Friday, August 29, 2008

Conversation Overheard Yesterday

I had a moment of searing pain yesterday when I heard this conversation between two young women who were walking out of the mall with large bags from expensive department stores. They were young, pretty, deeply tanned with artificially straightened hair and smudgy, dark eyeliner. They both looked alarmingly similar and this is what they talked about.

Girl 1: I can't believe I got a fucking ticket. It was ridiculous.

Girl 2: How fast were you going?

Girl 1: The speed limit and the cop was all like "Do you know how fast your were going young lady" and I was all like "Well ye-es. Umm I was going the speed limit SIR" and he goes "You were going 95 miles per hour miss" and I was like "Uh YE-AH. I said I was going the speed limit" and he was all "95 is not the speed limit" and I said "Oh yes it is, last time I checked I was driving on 95 so that is the speed limit" and he tried to say it was 65.

Girl 2: I think it is 65.

Girl 1: No it isn't. Why is the road called 95 then? The road is named after the speed limit and it's not called I-65, it's called I-95 so you can go 95 right? Like on I-75 I drive slower and go 75 and on 575 I go 75 and 595 I go 95 and on 195 in South Beach I can go 95.

Girl 2: That's not how it works.

Girl 1: Yes it does.

Girl 2: No it doesn't. The roads aren't named after the speed limit.

Girl 1: Well what are they named after then?

Girl 2: I don't know, but not the speed limit. There are speed limit signs on the roads anyway.

Girl 1: I know, duh, and they say I-95 so I shouldn't have got that ticket. I'm getting a lawyer. This sucks.

Girl 2: Yeah good luck with that.

My question is, what does she do on State Road 7?

36 comments:

The Bad Ambassador said...

Hah - that's brilliant!

Jeannie said...

Do you think she once had a boyfriend who liked to take advantage of her obvious stupidity?

Anonymous said...

Seriously? That makes me feel good. If I don't teach my preschool age kid anything else ever, he's still already smarter than that girl.

carolyn said...

You're kidding, right? That has to be a joke. And if it isn't then how does that chick get out of bed in the morning without hurting herself?

Wide Lawns said...

Honestly I did hear this. I don't think my brain is capable of coming up with that level, that degree, of creative stupidity. It just won't do it, even for fun. See, I'm not naturally that funny. I'm just a good observer.

Amblus said...

Route 1 must mess her UP.

mysecondjournal said...

OMG..you can't make that shit up! Awesome. I am dissapointed thought that they weren't bleach blonds

Eric said...

How fast does one drive on Maple Avenue?

Whiskeymarie said...

While I'm horrified that this woman exists on the same planet as the rest of us, I am taking some comfort in the fact that she didn't get out of the ticket the way so many women like this seem to be able to do ALL THE TIME.
Perhaps this is karmic justice, of a sort.

JoeinVegas said...

95, because obviously somebody put out the wrong signs.

JDogg said...

Have you heard the one about the 710 cap under the hood?

Anonymous said...

No, no, no... you all don't understand. Routes and roads don't count - it's just the highways that correspond to the speed. On all other roads you can go 85. Isn't that the way it works?

Anonymous said...

amblus: Does anyone ever manage to go faster than 1mph on US-1?

42 said...

I bet her brain would seize if she ended up in the Twin Cities (MN) where I-35 splits into 35E and 35W.

nicrogers said...

lol! I have to give you credit, I would have been rolling around on the floor laughing at that dimwit! Good grief!

That Girl said...

Wow. I had no idea stupidity on that level even exists. It also makes me wonder how the hell she passed her driver's test in the first place.

I hope she does get herself a lawyer - and gets laughed straight out of the courtroom to pay her lawyer's fee AND the ticket!

Dayna said...

I got a speeding ticket in March on Swinnea St. and another one a couple of weeks ago on Rasco Rd. I guess I just couldn't tell what the speed limit was by the street names. The main drag through our city is Hwy 302. I need to stay on that one and quit taking the side streets.
Better yet when I was growning up we lived on Hwy 1000. Maybe I need to go back home. But before that we lived on Hwy 1. And you have to take Hwy 1 to get to Hwy 1000.
Maybe I should just go to Fla. where the speed limit is 95.

Alessandra said...

The really scary part is that this rocket scientist got a driving license in the first place.

TK said...

What's scary is that there are gorillas, chimps and parrots smarter than this person, and scarier still is that there are so many people just like her walking around all over this planet.
We have to remember that the AVERAGE I.Q. is 100. That means 50% are lower.....

This is just proof that the Apocalypse is closer than we think.

Wide Lawns said...

Well in this poor girl's defense, if even there is one, I should have mentioned that she couldn't have been more than 16. I think. I can't tell ages very well.

Fae said...

roflmfao!!! But, wait... that's really very scary. They let people that stupid drive?!

kerry said...

That's some kind of awesome. She'd love the highways here in SoCal- 101, 710, 405, 110, and of course we have a 1.

I'd love to watch her court case. I'd get contempt for laughing.

Sixteen Chickens said...

I am not going to laugh, I repeat, I am not going to laugh. No, no, no, stop it. Heh, ha, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

As karma would have it, that girl will appear in the front row of your classroom on Tuesday morning.

nandy said...

Please, please, please tell me she was blonde. That is a classic!

wicklow wench said...

Jeez :-0 I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Brilliantly told, BTW, absolute slow-dawning brilliance...

Emily said...

I live in the Twin Cities, and a site was just launched to document all the ridiculous things that are overheard during the RNC this week.

Might be worth checking out if you enjoy overheard ridiculousness.

http://www.overheardrnc.com/

Decorina said...

I am screaming with laughter and wiping my eyes. This is the funniest thing I've read for a long, long time.

stljoie said...

and I bet she's a republican.

gulfsidebo said...

best thing i've heard all summer! that's hilarious!

i should have used that when i got my ticket in southern Colorado midsummer.

Aunt Debbi/kurts mom said...

dumb chicks make the world go around. hahahahaha

FreshHell said...

Wow. That blows my mind. I live off I-95 too and had no idea I could go that fast.

FreshHell said...

Wow. I live close to I-95 and all this time I had no idea I was driving so SLOWLY!

Merry said...

Oh sweet sufferin' Succotash!

Missicat said...

Wow. I think my cat is smarter then that girl....

misha said...

dumb rich .... most likely goes 70

NeekoalinAZ said...

OH.

My.

God.

There are no words.

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