Friday, June 27, 2008

Mamarazzi Report

This isn't a very good star sighting, but I thought it was somewhat interesting and funny nonetheless. My mom sent me this email yesterday while I was so busy reading and trying to comment on all of your suggestions that I got too lazy to actually post something myself. Also I need to mention that it is kind of odd when your mom is reporting on LA's hottest clubs.

"Last night we took off with a crew of people and a driver thank God, and went to meet this guy we met from down the street. There was a total of about 15 people. We had drinks at Besos and some delicious food. All went well, we had a ball there. We left around midnight and went straight to The Villa. This is one of the hottest most hard to get in clubs besides STK which is now off the chart. Paparazzi were all over the place. Like bees swarming. All of a sudden they come running and nearly jump inside this car. All of them have got the car covered so that it can’t even move. They are covering the car with their bodies - flashing lights going off by the hundreds. After they finish, I asked the guy from TMZ who the hell was in that car. He said Lorenzo Lamas’ ex-wife. I said who the heck cares about her? He said right now she’s involved in a big lawsuit that is being reported on. Seems they are in a lawsuit with a big plastic surgeon that has been pumping vegetable oil in people’s faces. Can you imagine? He said they needed pics to go with the story. They got plenty.

Here she is: http://www.vanityspy.com/tag/shauna-sand/

Shauna Sands. She is one of Lorenzo's ex-wives.

Botox injections, hair weaves, fake boobs, platypus lips and all, I still have NO clue who this fake is. Nothing on this woman is real."


I have no idea who she is either. I had to ask my mom who Lorenzo Lamas even was. She said he was on TV show in the 80s and was really good looking back then. I decided to look him up on Wikipedia and lo and behold the dude was on Falcon Crest and the Bold and the Beautiful. Well that just explains everything doesn't it? I mean obviously he was a huge star. Jeez, Falcon Crest. Wow. It looks like now he's in a bunch of crappy D-movie, straight to video projects that probably barely pay his rent. Even so, I mean I would be thrilled to meet someone who was actually on the TV show that came on after Dallas when I was little (this should be read as sarcasm obviously). Not that I ever stayed up that late but I do have vague memories of my grandparents and Aunt Janey discussing the capers of Angela and that no good, lazy Lance over Saturday morning breakfasts. For a while I thought they were their friends or something, along with JR, Bobby, Suellen and Lucy, their friends from Texas.

But this Shauna Sand woman, Lord have mercy. She looks like she could be Michael Jackson's sister with all that surgery. She's hideous. She looks like every worn-out, aging stripper that hangs around in the bars down here in South Florida looking for rich old men. Except the rich old men don't even want these old whores because they like their whores right out of high school. I can't imagine why the paparazzi would make a fuss over this woman and who cares if she got bad plastic surgery? From what I saw in LA she's in good company. Shoot, she'd fit right in down here in the Platypus Lip Capital of the World. Shauna if you've done a Google Alert on yourself and are now reading this let me just tell you honey that you'd be totally welcome in South Florida. You'd feel right at home and the paparazzi wouldn't bother you down here because they wouldn't be able to tell you apart from anyone else.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do the strippers in Florida really look that...expensive?

Laura said...

Wow that woman is frightening looking.

Wide Lawns said...

Yes they do look that expensive. Honestly most of them look better than this woman.

Chiada said...

Wasn't Lorenzo also a celebrity judge on some contestant type show?

(checks Wikipedia)

Oh yeah.. Are You Hot? or something like that. I vaguely remember seeing commercials for that show (I never saw it) where he had longish hair, was very tan, and wore dark sunglasses.

I also remember him as being the very cute but dumb jock on the movie Grease that Sandy briefly dates in order to make John Travolta jealous.

Lori said...

They say she's wearing a short see-through dress. I think it's a swim suit coverup.

Anonymous said...

okay, I know this sounds really mean, but I think she looks kind of like a man! She's got that transvestite face-thing goin' on.

Anonymous said...

Nikki Cox used to be really beautiful then she got married and turned herself into a cartoon. I wish I knew what happened to her, I mean how can you be beautiful and turn yourself into a freak show? I really don't understand. She was on a Ghost Whisperer and it was just scary. Nikki was scary, not the show.

Abigail said...

she's famous for let some quack pump vegetable oil into her face?
what is the world coming to?

Jamie said...

I'm ashamed to be typing this, but her daughter just won on the latest Bachelor go round. He picked her because she was the most "real" of all the girls. He even met her mom and still picked her, so love must really be blind.

JoeinVegas said...

Wow, I suppose we'll soon be seeing your mom in the tabloids at all the hot clubs?

Cruella DeMille said...

I'm not gonna lie: I fantasize about plastic surgery*... but NOT on my face! No matter how skilled the surgeon or adtroitly placed the 'tox injections, a face does not look human after going under the knife.

I mean, Francis McDormand (fargo) hasn't done a thing to her face (according to, "Searching for Debra Winger") and you know what she's more beautiful with her laugh lines and forehead wrinkles than this Shauna chick.

Why? IMHO You can see Francis has lived her life... and not lived it merely to run to the surgeon so that he can slice and dice her face to reflect a past gone far away filled with empty memories of physical beauty.

*I lost over A TON of lbs. when i've conquered 10 years of maintainance, I'd like to have my skin 'taken in'. Call me a hypocrite if you will. I'm ok with it :)

Anonymous said...

It was motor oil, not veg oil....

And she WAS planning on moving to Florida!

(watches tmz too much)

redb said...

I read dlisted.com and SS is one of those women that the author talks about all the time. She wears nothing but lucite heels and he has pictures and posts about her and her shoes quite a bit. It sounds really lame as I'm typing this but I swear the posts are hilarious.

Wide Lawns said...

MOTOR OIL???? Oh my God. That's horrible. She certainly looks like she had motor oil in her face. At least veg oil is natural.

noble pig said...

Platypus Lips? That is the best description I've ever heard!

Monda said...

Lorenzo has a fabulous voice, and his son is stunning.

That woman, though. Sweet Jesus.

the Bag Lady said...

Wonder how much she paid for that jawline? The Bag Lady would like a new jawline - or, at the very least, only one chin.....sigh.

Beverly said...

cruella - that's not exactly the same thing as racing to the doctor to have every wrinkle removed because you're too vain to admit you're aging.

that woman - is hideous. she looks like a train wreck. does anyone else watch gene simmons family jewels? gene, shannon, and tracy have all had surgery done on the show and they make absolutely no bones about how vain they all are about it. and gene balked at the $100K+ that they spent for it but he did it anyway. think about that one - $100K for a couple of facelifts. i dearly love that show but that's insane. there are some people who just don't live in the same world with the rest of us.

sha said...

I know this is sort of late but... I found you some more Shauna Sand. This site is slightly nsfw, but the commentary the blogger makes is pretty funny.

http://egotastic.com/entertainment/celebrities/shauna-sand/shauna-sand-bikini-pictures-cant-fool-me-003844

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