Thursday, September 11, 2008

Barack Obama Eats Spinach Dip, Tips Well

I'm still busy, but the good news is that I finished one of my long pieces I was working on for my other, non-blog writing. Now it has to be edited. You all know, obviously, I think that I write a whole lot more than what I put on here in my real life, right? Some of it is for school and some of it is or aspires to be published elsewhere.

I debated about writing anything today, as I thought maybe today should be a "post of silence" but then I thought it wouldn't be irreverent to write a little something before I run off for another long day. I've been getting home after 10:30 every night lately.

So last week one my close relatives in another state, who does not wish to be identified right now, had the privilege of serving Barack Obama and Joe Biden when they came to the restaurant where he works. They were on their way from one city on the campaign trail to another and stopped for lunch, being that they are actual human beings who get hungry. Secret Service scouted the place out for them an hour before they arrived, so apparently politicians can't just be all like "Hey that place looks great, let's eat there!" Everything has to be planned out. This would drive me insane. Remember to tell me never to run for office. Oh wait, I think I've long since ruined any chance I've ever had at a career in politics anyway.

By the time the whole entourage arrived at the restaurant the place was in a tizzy. A bunch of employees had called their relatives and told them to come in and eat so they could see the candidates and the place got really crowded. Barack and Joe ended up sitting down at a table with some regular patrons instead of taking their own table and since it was a table of old people, the patrons were awfully excited about this. Then everyone wanted autographs and pictures and they didn't turn down a single request and spent a lot of time talking to every person who approached them. Now I would have hated this, but again, politics is not for me. I would have shouted something like "God Dammit can't you all people see I'm trying to get a bite to eat over here?? Jesus Christ!!!" And then I'd be on CNN and Fox and on the cover of every national newspaper and no one would ever vote for me. I hate somebody trying to bother me when there's food around. I'm like one of those nervous dogs from the pound who growls over the food bowl and swears everyone wants to steal her kibble.

Barack Obama likes spinach dip. He also enjoys a good pretzel on occasion. He drank water, didn't smoke any cigarettes and held some girl's baby for a long time and played with it and kissed it on the head. The best part of all is that Barack Obama and Joe Biden each tipped my relative, MY RELATIVE, 50 percent. That's pretty nice. They also took a picture with him. My relative also reports that he found Barack Obama to be a pretty regular, nice guy who was very outgoing and had all the old ladies in the restaurant blushing and gushing. He also said that Barack Obama was very natural with the baby, who very much wanted to be held by him and that he didn't hold the baby in one of those fake politician ways and when he kissed the baby repeatedly on its little fuzzy head he did it in a sort of instinctive, not on purpose for a photo-op kind of way. He just liked the baby. I admit, I was touched.

Unfortunately I can't be very objective about this as it is highly unlikely that John McCain and Sarah Palin will visit the same restaurant. It was just a freak event. I'd also like to add that I had really wanted to be able to hear both candidates speak in person, but to date I haven't been able to do that because McCain hasn't been down here yet, at least not in a capacity where I could have seen him. I'm on both candidates' email lists so I can compare and I rarely get anything from McCain and get something from Obama at least every day. Barack Obama was texting me so much that I felt like he had a crush on me. John McCain sent me something in the mail the other day addressed to me as if I were a Republican, which annoyed me because I am an Independent. Isn't my vote crucial to this election? Shouldn't I be courted and wooed and all that? McCain needs to step it up a little. Maybe take me to dinner or something? A nice lobster perhaps.

26 comments:

Emily said...

Any man who instinctively kisses babies on the head deserves my vote.The fact that he doesnt mind a little spinach between his teeth doesnt hurt either

Fancy Schmancy said...

I already knew who I was was voting for, but this made me happy. I think he might really be a regular person, and I hope his integrity is real and affected. Also, Sarah Palin really scares me.

emf said...

Ever notice how a man married and/or has children can kiss babies but it seems sketchy when single men do it?
Sarah Palin intrigues me. She has a lot of conviction- in that naive extremist way.

Lobster dinner? You are easy. ;) I will agree though, perceived effort goes a long way and Obama gets to control that information voters get about him as well.

drawer queen said...

You don't want a dinner date with the Republicans. McCain eats dinner at 5:00 with all the old folks and Palin has to wait until the venom she injected into her prey takes effect so she can wrap it in her web.

