Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I'm suffering from some serious fatigue and aggravation right now. I'm just going to be honest with y'all about this. I have been running around like some kind of maniac trying to get stuff done. Taking three classes and teaching three classes at the same time is not helping the situation. Most nights I get home after ten. I also have several assignments due and feel like my writing has been sucking.

So this past weekend I went to Millpond to see my family. Recently I came into a large amount of unexpected money, which is something that always seems to happen to me. I'm lucky like that. When I got the money I decided that the best use of part of it would be to go visit my grandmother who has been depressed since my grandfather died last June. I'm really glad I did this. Bella and I stayed with my grandmother all weekend and kept her company. We visited a pumpkin patch and ate cider doughnuts and made Halloween decorations and it was generally a perfect weekend. Except for Barack Obama. My grandmother really, really hates Barack Obama and he kept weaseling his way into every conversation and I have to tell you, it was starting to get on my last nerve. I was not there to discuss politics.

While in Millpond I got filled in on all the family gossip, which there always is. One of my cousins is getting a divorce after finding out that the whole time she was married her husband had an entire other family. Can you imagine? This one deserves its own post like my sister's story. I swear. It is just as bad.

My Uncle Bull has started a BBQ business since his no good wife left him (another story deserving of its own post), and is hauling a big, black smoker that looks like a nuclear submarine around on the back of his pickup. Uncle Bull is also a grass roots political activist and has been all over the news for his relief work that he does after natural disasters and for the injured soldiers who come home from Iraq. Now he's into BBQ. This was inevitable. A few years ago we were up there for Christmas and Uncle Bull invited us over to his house, where he had 15 cats at the time, for Christmas dinner. We expected turkey and trimmings but got ribs, potato salad and cookies and I've got to tell you, it was damned good and we didn't miss the turkey one bit. I need to call Jeff Foxworthy because I think you might be a redneck if you have BBQ for Christmas dinner. Uncle Bull though, feels very strongly about BBQ. It's a serious matter, sort of like a heart attack. I understand.

Uncle Bull's son, my cousin Beau, is a lineman and just got back from Galveston where he was following in the family tradition doing relief work. So if any of you were in the Texas area ravaged by Ike you can thank my cousin Beau for getting your power back on. Beau got a wicked case of food poisoning while he was down there because he and some friends ate a mess of unrefrigerated shrimp. They thought it was a shame to see the shrimp go to waste, so they ate it, but it had been unrefrigerated too long and they all got really sick. Luckily, Beau and friends are ok now.

Cousin/ Best Friend Bella looks freaking amazing. She lost all her weight and is skinny and glamourous and healthy as ever. I am so proud of her. Her stinking-assed cat is another story. It drew blood on me in less than an hour of my arrival.

The Red Lobster is booming as always and we had the nicest server ever and then we went to Starbucks and had the nicest barista ever in the entire world. This leads me to believe that people in the Millpond area are just nice and that the people here in South Forida are all fucking assholes. Here the baristas roll their eyes at me when I order a solo and can't even so much as wish me a nice day. Up there they all seemed generally interested in my caffeinated well-being.

And oh I have saved the piece de resistance for last, dear readers.

My parents are on their way home. The bus is packed. They are on the highway heading back east. They should arrive this weekend which means that I must move back to my apartment at once. That has me stressed out too. I brought a lot of stuff over to my parents' house while they were gone and I have to get my place all back in order. I'm glad to go back though. I like my own residence ultimately, in spite of its lack of grill and big bathtub. I'm anxious to see my parents though and I guarantee you, within hours of their return the house will be full of lunatics again. Husband and I are taking bets on how long it will take. I wonder if Dougie will move in with them here. He's coming back with them, but he's flying. I guess the bus was too packed.

Also Aunt Kiki keeps drunk dialing me and talking incoherent nonsense. Last week she told me she had gotten a job as a hostess in a seafood restaurant and this week she said she quit, although one of her daughters is apparently spreading rumors that Aunt Kiki got fired for being drunk, which would not surprise me a whit.

