Saturday, May 31, 2008
10:44 AM | Posted by Wide Lawns | | Edit Post
There are just some things that are unique to life in South Florida. Well, as I wrote that I realized that millions of other people in other countries have to deal with this too, but what I mean is that in comparison to the rest of the US, we have to deal with things here in South Florida that would be quite foreign and unheard of in, say, Ohio. Or Iowa. Or Washington State. One of these things is coconuts.
I hadn't thought about coconuts in a while. I had other things on my mind and coconuts weren't a priority. Then while in the backyard I looked up and noticed that the palm tree was loaded with literally hundreds of ripe coconuts and all of the ominous warnings I had ever heard about coconuts began to thunder through my head until I just about worked myself into such a panic attack that I needed to breathe into a paper bag until it passed. See, you people in other states are going "What in the hell kind of ominous warnings about coconuts is she talking about? Whoever heard of a coconut needing a warning?"
According to all sorts of crap I've looked up on the Internet, 150 people every year are killed by coconuts falling on their heads. Coconuts supposedly kill more people than shark attacks. But see, because I am totally neurotic I begin to imagine things and extrapolate the statistics. 150 people are killed. Dead. But what about the people who get conked on the head and don't die but are just severely injured? How many people are quadriplegics because of coconuts? How many people are brain damaged by coconuts? Surely it must be way more than 150. So in my mind I begin to picture thousands of people all over the world who are victims of coconut attacks and then of course I start to worry that one of those thousands of people killed, maimed, blinded or placed into a persistent vegetative state, by coconuts will be killed or injured in my backyard and it will be all my fault.
I stood in the yard and looked at the coconuts for a very long time, envisioning a lot of bloody carnage, but I made sure that I stood several feet away from the tree in case one fell while I was standing there thinking about them falling. I pondered how to get the coconuts down from the tree.
Then I remembered more terrifying statistics about how coconuts become dangerous projectiles during hurricanes and how, oh my God, and I don't even want to talk about this, Hurricane Seasons starts tomorrow. You wouldn't believe the damage a coconut whizzing by at 150 miles per hour can inflict on a body or a structure. So now I had a whole new level of worry. The coconuts had to come down.
There are many local services that charge hundreds of dollars for people to get up on ladders or even simply climb the tree with their bare hands and feet, to cut down coconuts. I don't have hundreds of dollars to pay someone to just cut down some stupid coconuts and haul them away. That's a rip off and Husband and I like to do things ourselves, so when I told Husband that the coconuts needed to come down, before I had even finished uttering the sentence, he was already in the garage looking for something tall to stand on and something sharp to cut with. He was also imagining all of the uses for coconut flesh and coconut water and trying to find recipes using coconut and I guarantee you, he was also trying to think of how to make a profit out of this.
My husband and I each have fundamentally different world views. We can each look at the same object and see it in completely unique ways. I look at something and imagine all the ways that it can kill me, the cat or other people. Husband can look at something and imagine all the ways that he can either eat it or sell it.
The coconuts became a major saga this week, and since I have out of town guests, I'm going to cut the story short and finish it later. Also it's because I don't know how to successfully post more than one picture at a time without screwing up everything and making the alignment go insane. I guarantee you that even this picture will mess up the alignment and not let me put spaces between paragraphs. Why is this happening? I look at plenty of other blogs and their photos are posted just fine and they have spaces in between paragraphs. What am I doing wrong? Can anyone help?
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