Sorry, left leaning tendencies showing.....

Wide Lawns said...

Ha! Drawer Queen that made me laugh. The part about the venom was the best!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe all of the fat, ugly democratic women so jealous of Palin that they have to say ridiculous things in order to be funny. And, for those that constantly make fun of McCain...when was the last time you were in a prison donkey?

NeekoalinAZ said...

How is it that you don't get mail from McCain every day? I get mail constantly! E-mails and phone calls like crazy. And I'm not saying that in a bad way as I am registered Republican I'm just shocked!

I even got a little love from Obama's way the other day. I felt special. :-)

Drawer Queen - Will you tell us how you really feel please? And don't hold back! LOL

Blu Jewel said...

i haven't been through in a while and thought i'd come visit. hope all is well.

i'm with Emily on this one.

beatgrl said...

Just before i sat down to read your post I was thinking about how much I enjoy your writing and hoping that some of your work gets published so I can buy it and support your enormous talent. I hope you let us know. But then we would know your name and it would blow the whole anonymous blog thing. And I would miss coming here.

Wide Lawns said...

I don't know why I'm not getting McCain stuff. Maybe I need to re-sign-up or something. I did get something in the real mail.

And to the anonymous commenter - we aren't having a political insult match over here, and I said I was trying to be objective about the candidates but I have to defend Drawer Queen. I know I can't speak for her, as only she would know the answer to this question, but I strongly suspect that she has never been in a prison donkey. I know your comment wasn't directed at me but I just wanted to add that I haven't been in a prison donkey either and god dammit I certainly don't want to ever be.

So keep it nice readers and don't insult one another. It doesn't matter that people have different political opinions than you do. We can't all be the same. Do not make me have to bust you all's asses over this.

Wide Lawns said...

Hi Blue Jewel I missed you!!! Stop by more often!

And thanks Beatgrl!

Dayna said...

Yes as an Independent your vote is CRUCIAL. So do me, yourself and the rest of this country a favor,
GET OFF THAT DAMN FENCE AND VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA.

Dayna said...

John McCain too "SAME SAME SAME" for me.
I really can't tolerate "Steroid Barbie".
And don't even get me started on "Mrs. Carribou Killer".

I went to Kathy Griffin's show last week and she said that she needs to send Sarah Palin a muffin Basket b/c for a comedian Sarah Palin and her family is a GIFT from the Baby Jesus Christ Laying in a Manager.
Kathy Griffin Rocked. She talked about EVERYBODY!

Gwen said...

Hi.
I'm Canadian and the media in Canada is so focused on the American election that I feel like I should be crossing the border and voting. Not that I can or will.
I don't know if you know this, but us Canadians are having a Federal election on October 14th. Kinda sucks, when I don't know who to vote for. Maybe I should ask the question, Obama...I mean...Liberal, Conservative, NDP, or Green Party.

Devilfish said...

I'm sorry, but who cares about how naturally he kisses the baby? I'd be interested to know how my own dad kisses babies, sure, because that's at last relevant to my life. Now granted, I'm not a USA citizen, but I sort of figured leading a humongous country entailed very little baby-kissing and spinach-dipping. I may be wrong though.

Then again, it's always nice to know the people you vote for don't usually eat babies. I mean, he was hungry and all...

drawer queen said...

I think I am probably too fat and ugly to fit in a prison donkey, but first I would have to find out: what exactly is a prison donkey? How large is it? What does it eat? Can I ride it over a mountain? Thanks for having my vast and ugly back WLNM!

Wide Lawns said...

Well leading a country involves no spinach dipping or baby kissing, but the only things I could report about from this incident were those things and how genuine he seemed doing them. And I'm also just telling you what someone else saw and told me. I wasn't retelling the story to necessarily get someone to vote for Obama because he was very nice to a baby or ate spinach dip. I wrote the story mainly for entertainment and because it was pretty neat that one of my relatives got to serve a person who could possibly be the next president and who has already made history with his campaign. Sometimes public figures like that seem no longer human to us and we forget that, wow, they might eat spinach dip too! And then it seems kind of funny because we remember that they are real people just like we are. I just happen to be a big sucker for a big powerful man cooing and cuddling with a baby so I thought that was cute. That's it.