Who the hell knows.

But that's all the news for now. Once I get settled down more I'll post some pictures of my trip for you and we'll get back into some serious story telling. Story telling as serious as BBQ. Serious as a heart attack.


Chris (Dippy Chick) said...

Okay... you started talking about BBQ and then cats and Christmas dinner. I thought this was going to turn into a story about BBQed cats!

Anyway, I'm glad you're back safe and sound. I haven't had a chance to comment regarding the story about your sister, but all in all it was riveting and I'm sorry she had to go through all of that. S. FL has a lot of nuts, but S. Boston does too - as you now know. Just stay away from guys that don't pronounce their Rs and you'll be okay. ;-)
Have a great week!

kate said...

Why do I feel like I've just read the redneck version of Prarie Home Companion?? My, your family just might be more, um, colorful than my redneck family! But ya gotta love 'em don't ya?

I'm a new reader (can't remember how I found you but you have the best blog name ever). Love your writing and was rivited by your sister's story! I'll be back!

Sinclair said...

Hello everybody, my name is Sinclair and I am addicted to this blog. I swear I must have visited 100 times over the weekend.

Thanks for posting, I was starting to have the sweats.

Can't wait to read about your cousin' story. Being married to a guy who had another family? Been there, done that!!! Your uncles' BBQ story sounds fascinating too. Glad your parents are coming back with all their freaks and my all-time favorite "Bomboclaat".

Hope you get all your work done soon and for some reason I doubt your writing sucks. You are gifted in that department.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait!!!

Glad you're back.


redb said...

Wait. There exists on this planet a delicacy known as a cider doughnut?! I love cider and doughnuts! And you can put them together! Oh ma gawd I'm getting me to google right now!

Glad to hear you had a nice weekend and sorry you've had so much stress.

Last Minute Lyn said...

really glad your back.
I thought somehow a cat was going to unintentionally cooked when I was reading that..glad that wasn't the case.

Jean Phoenix said...

I'm with you on the cider donut - I really want one. Off to Google.

Mattie said...

Never a dull moment, that's for sure!

Anonymous said...

You may think that your writing is suffering because of all you have to do, but really I think you do a fantastic job in keeping us informed, interested and entertained. Thank you!

Hilary said...

"A few years ago we were up there for Christmas and Uncle Bull invited us over to his house, where he had 15 cats at the time, for Christmas dinner."

I'm coughing up fur balls with this inadvertent mental image!

Anonymous said...

I come to Wide Lawns at least every day to see what's going on. I am addicted and I love it!

Sixteen Chickens said...

"I am a lineman for the county, and I drive the main roads..."

"Galveston, oh Gal-veh-ston..."

Sorry, I couldn't help myself, cousin Beau brought out the Glen Campbell in me.

JoeinVegas said...

You do have an interesting family. Kind of like that old Chinese (?) blessing of 'I hope that you live in interesting times'. At least we end up with a round of stories. And you might end up like Garrison, putting together a book of short stories.

Miss Kitty said...

BBQ and Xmas dinner...oh, hell yeah.

A couple years ago, we had a fish fry (catfish) for Xmas dinner. It was different and sure beat the hell out of MORE damned ham.

Can't wait to hear the new crazy stories. You give me so much inspiration, WL--you're making your writing dream come true, one step and one line at a time. [big hugs]

Anonymous said...

Glad you're back. You are adored by this household and a day without your humor is a day without sunshine.

Love, W and D

Sauntering Soul said...

My ex was from New York. Our first Thanksgiving dinner as a married couple was at a picnic table out by the barn with cows standing 3 feet from us at my uncle's house on a dirt road in Mississippi. You can safely say it was a bit of culture shock for my ex. BBQ for Christmas sounds wonderful to me!

Glad you had a safe trip to Millpond and back.

Kerry said...

That's awesome that people in Millpond are so nice. Does a person's heart good, just to have such a friendly face once in a while. Sorry people are such jerks in FL.

Glad your trip went well! **hugs**

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