Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I'm Going to be Rich

I'm always coming up with brilliant ideas to make myself a gazillionaire. I just got another one.

This morning I caught Canela licking water droplets off the shower doors. Afterward she spit up on the floor and I don't know if that was from a hairball or soap residue, but she seems ok now. This cat, and for that matter, ever single other pet I've ever had has preferred what I like to call "alternative water sources" to the fresh cold water I put in their dishes several times a day. I am vigilant about giving my pets fresh water. I change it three times a day and wash the bowl in between. Husband has even spoiled Canela to the point where she won't even look at it unless it has ice in it now too. So now the cat gets ice three times a day. If it melts she stands next to the dish and looks at it and she'll do this for hours until someone relents and gives her new ice and new water. Then she'll take two little sips and go drink out of the toilet.

So I thought I should come up with a line of special, and extremely expensive, bottled water for pets (because dogs are even worse about this than cats) and that it should come in different flavors. The flavors would be: toilet, mud puddle, shower residue, human's glass of water, melted ice cube that fell on the floor, faucet, other pet's water dish and last but not least, fish bowl.

Then I decided to take it a step further and decided that I also needed a line of cat food that represents what cats actually want to eat, because in the wild cats don't go salmon fishing or haul home dead chickens and cows. So my new cat food line, which is still in development, will feature flavors such as: Blue Jay Dinner, Mole and Vole Combo, Garter Snake, The Other Cat's Food (the one who is on the special diet and has to eat separately of course), Dog Food, Gecko Surprise (allows the cat to leave the tails) and Ground Hog (meant for multiple cats only and also suitable for some dogs). Other flavors such as People Food, Extension Cord, Christmas Tree, House Plant and Every Poisonous Thing in the House That Cats Shouldn't Eat are also in development at this time.

41 comments:

Mrs Parks said...

You need an infomercial to market this and the pets and I will stay up late to purchase it.
All of it.

Chiada said...

Great idea! I should have thought of that! :)

My dogs drink the green pond water in our backyard, they eat dried cat poop in the neighbor's yard, Hub-E's blue rubber work gloves, only buttered popcorn, buttered bread, the cat's food, and fallen apples.

thebestrevenge said...

You are totally onto something here. Now I read somewhere that animals like drinking water from other sources because of the chlorine and chemicals in tap water. The longer the water sits out, the more the chlorine evaporates. Or something.

Please add Big Flying Bugs and Endangered Green Iguana to your flavor lists.

Chris (Dippy Chick) said...

I think you're on to something! Seriously. Take it from me - packaging and funny names can make or break a product. I know you're kidding, but it really is a viable idea. You can buy cat food from a private label source and call it "Gecko Surprise" and then put under it "(really chicken & cheese)". You could make little kits for new cat owners with the various flavors, for people to give as gifts. I think it's hilarious, and it would work! All you need is a web site and some package design. There are SO MANY cat owners out there. Go for it!

saintseester said...

Don't forget expensive purse straps! The more costly (and/or favored) the bag, the more tasty those leather straps must be.

kerry said...

I love your new pet line! It's true- my cat drinks out of the dog's water bowl. I've stopped giving her her own bowl by now. She never uses it anyway.

NeekoalinAZ said...

Brilliant!

Also, you can design at least 1 cat toy per this idea.

My cat brings in the lizards but does not eat them. Instead she tortures them until they die and then hides them somewhere clever until their shells are hard and their eyeholes are empty. THEN and only then does she leave them at the side of my bed as a peace offering.

Magnificent!

Jess said...

I think you're on to something!

My dog won't eat dog food let alone eat in the kitchen where he is supposed to eat. He has to be up my husband's butt and eat whatever he is eating. UGHH!!

FreshHell said...

I think you're funny as shit. Here's an award forhttp://freshhell.wordpress.com/2008/09/16/freshhell-award-ceremony/ you:

Anonymous said...

I also had a cat once who liked to drink from my water glass... but she did it by sticking her paw in the water and then licking her paw. It was cute, until I remembered that she walked in the litter box with those paws....

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! I'd buy it for my cats!

~Lauren

Bella said...

I believe that we should start a line of cat toys as well. They would include Piece of Paper, Pen, Lizard, Shower Curtain, and of course Old Brown Box.

stljoie said...

I think you hit the jackpot!!!

Anonymous said...

My cat loves to drink the evaporated water on the side of my glass. He'll lick the glass clean if I let him. Also, another great cat toy..Milk rings. The plastic ring that comes off the jug of milk when you open it. My cat loves those too, but he usually ends up batting them under the couch.

Sauntering Soul said...

My cat must be the oddest cat on earth. She will only eat her food and she will only eat it when it's in her bowl. Unless I make chicken. That's the only thing she eats that is not her catfood. But even freshly cooked chicken has to be in her bowl. If I put it on the floor beside her bowl she will not touch it. And she only drinks water out of her bowl.

harrietsdaughter said...

Put me down for a crate of Toilet Water flavor.

Anonymous said...

Genius! Other flavors, courtesy of our own Big Gay Kittehs: toe-nail clippings, shoe, wooden drying rack, used packaging tape, stuffed penguin plushy, and flies. I am not kidding about any of these.

Anonymous said...

