to all the people who truly love and care about her. You know, "Brad", about my health issues. I told you intimate details about my illness and I want you to know that because of the stress you put our family through that you caused me to have a severe flare up that I am still suffering through. So think about that too. The stress that you caused us, harmed me physically. You may as well have just punched me in the face.

But on with the fucking story.

Brad was running through traffic. We called 911 from our car, but Brad started running for the police station. I'd like to say that we ran him over, but we didn't of course. We did follow him to the police station where Sister turned him in. Luckily it was the tiny, Island police station where there are only about five cops and they all knew the whole situation already. They detained Brad while Sister, Husband and I waited. It was the hottest day and we were outside most of the time. I thought I was going to have a heat stroke. Sister was just numb. It was scary to see her like that - humiliated, beat down, broken.

"I was on to you the entire time," I said to Brad, but as I didn't want to get arrested myself I controlled my temper.

"Don't even," Sister said, "He's not worth it."

Brad spent a long time on his cell phone. We had to wait for the detective to arrive and she was at a kid's birthday party or something.

Finally he was arrested and we left. Sister stayed and I'm not clear on the details. I think they showed her the video tape and there his ass was, using her card that he had stolen out of her purse when she never suspected it. She had to go to work.

Sister worked for two days at the Bubblegum Kittikat and left because Harold, the old man, came in and begged her not to work there. He cried at having to see her like that and he lent her money so that she could pay her bills without having to work at a strip club where she was clearly ashamed and unhappy. After that she scored a better job at an Italian restaurant.

Brad was taken to jail. His parents, I assume, bailed him out and we confirmed a few days later that he was back home with them up North. A round of phone calls followed. His mother begged Sister to drop the charges and offered to pay her back. We confirmed lie after lie after lie and no one could understand what on earth had happened. HIs family swore he had been normal until he met my sister. I don't believe this. I am guessing that he has a really nice family who can't conceive of their son committing such monstrosities. They seemed to me to be in denial and they seemed like they may have been enabling Brad his whole life.

The thing is, Brad lied when there was no reason to lie. Nothing he did made much sense and he didn't get a fortune of money from my sister. She was a student and a bartender for God's sakes. Brad even lied when he knew he would obviously be caught. He said his brother would explain everything, but his brother told the truth. Surely he must have known his brother would expose him, right? None of it has any logic.

I try to approach this with compassion but it's hard and I'm no Dalai Lama. Most of the time I call Brad names and feel nothing but disgust, anger and contempt. The best version of me though, says that Brad was mentally ill. Perhaps he had addiction issues. Maybe he had made some mistakes and felt badly about himself. Maybe he started with a little lie and it felt good and he kept on until he couldn't stop, getting higher and higher off his own lies. Maybe down here he felt like he could escape, like he could be anybody, a big shot, someone who mattered, when back home he was a 33 year old loser living with his parents with no future, no education, no job and no accomplishments to be proud of. The sad part is, my sister didn't need any of that. If he had come to her with honesty, to all of us really, and said that he had made some mistakes in the past and wanted to just start fresh down here, from scratch and make a new life for himself, we all would have totally understood and been fine with it. The worst part is, he didn't need to lie to us. It seems like most of all he needed to lie to himself.

Soon, the case was settled. I won't get into the details. I don't necessarily agree with what happened, but in the end Sister got her money back. Brad is free and living at home with his parents. I hope he got a job and is getting therapy so that he too can get his life back on track and maybe one day he can become the person he lied about being.

Sister got a new apartment that is nicer than her last one and cheaper. She has two new jobs now and is doing well. Last week a hot guy took her on a motorcycle ride and she has several dates lined up. She works with a smoking bartender from New Zealand too, so her possibilities are endless. She looks beautiful, has a new haircut and is set to graduate in December. After, she wants to go to the police academy because she has decided that she wants to be a detective like the one who handled her case. So maybe something good will come out of this whole thing.

Best of all, she found a new home for that stinking, damned guinea pig Brad "gave" her for her birthday.


sqd said...

