Sunday, April 06, 2008

One of Those All Over the Place Catch up Posts I Hate

Jeez, where the hell have I been for the past two weeks? Everyone has been asking me, so I guess I owe you an explanation which is about to be lame, I'm warning you.

I had things to do. One of them was the workshop with the famous writer, to which I devoted myself entirely. Then I had to figure out my schedule for the summer and see if I couldn't maybe get myself a teaching job and into a summer program at the University of Iowa. I got the job and haven't figured out Iowa yet. I'm not worried though. Things always work out how they should.

The other thing I had to do was finish Lost, which I did. They say the definition of a disorder is if it interferes with your life. I qualify for a serious case of Lost Disorder. I think my muscles atrophied from sitting on the couch watching so much damned TV. I have the equivalent of bed sores on my ass.

Once I caught up on Lost I started to feel guilty for my excessive TV watching and refused to sit on my behind any longer (as one does when one writes) and I tried to restore the imbalance I had caused in my universe by doing all sorts of things and spending time outside like a normal person. The weather has been perfect here so I went to beach and did homework out in the sun on several occasions. Then I tried to justify my Lost habit because I still felt guilty and I decided that I was actually watching it to become a better writer. I even toyed with the idea of creating an entire creative writing class called "How to Learn to Write Stories From Watching Lost" but then scrapped that idea because I can just imagine trying to pitch something like that to a college English department hoping to get a job and having them call security to get the crazy woman out of the office. The crazy woman who insists she's here from 1997 and whose consciousness is trapped on a freighter somewhere outside of the normal space time continuum.

So now I'm back and in the meantime I accomplished all sorts of boring, normal life kind of things and continued to observe the chaos and disorder common to my family members.

Mini-T my jackass brother committed a felony, and not even an interesting one, and almost got arrested and ended up costing my parents a ton of money. It was one of those idiotic felonies that you hear about and you're all like "THAT is a felony? For real?" So it wasn't even a good story, like if he stole a car or robbed a bank, which would be incredibly awful, but at least more interesting than what the asshole actually did, which was put some old junk in someone else's dumpster instead of hauling it to the actual dump as he had been instructed.

In addition to that he is really on the family's shit list because he taught his illegitimate 3 year old son to say the N-word. Now before you go thinking he is some sort of white supremacist, let me remind you that my brother is African American himself and knows full well how it feels to be called the N-word and how we don't allow that word in our family. I think he feels that because he is black that it's OK to say it, that he has somehow reclaimed the word. I disagree. No one needs to say that word. It is rooted in evil. It has bad energy. It shouldn't be in rap songs, it shouldn't be slang and it sure as hell shouldn't be coming out of the mouth of a 3 year old. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT email me or comment about how graduate school should expand my horizons and how I don't know what I'm talking about and how African Americans are exercising their agency and free will over language by recoding and how they are expressing their culture or any other idiotic white guilt bullshit like that. My moron brother doesn't know what recoding is. He wants to be a rapper and he listens to rap songs that use the word, as well as some other words, and he lets his child listen to that music and he's just imitating something that sounds glamorous and powerful to him because he feels powerless. And the reason he feels powerless is because he came from a terrible background of violence, abuse and horrible choices. When my mother heard about this she almost turned completely inside out and so did I. I haven't been that disgusted in a long time. Also, if you want to defend black people's use of the N-word, I'd like you to know that a few years ago I went to hear Maya Angelou speak for nearly two hours on this very topic and she agrees with me. You can't argue with Maya.

In other news my sister is doing well. My husband, who is also doing well, has become as obsessed with nut brittle as I was with Lost. Every day for the past 3 weeks my husband has made a new batch of nut brittle and every day it's different. I found a legal pad which he had hidden from me and it had 17 different recipes written on it. I guess he's experimenting and writing each version down and comparing notes. Personally I thought "Nuts #6" were the best. I don't know where this man's passion for candied nuts came from but he's had it since we met, though in the past month the problem has certainly escalated to a new level of caramelization. I asked him and he said he's trying to perfect it. Because, I think, perfect nut brittle is the key to world peace. If he doesn't come up with the ideal composition of nuts, butter, sugar and salt then perhaps the future of civilization will be in danger. This is the level of intensity and obsession to which my husband has succumbed. I just wish he'd stop adding cashews. I hate cashews.