And I'd like to say something else here Republicans. First, I re-signed up for the McCain email list just in case and I still didn't get anything. Hopefully by the end of the day I'll get something. Secondly, when you insult people and say nasty things to me and my readers you aren't helping sway me. You are representing your party poorly. I think it's perfectly ok and I encourage making fun of candidates and politicians. They're public figures. They all need to be made fun of once in a while. It's part of the American tradition that we're allowed to satirize and make jokes about our leaders and we should be damned thankful for that privilege. One reason why I love America is because we can criticize, tease and pretty much say anything we want about our leaders without getting sent to the gulag or shot in front of a firing squad.

However, I think we owe our fellow regular citizens far more courtesy and civility, especially those of us (and I'm talking to both sides) who may not agree with us on everything. So please, again, no insulting one another.

And again, Republicans, please remember that you need to seriously be kissing my ass right now to impress me and get my vote and show me why your party is the best choice to run the country, NOT making an ass out of yourselves and making mean comments with poor grammar.

booda baby said...

While I liked your story very much, it's the comments that are doing the entertaining today. Drawer Queen made me laugh laugh laugh and I'm particularly grateful since lately, I've been feeling a little paralyzed.

That kind of 'inconceivable!' paralysis.

I became an Independent this year just SO I could get a little extra attention. I even considered moving states to get some love.

Then they introduced me to my prospective vice president who started boldly going where no one who has any background or understanding of NATO would think of going because, frankly, it's stupidly belligerent. Shit. The slightest bit of empathy would warn you away from it.

So. My exciting new adventure in being an Independent got nipped in the bud. I hope you get your lobster dinner and I'll just look on longingly, wishing I too could have held out.

Rich said...

Emily and Drawer Queen:

Do the nation a favor and forget to vote in the presidential election. Go get your nails done instead.

Wide Lawns said...

See, again, making your party look great there.

Devilfish said...

Oh, don't get me wrong. I'd be exited too if someone like that waltzed in and I really enjoyed the story. I meant no direspect. Like I said, I'm not from the US so it's no skin of my nose. But for an outsider looking in, this whole presidential race is a bit confusing and sometimes seems to miss the point. I have no desire to get caught up in something I as an outsider have trouble understanding, hence my comment. No malicious intent at all.

That being said, it's reassuring to hear that politicians of that magnitude have basic human needs and skills. There's something to be said for men who know how to hold an infant like that. From your story I'd say he's a decent, patient guy and that must be reassuring if there's a chance he's going to be leading the country some day.

I don't know if the rest of that was directed at me, but while I have some thoughts on both parties, they're completely inconsequential as I cannot vote for either. I didn't mean to imply one was better than the other.

Or, to sum up: sorry if I offended.

Wide Lawns said...

No no I wasn't directing it at you. I was talking to the prison donkey.

Devilfish you had a good post today about the american pov that the customer is always right. The customer is not always right and it seems the rest of the world understands this better than Americans. Everyone go read her post.

Wide Lawns said...

Oh I forgot to mention that now that I've resigned up for McCain's list that I have received an email from him.

misha said...

was going to vote for Obama, but now that i know that he frivously over tips, I am oh so much happier about voting for him. Bought my first campaign shirt and bumper sticker ever.
on another note, when I was waitressing we were told a week in advance that someone important was visiting. they never told us who she was and no one recognized her but we had SS agents looking over the place for 2 days before. The day of we closed a station for her and her friend and 2 4-tops of agents. There were 2 in front of the bathrooms, 2 in front of the kitchen door, and 2 in the back of the kitchen where the back door was. Oh, and of course two acted like they were waiting for a table by the front door. Interesting messed up day. Didnt wait on them so dont know what kind of tip they left but i think it was good. this was in 02 I think.

misha said...

you are doing a great job regulating here but leaving a rather mean ANONYMOUS post just creates more hate. So much easier to hate someone who isnt brave enough to put some info about who the words come from.

AM said...

As someone who worked in the service industry during the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis/St.Paul, I found that republicans NOT tip well at all- especially delegates and senators. LOTS of demands and very few "please" and "thank yous," but a lot of "RIGHT NOWS" and condescending remarks. There were exceptions, and most of the supporters were very nice. Delegates and senators were the worst. There was remarkably little diversity in the group as well.

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