Well I'm glad you finally finished the story! I've been checking somewhat obsessively. I think we have all had a version of "brad" to some degree at some point or another in our lives. If the brads don't always take our money, they certainly take our trust, love, kindness, and anything else we have to offer. I think these people do not always intend to be so malicious, merely that they use others for their own comfort and convenience without thinking of the hurt, anger, and bitterness they leave in their wake. Maybe they somehow justify or rationalize it all in their heads because they too have been hurt by other brads and in some way feel that they deserve to have the things they take, that it is "their turn". Or maybe they are just careless and selfish assholes. Brad, if you are reading this I hope that you have at least learned something. You may not like what you read on this blog, no doubt you had a much different perspective on things and feel that you have been painted in an unneccesarily bad light. I hope that you will see the things you did wrong and the opportunity for a great and much different story to take place that you missed. I hope that you will learn to be honest with yourself and others in the future, because no matter how good you are at lying, you will always be found out in the end. I hope you learn that whatever temporary personal satisfaction you may get from using others is not worth the eventual and exponential blowback you will receive when they tire of it. I hope you learn to treat women better If you really are interested in finding love. A good woman will love who you really are, not who you pretend/want to be.

Sorry for the horrendously long comment SW, this tale touched a nerve that I almost forgot I had. Keep up the great writing, your blog is one of my very favorites and I visit it a few times a day. (Not a stalker, I swear)

Jess said...

Wow! What a roller coaster ride! I'm happy she got her money back and that she is now doing well.

Robin in Ohio said...

Wow!! I'm glad Sister survived all this. May the rest of her life be better and I hope she finds the happiness she's looking for (and deserves)!

Last Minute Lyn said...

glad it all ended happily for Sister anyway..wish more harm came to Brad tho

Anonymous said...

Your writing was detailed and instructive. Thank you for sharing this story. I hope it will help someone else before they get hurt.

I'm glad Sister got her money back and now has a bright future ahead. I hope all her dreams come true, and sooner rather than later!

Aleta said...

I'm glad Sister got her money back. I'm glad that Brad was arrested, but to think that he's out there (and reading your blog) - that just makes me ill. He's a creep and an abuser. I have worse words that come to mind, but I won't go there.

It's good that you got this out of your system ~ not just for you, but for Sister and for your family. Kudos to her for moving on and doing better in life.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad your sister got her money back, but I have to know, what about your jewlry box??? (I know, small potatoes, really)

Why does it seem that scumbags like that only gets their hands slapped and told not to do that again? It doesn't seem fair, but I do believe that what comes around goes around. Someday, Brad will get his.

Sarah said...

Thank god it had a happy ending in that your sister at least got her money back! Thanks for telling her story, its been so interesting to hear and reminds me of so many creeps out there that have affected mine and friends of mines lives.

Heather said...

Your sister is lucky to have such a caring family supporting her. Many lessons were learned during this sad episode, but I hope one of the ones she can take away is that there are people surrounding her that truly love her no matter what.

*Sorry to hear you had a flare-up, btw*

Heather said...

PS Brad will never change. He is a sociopath:

Don't waste your pity on him, he wouldn't understand it and in fact sees it as a point of weakness.

Anonymous said...

There are psychopaths and narccistic people who are damaged and unable to tell the truth. Some of them rape, maim, murder, steal and get away with it because they are supported by their mothers who blame everyone for their "babies" problems.
The fact that his own brother told the truth, and no one really listened isn't too much of a surprise. Who wants to believe that the monsters we have around us are really capable of being such sweet nice guys who are so misunderstood. Watch Desperate Housewives and see the new monster that is Edies husband. Except they'll give a reason for his abuse. A lot of people have things happen to them, not all turn into monsters. I still go with trusting your gut feeling. If you physically feel it in your gut that something is wrong, get away. Thanks for sharing your families painful experience. Maybe someone will see and get away with only a minor loss and not have their hearts ripped out.

TK said...