Some favors I would like to see for my dog- greasy french fries, bacon grease, stale potato chips, and laundry basket surprise. The last one would be difficult as it would combine nasty, dirty socks with the only pair of hole free underwear and good expensive bra. Not plain white cheap bra, but well made, silk, lots of lace $40 bra. Oh and brand new pair of leather shoes, and dinning room chair leg. Those are her favorites and I'm sure she'd be a willing test subject as she eats EVERYTHING.

Mattie said...

This WILL make you rich!

Goldie, my cat? Spoiled rotten. Gets the best of everything.

Then she goes outside and drinks from the oil-stained puddle in the parking lot after she drops off a dead bunny for my enjoyment.

Yeah. I'd so buy it.

a l'ouest said...

Water for cats does exist already -- in France.

http://consottisier.blogs.liberation.fr/photos/uncategorized/2007/06/08/water_catjpeg_2.jpg

Anonymous said...

My cat Squeak would like one pound of moth flavored dinner, please.

Magpie said...

You forgot cactus - and mice.

But I think you've got a winner.

JenStar said...

You are going to be so loaded! I be they feature you on MTV Cribs!

Beth said...

We'll take a case of Plastic Bag Medley and one case of Filet of Important Tax Documents.

the Bag Lady said...

Brilliant!
A few more flavours:

"Mouse'n'Chickadee" cat food.

"Calf Poop Pie" ('cause milky is better) for dogs. (NOT for lactose-intolerant dogs! They can always have the regular "Cow Pie" variety)

"Roadkill Surprise" (also for dogs, but may appeal to cats)

"Dragged Home from God Knows Where" for dogs.

And the ever-popular "Where the Fuck did you find that Moose Leg Bone?" chew toy for dogs. (May have to work on that name, though...or use a really tiny font...)

neuter_scooter said...

You forgot people (human) flavored. If I died in my sleep I have one cat here that would soooooo make a meal out of me.

Soilent Kitty.

Deana said...

Don't forget "Palmetto Bug Delight" a favorite delicacy of cats everywhere but particularly the southern felines.

Sinclair said...

You'll be LOADED!

Please add the "bird seeds" and "bird millet" varieties.

My kitten goes around the birds cage eating all the seeds on the carpet. He's about to grow feathers and fly!!!

Anonymous said...

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/08/cake-cruelty.html

This looks like a nasty ass recipe to me

TK said...

How do all these animals eat this stuff and not puke or have mucous runs for 2 days??? My pup is so smart that when he is in our bedroom in his crate and has to puke, he runs to the bathroom, hops into the tub and does it there, because that's where I have been tossing him for awhile! Trying to get him down 2 flights of stairs is too nuts.

Apparently the few bites of french fries and tastes of bacon and cheese set him off yesterday, because I was up all night with him. or his canned food, we ran out of lamb and he got chicken. From what I have read, over-vaccination causes irritable bowel, and due to a very aggressive vet and a breeder who was in a hurry, he was over vaccinated.

As a pup he loved to bring in pebbles, and would bring all sorts of stuff inside tucked on his tongue. I could always tell by the look on his face when he was carrying contraband, and got really good at mouth checks.

He has a terrible paper, sock and folding money fetish. He loves to steal my post-it notes, we can't let him near bills, and socks are so serious he needs to go to SA, no wait, that would be Sexaholics Anonymous...

You can add snails and pea gravel to the list of ingredients on the specialty can for dogs with pica!

booda baby said...

That's about as close to brilliant as a person could get!

Haasiegirl said...

OMG, thats hilarious. Make sure you make "previously puked up and will eat again" flavor. This doubles as "pooped and will eat it" for dogs

trisha
momdot.com

Whiskeymarie said...

Having just given one a drink out of my "bathroom" water glass, and having given the other a drink out of the toilet bowl that I specially cleaned in anticipation of giving my furry friend a drink...

count me as a potential investor.

the new girl said...

BAAA HAHAHAAAA!

My cat likes only *running water* and so, you may have to make a bowl that has, you know, a FOUNTAIN in it.

drawer queen said...

We would like to add "Chipmunk Guts" , "Baby Rabbit" and "Cicada". The second flavor is best eaten whole and then puked onto the area rug.
You are a genius!

Missicat said...

Don't forget plastic bags and newspaper-that-I-am-trying-to-read.

Cinderella of the Law Library said...

Cat poop candy would be another one. My dog finds cat poop all the time in my parents yard when we go to vist from the neighbor's cat. She sits with it in between her paws and eats it like a kid eating a candy bar until we find her and have to chase her down to get her to give it up.

elby said...

in response to the cat food flavour thing, I'm told a cat's sense of taste isn't very strong. they care more about the texture of food than the flavour.

feefifoto said...

Touche.

BTW, it's not just cats who are finicky about water. My dog insists on ice cubes in her water and turns up her nose if it's got anything floating in it. And I'm like "You're a DOG! You eat dirt. What's with the turned up nose?" She even figured out how to turn on the hose so she could sip water dripping from the valve when the water in her bowl was not up to her standards.

TwistedNoodle said...

Don't forget "Kitty Litter Surprise". I had a dog that thought it was her job to keep the cat's litter box clean on a daily basis. Ewww.

awittykitty said...

Forget my cat, I'd just like to buy a case of slightly skanky toilet bowl water flavor and then invite all my old co-workers and bosses I never liked and make them some lemonaide.

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