Thursday, October 09, 2008

What Happened to My Sister - Part 4

When sister arrived home a week later I was so relieved that she wasn't dead that I nearly killed her myself. I was livid. I couldn't believe she had done something so stupid and so reckless and could not, for the life of her, see that what she had done was a very bad idea.

For the record, and I shouldn't have to tell you this, whenever you go on a trip you should leave all important information like flights, hotels and oh, I don't know, CORRECT DESTINATIONS, with your family members. When you travel you should purchase a calling card just in case. You should find phone numbers of the places you're staying and you should call your family to let them know you arrived safely even if it's for less than 30 seconds.

If you want to surprise someone with a trip that's ok, but tell their family you're whisking them away and then give them all pertinent information.

I believe strongly that Brad did this on purpose. I think he did it as a passive aggressive act of defiance and God knows what my sister told him about how awful and oppressive and bossy our family was already. I also think that his constant plan changing was an assertion of control. By keeping my sister confused he was controlling and manipulating her. He was taking away her choice of where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do. I would have been furious if someone made me think I was going to Asia and then when we got to the airport I found out we were going to Honduras and then - No, wait a minute, we're going to Mexico actually. It is so sick and twisted that I can't believe she did it. Except I can believe it because she did. I think she went along with it because he took her power of choice away. Because he simply showed up at 2am and they took a cab to the airport and he had the tickets and there they were. She felt like she had no choice. Like he would be upset if she said she wasn't going. He paid for the tickets. She should be spontaneous and up for anything right? He might think she was an idiot or neurotic like her sister if she refused to go. So she went. I wonder how many girls went through the same line of thinking and ended up dead.

But she didn't end up dead. They went to a resort in Mexico for almost a week and had a good time. Except when they got to the rental car office he couldn't believe he did this, but he left his license at home, so, could she get the rental car? And some money he had wired hadn't made it to his account yet, so could she pay for the resort and activities? He'd pay her back as soon as they got back to the States. But they had a good time.

When they got back they had Hell to pay from the family for this. I lit into both of them and so did my parents.

Brad stayed here forever. It was the same story of course. He worked from here, then he had to go back for a meeting, then the meeting was canceled. One time my sister called me from the car, on the way to the airport. Later that night she called me again to tell me that Brad had made her turn the car around, that he couldn't leave. I think in some way she must have liked this. Maybe he made her feel like she was so special to him that he couldn't leave her side, that he was so in love with her that he could rearrange his life and career for her. I don't know, but what I do know is that his constantly changing plans became both a huge joke with our family and a source of continuing suspicion. How could this guy, who claimed to have this big job, take so much time off? It just doesn't work like that and I kept asking her and kept pestering her and she just kept saying that it was because he owned the company.

Except I know plenty of people who own companies and parts of companies and you know what, they have to work even harder. It's more work, not less.

Then Brad disappeared. He really did have to go on a big business trip to Asia. But first he was going to San Francisco, then he was going to Oregon, Washington and Vancouver. Then he was flying to the Phillippines and then on to Malaysia. He would be gone for three weeks or so.

I didn't buy it. Sister, of course did. And I really hope I'm not making my sister look like too much of a dumb ass here. I don't think she's stupid. I think she knew all along, but didn't want to know. She wanted to create her own reality because she was lonely and wanted more than anything in the world, a great guy who had so much going for him, who owned houses and had a good career and who would travel the world with her. We all want that. I can't blame her for wanting a good guy. The problem was that she wanted it so much that she lost her good sense in order to believe it. In a way, she conned herself just as much as Brad conned her.

Brad called from Asia. Supposedly he had an international cell phone. Something was eating at my gut though. I didn't believe this SOB was anywhere. I don't know why. I just had a feeling that wouldn't go away.

Husband has this friend who really does travel the world. He's into extreme mountain climbing, but that's another story. This friend, who is a reader (HI!!), has a real international cell phone and sometimes when Husband calls him on it and he's in another country, it rings differently. It kind of double rings and beeps. That's how we know when the friend is away. So I asked sister about this, if Brad's phone did the same thing. She didn't know because he had said not to call him. He could only call her. He was so busy.

Three weeks later Brad came back from his lengthy sojourn around "Asia" and the Pacific Northwest (of his own ass). Guess what he did? Yeah. He showed up on her doorstep again. Did he have presents from Asia? Nope. He was too busy working.

I decided to bone up on all the places he went. I discovered that while he was supposedly in the Phillippines there had been a typhoon. Remember when the ferry sank last Spring? This is when it was.

The next time I saw Brad I grilled him like a prosecutor. I should have gone to law school, I swear. I asked him about everything - the weather, what he ate, the language, did he have pictures (he forgot the camera), who did he meet with, what kind of wood he was importing. I asked him everything. All he could give were vague, evasive answers and I think he caught on to what I was doing and got the hell away from me. He knew that I was on to him all along and he tried to keep my sister away from me as much as possible. The sad thing is that she thought I was being a bitch.