A great story and a terrific tale of what to watch for, and how easy it is moment to moment to trust someone and take them at their word when one hasn't yet learned how pervasive bad behavior in human beings really is. Also how much the repercussions reverberate through family ties and friends. No one is ever the same. I think it makes us stronger in some ways, but at a price to go through shit like this. man's inhumanity to man will never go away, and this could have been so much worse.
I am SO glad your sister got her money back! She learned an extremely valuable lesson at a young age, and she is lucky that she wasn't physically hurt as well.

Via my "brad" I lost something like 125 grand; basically my retirement, my house and my career and my pets and a lot of personal family heirlooms, and antiques and collectibles to a self proclaimed "best friend" and "business partner" who was a pretty good poser, a hellacious liar, and a total con artist. The loony should have been put in jail for 20 years as there were something like 7 felonies (multiple counts on each) committed against me, but the police won't do anything without proof (I had enough on my own, but they would have needed more) and this person was a serial stalker and pretty practiced at it. It took me too long to figure out the level of cunning and the outright maliciousness being brought to bear to be able to react effectively soon enough. She was being investigated in Texas so ran to Cali and it was my bad luck to be a "friend" that took her in and believed all the victim stories, then she ran back to Texas several years later after harrassing and then stalking me and vandalizing and stealing my property (because I said she needed to start earning her own way and pay me back what she owed me), and then stalking others. Someone famous with plenty of money and good detectives couldn't nail this cunt, and I had no money to go to court about the stolen items and money owed, and the cops threatened to arrest her but told me to get a restraining order, which since she threatened to kill me, I decided no, I didn't want it stuck to my back with a knife. I did however buy a 9mm with night sights and slept with it under my pillow, and I was willing to use it in self defense.

Drama drama drama, like all the brads this person is mentally ill and could not live without drama, that was the means of manipulation, to keep stirring the pot. And no, you can't reason with irrational people, it just doesn't work, and they never learn anything except how to be even sneakier!

And yes, this kind of crap happens all the time and on lots of levels. So I don't trust anyone much any more.

sqd pretty much nailed it, these people are pathetic losers and users who have inflated egos and feel entitled and have no conscience. The true narcissists are the ones who are a lot smoother than the brads. The bitch who cost me a lot of the good in my life is now, get this, working at UTMB, and is also a "lay practitioner" for her catholic church, so she has all this self important access to people who are sick and weak, and I shudder to think how many of them will be losing money and personal possessions, because this psycho also stole from my friends and family, and people she worked with. Shoulda been a politician!

The only good bit of karma is that she lives in Galveston and her house may have been (I hope) damaged and horrors! VANDALIZED...

I feel sorry for every OTHER person there, however.

Jean said...

My version of Brad was a co-worker.... who embezzled 285K from the bank we worked at. She stole from the vault, from teller cash cans (and covered it up so no one got fired) and from a customer who owned a business run by teenagers who screwed up all the deposits all the time.

And when she was caught, she went home and killed herself.

I feel angry and sad -- which I suppose is typical. My version of Brad was a very troubled sad woman who had no self worth whatsoever, and felt she had no option for friends except to buy our love and friendship.

Yep -- most of the money she spent on her husband for trips, and on their wedding which was a HUGE affair! But a large portion she spent on us -- after work drinks and appetizers, parties -- she actually threw one of the girls a wedding. In Reno. Paid for the wedding in a chapel, the flowers and the rooms....

She just desperately wanted people to like her, and she thought this was the only way.

That's the sad part... I always felt she killed herself because she couldn't ever face us again. We'd know the truth. We'd know her father wasn't wealthy. And her husband didn't win money racing cars.

Her husband and father would know whatever lies she told them wasn't true.

The angry part is how in her deception she did set us up to hate each other rather well. We had factions of people in the office. We all worked together well, but we definitely didn't get along.

Hilary said...

I'm glad that your sister was reimbursed and is now doing well - though it sounds like consequences eluded Brad.

How much harm did he do to dear Harold in the end? Minimal, I hope?

KT said...

Wow -- I've been following this whole story breathlessly, and I am so glad that even though the whole thing was a terrible experience that 1) your sister overcame it and is not letting it ruin her whole life, and 2) you managed to turn it into a really wonderfully-written story that could prevent this from happening to someone else in the future.