I decided to conduct a little background search on this asshole. I had to pay for it, but it wasn't a big deal. I discovered that he owned zero homes. The house he lived in was owned by his mother and had been for years. He had, in fact, never owned property. He also had been arrested several times, although in all fairness some of them may have been traffic citations. I'm not sure because the report wasn't very detailed. Others were more serious. There were several court appearances, some missed.

I decided to sit on the information for a while because my relationship with my sister was getting strained.

Her birthday came. He bought her a guinea pig. This is a terrible gift. His birthday was the same week and she took him skydiving. My parents took us all out to a fancy dinner because it was Husband's birthday too. Sister and Husband have the same birthday.

Sister worked on her actual birthday. It was always a big tip day for her because her entourage of regulars knew it was her birthday and her shift turned into one huge celebration where they threw money at her. The year before she had made almost a thousand dollars. Her tip jar was overflowing. Brad was buying her shot after shot. When she finally finished work around four in the morning, she went to count up her tips and discovered that most of her tip money was gone. Someone had stolen it when she wasn't looking.

More tomorrow...


Caffeinated Chum said...

Ugh, that asshole stole her money, didn't he? Wait, I think I already know the answer to that.

Lauren said...

Oh man your poor sister... I wish i could just reach back into the past and show her the light somehow...

sqd said...

oh HELL no! you dont steal a girls tip money!

SW, i hope you whipped his ass into next year at the end of this saga.

Emily said...

About the part where you worry that you're making your sister sound stupid . . . I don't think you are.

Sure, she did some stupid things, but I think it's more about the fact that smart women can make horribly bad decisions when it comes to men.

I've been where you were on the strained relationship front; it's almost impossible to tell a woman who's in love anything bad about the person she's in love with without you being the bad guy.

DiaryofWhy said...

Ack, this is making me SO ANGRY!! And I don't even know your sister! I can't imagine how she must have felt when she found out, or how she managed to go back to life as normal, because THE ANGER! Gah!!

Jess said...

This had to be so hard for you to watch unfold and have it create a strained relationship with your sister! Good for you for being an awesome sister and checking into his background.

Mattie said...

Love is blind. Infatuation makes us blind, deaf, and oblivious to red flags.

This is NOT a reflection on your sister at all.

We've all been there in one degree or another. Trust me.

Miss Kitty said...

Holy. fucking. SHIT. Just when I think the story can't get any worse, it does. And this might sound callous, but I feel better knowing that someone out there has had shittier luck with relatioships than I have. God, the poor woman.

By the way--I have one blooper in the latest Student Essay Insanity that's JUST for you, WL. :-) Check out E&P.

Eva said...

Help! I've lost count of the red flags!

Green said...

Not that your sister will ever let this happen again, but if it does, and it's at the point where the background check you've done shows missed court appearances? When you miss a court appearance a warrant is usually issued for your arrest. The court sure would appreciate it if you called and told them where he is....

NeekoalinAZ said...

That bastard took her birthday money! UGH!

Its my birthday today, and I woke up to a card full of cash from my adorable fantastic husband. Oh and my friends are taking me to Laughlin!

I'm SO glad your sister broke loose of this FREAK SHOW!

Fancy Schmancy said...

I seriously want to open a can of whoop-ass on this guy. Why didn't you show her the background check immediately? Surely she must have realized something was up when he didn't pay her back for the Mexico trip, right?

Chris (dippy chick) said...

Wow, I can't wait to hear the rest of this. I feel so bad for your sister. It's an awful lesson to learn. I hope she can get past it.

Anonymous said...

what a putz this guy is! can we go kick his a$$?

hoosierdad said...

I think if she were my sister I would have held an intervention and told her straight out what you thought. If this guy had been a murderous creepo rather than just your run of the mill con man creepo she could have really been hurt, and not just used.

Nora said...

Ever so hooked on your blog. Just found you through the Hobo Stripper and I can't believe it took me so long to find my new obsession.

Isn't it just a crying shame when oxytocin makes us think think the rational people who love us the most are our enemies? Stupid chemical bath.

Can't wait for the next installment.

Dayna said...

IMHO, Brad was not jetting anywhere, he was down the street and around the corner with his other Girlfriend. That is why the phone calls didn't have 2 rings and beeps(had she called).
He always showed up on the doorstep in the middle of the night, after the other women went to sleep or threw him out.

I am just speculating not trying to give a spoiler.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I gave you an "award". Please check out my last post.

onthegomom said...

OMG...this is such an awful story (not your writing of course, what your sister had to go through). However, I have to say... I still haven't gotten over the poo part. I mean really, who the hell does that?!?!?

Mommy said...

You should of told us about it while it was happening and all your readers could of beat some sense into him. Or something like that

Anonymous said...

I am on the edge of my seat!!!

hoosierdad said...

So come on already with part 5.

Also, we all expect a recap of the umpteen "red flags" and why those weren't enough to put little sister in a full nelson until she saw the light.

It's called 'tough love', Google it.

Heather said...

What did you use to do the background check?

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