Thanks so much for sharing -- it couldn't have been easy for either you or your sister to revisit this :\

Mattie said...

I can't believe that he's not in jail.

I'm sure your sister will be a lot more guarded with her future relationships with men. As well as she should be.

It sounds like she's a lot wiser now and maybe she'll trust you more when you try to delicately tell her that the guy she's dating is a loser with a capital L.

Great story. Thanks for taking all that time to write it.

Anonymous said...

Can we say Narcissistic Personality Disorder? We had a couple in our church JUST like this person. They stole thousands of dollars from members, stole things from the church and always said that they had a large inheritance coming their way, but it was always hung up in litigation. I am glad your sister came out on the other side wiser and better.

traca said...

My husband and I call people like Brad our "stupid people." The ones you go stupid for. I have had mine, husband has had his and it seems like you all had yours. My stupid person left me pregnant and alone in a city where I knew no one. Husband's stupid person landed him in jail for domestic violence when she hit him and he sat outside waiting for the police. In our old town both parties get booked no matter what. Your stupid person took your house and sister's took her money. All of them take our pride and dignity until we find our brains again and walk away. Everyone has a stupid person, just consider us fortunate to have survived ours.

Stephanie / Yukaeshi said...

Hey, I own a guinea pig and he's the loveliest little thing ever! :( Although I am glad she has found a home for it though and not just abandoned it.

I'm a Psychology student, and I'm pretty sure "Brad" suffers from Munchausen's- a disorder in which the person constantly needs attention and needs to validate him/herself with lies. A person with Munchausen's will spin lie after lie to make him/herself look good and so that people will like him/her and look up to him/her in general. The reason why he can make up such an atrocious lie about having punched a kid and all that is simply because he wants people to "sympathise" with him- something like what we call a "reformed hero"- he used to be bad but now he's good and makes him look more believable in a sense.

I'm sorry to say but people with Munchausen's generally are insecure people, who, from a Freudian perspective, just didn't get enough attention from their parents and need to seek it elsewhere. To put it simply (but rudely), perhaps his mother didn't breastfeed him enough :x

Glad to hear that all ended lovely for your sister though! A very nice story :)

Kristina said...

Great story!!! Off topic-- you've probably seen this already but just in case:

I think you'll enjoy it.

Anonymous said...

Loved the tale, but sorry it actually happened.
I'm left wondering what happened to Harold? Was he also a victim?
Thanks for your great writing! I check in every day and love it when there is something new. Keep it up!

Wide Lawns said...

To all who were wondering about Harold - he's great. I don't think Brad got a lot from him, but I'm not sure. I think though that he was in the initial phases of setting him up and hadn't gotten to the bank accounts and check cards just yet. Luckily he was caught in time. Harold went away for the summer and just got back and as far as I know he's doing very well.

just a kat said...

I, like the others, am glad your sister is doing well, that the guinea pig found a home, and that Harold didnt get taken for much (if anything). Unfortunately, she (and all of you) learned a very painful lesson. I know she will be just fine and is ready to blossom!

Sad to say "Brad" is still out, probably waiting for the next opportunity to come his way.

Thanks for sharing this with us! Your posts are always entertaining!

the Bag Lady said...

You did a terrific job of sharing your sisters' story with us - thanks! I hope that someone out there reading it will learn from it, and be saved the heart-break of going through something similar.

The only part of the story that dissatisfied me was that Brad wasn't punished. He will learn from this experience, and be better at the 'con' next time around. People like Brad do not change, but they do learn from their mistakes.

Sauntering Soul said...

I'm so happy to hear your sister came through this, got her money back and that it sounds like she has a lot of positive stuff to look forward to. I'm glad she had a loving and supportive family to help her through all of this.

I just wish we didn't have to sometimes be out of a situation or relationship before we can see it for what it really is (I speak from much experience).

Anonymous said...

I was really hoping for a more dramatic ending. Let's pretend Brad was eaten by alligators!

BohoPoetGirl said...

I'm glad sister is doing better, and that the story has a somewhat happy ending. I cried a bit again, but over all the love there is in your family. It's nice to see people care about each other like that, and Harold too I would include in that.

NeekoalinAZ said...

Congratulations to sister!

And Brad, I hope you have gotten the help you so desperately need.

and Wide Lawns...I love you girl.

Anonymous said...

I've been catching up on this blog, read all the archives... but how do you know he reads it? I don't have a blog so I don't know how this works, but do you really have his IP address memorized? or does it show registered user name as well?

Kerry said...

Yowza. I'm glad Harold didn't lose much. Your sister is so lucky to have such a supportive loving family! I know you write how your family is crazy, but it seems all the right things are in place- you love and support each other. Crazy can be managed, but a family without love? Ewww.

I certainly hope good things come to your sister and your family. You seem like good people.

To the Brads out there- get your own life.

Whiskeymarie said...

This was a terrible (in the "oh my GOD" sense), but fantastically engaging story- thanks for sharing, toots.

I have come dangerously close to a "Brad" or two in my time- I'm so very, very lucky to have avoided the mess your sister found herself (and your family) in.

sha said...

Holy Wow! That was one hell of a story. I wanted to let you know my thoughts when you were finally finished.
I haven't had anything like this happen to me, but I have had close friends who have. I really understand how stressful it is just be someone who is a bystander, watching it all unfold.
You are such an amazing writer and I hope other who read this are able to learn from it.

Miss Kitty said...

Brad, if you're reading this: You are a dickless buttfucker, and I will help Wide Lawns kick your ass if you ever show your face in Florida again.

Ambitious Blonde said...

I'm so glad to see your sister came through all the crap and is now doing well. Sometimes life lessons can be terribly expensive, financially and emotionally.

Also, motorcycle rides from hot boys really are great for the ego. :)

Emily said...

I'm pretty impressed that you can try to put yourself in his shoes even a little bit and think about WHY he's done so many evil things. I wouldn't be able to do that.

It's probably true, though, that if he's THAT screwed up something incredibly screwed up could have happened to him too.

Yerba Buena said...

My jaw hit my chest somewhere around Part Four and has only just now returned to where it belongs. Holy fucking shit. I'm so glad your sister got through this, but there's no way she could have without you and the rest of your family.

Brad, if you're reading this, you are not going to anything remotely resembling Heaven when you finally give up the ghost. Hell was designed for people like you.

Amy said...

I had my own Brad. He stole $300 from my aunt (stole her debit card off the kitchen table) and stole my last $20 that I was going to use for gas and cigarettes when I was a poor desperately broke student. I should have known something was up when I found out his parents (who he lived with, natch) kept their bedroom door locked at all times.

As things were coming to an end, I went to visit him at the grocery store where he worked one day. He wasn't there. His coworker seemed shocked to see me and said, "So, he hasn't been in the hospital for two weeks??" Yeah, he'd been lying to his job and me for two weeks. He had even been coming over to see me after his "shifts" wearing his uniform - how fucked up is that?

Of course, even after he got caught in the lie, he NEVER EVER would admit it. On some level, I feel sorry for him, but on another level I really wish he would get caught and go to jail one day to learn a lesson.

Corrinne said...

I know this is an old post, but I couldn't help it! I have seen many "Brads" in my short life (24), but it was never first hand. My father runs his own business and his book keeper (I still say book keeper... lol Maybe it is a New England thing? I live in New Hampshire)stole over $60,000 from him over the course of a few years. They dated for many years but had been broken up for about 5 when he found her out this past spring.

She had been paying all her bills out of the company checking accout and labeled the payments as something legit, like tax payments when it actually went to her cell phone bill, etc. She also ran up 10k on a credit card in my dads SSN, but with her name.

What happened? Nothing basically. The police said they couldn't prove there was "criminal intent" uuhm. okay. She hid past due bills, made fake checks to make it look like she was paying bills... etc. Oh well. He is getting a heft lien on property she owns. She is a mess now so I guess that is Karma.

WL- I LOVE your blog =) Got here from Violent Acres and have been reading your archive. Keep it up!

About Me

Blog Archive