My parents haven't set their alarm since the former catastrophe. Someone asked me about that last week. I think they're traumatized. My last post got me to thinking about the unbelievable number of bizarre animal names we've had in our family. I really wanted to share some with you. In the alarm post I listed the names of our cats, but we've also had a number of dogs throughout the years. We're animal lovers, although by some of the names we've given our pets you might think we hated the poor dogs and cats. Mostly, I blame this on my sister. Or at least my parents for letting my sister name our pets before she was able to form coherent sentences. We had a dog named Ragmop, another named Toots Louis. Toots Louis' wife was a white pomeranian named Deirde Ann, but that somehow morphed into Frying Pan, so we had a dog who actually answered to the name Frying Pan. Frying Pan, in yet another bizarre twist, ended up nursing the cat whose name was Purr Machine, which then eventually shortened into Purrma Jeanne because that was more feminine. Yes Readers, even our animals are weird. When I was about 11 and my sister was three my grandfather gave us two golden puppies and my parents let my sister name them. Puppy 1 became Buckles and Needles (because that is a name, right?) and Puppy 2 was Hearts and Sausages (in keeping with the Something AND Something that has nothing whatsoever to do with the first something theme). Calling the puppies was a hell of a mouthful. Then we moved into an apartment that wouldn't let us have five dogs so Ragmop, Hearts and Sausages and Buckles and Needles "went to a big farm with lots of other dogs."

Toots Louis and Frying Pan had puppies and we gave one to Aunt Kiki, who is just as ridiculous in naming her pets as we are, and what did she do? She let her daughters Alexis and Fallon name it. They named it Kiki and nothing we could do could convince them to not name the dog after their mother. This caused all sorts of confusion.

"Kiki DAMMIT! Don't you pee on that floor! No, not you, the dog!"

Sometimes it was the other way around.

Aunt Kiki currently has a dog named Poo-yayna (no idea but weird shit comes out of people's mouths when they're on Vicodin) and a cat named Kitty Robert.

We've also named a lot of our pets human names. My dad went on this back to his Israeli heritage kick and named two Dobermans Esther and Moishe. Moishe died last year. That name was a disaster. Can I just warn you now in case you too were considering naming your dog Moishe? It's a bad idea. For the 11 years of this dog's life no one except Orthodox Jews, who don't even like dogs, could pronounce his name. Most people called him "Mush." It got on my nerves. The name belongs to a Rabbi in Crown Heights, not on a Doberman who had a brain defect that caused him to have to walk around with a shock collar lest he try to kill someone unexpectedly.

In my last post I mentioned that we had a cat named Gray Kevin. Kevin was Purrma Jeanne's daughter but she looked like a boy so we gave her a boy's name. Then she started acting strangely and we felt badly about the name and tried to feminize it into Kevina, which was stupid, so we tried to shorten it to Kevvi, which also didn't work, so we went back to Kevin and she ran away. Cats are sensitive about what you call them.

When we first moved to Florida we got a Yorkie puppy and named it Scotty Andrew. Then the dog had an accident which left it with brain damage and my mother swore that it was unable to recognize a complicated name like Scotty Andrew, so she renamed him Gaga because she said he could understand that better. Gaga was a really dumb name for a dog and I was always embarassed to tell people he was called that. Poor Gaga, rest his soul. He passed on four years ago. He was 13.

I don't have to tell you all about the current dog Bomboclaat. You already know about that hot mess of canine dysfunction. Some of it has to be related to his name.

Now that my sister and I are adults we've tried to name our pets sensibly. She has a cat named Puss. When I lived in Atlanta I had a cat named Black Paloo, which made me feel a little odd, so we called him Blackie for short. It made me feel more normal. Comfortably boring even. He was, of course, black. Then I completely fell off the wagon and got a kitten and named it Peekytoe Johnson. It's a hard habit to break.

The only pet I have now is Canela, which means Cinnamon in Spanish. She is the color of many spices - brown and peach and speckled. Sometimes I lose my mind and call her Tuna Roll, which has somewhat to do with the fact that I taught her to roll over on command. First I called her Cinnamon Roll, then El Rollo and somehow it ended up as Tuna Roll and occasionally Tuna Salad. Last week I think I may have called her Stink Butt Fish Face once or twice.

I'd love to hear some more crazy pet names. I like Whiskey Marie's cat. Her cat never fails to crack me up. She named it Pooter. This makes me laugh because when Aunt Kiki's oldest daughter Alexis was little, Pooter was her nickname. I have a cousin named Pooter. In the South it translates to "Farter." We usually just called her Pootie. Other children teased her. I think to this day she isn't quite right because of it.

Make me feel better. Tell me your own crazy pet names in the comments section. I missed you all.

83 comments:

Anonymous said...

my sister had a dog they named mailbox and anothre one named pokie. mailbox passed a few years ago and now they have a new puppy that they named eightball. about the only wierd named animal we had was a cat we named got milk. we called him milk for short.

floridagirl said...

Welcome back! I enjoy your blog very much. In a weird way, makes me feel somewhat better about my family. :) ha ha

Whiskeymarie said...

Yet more evidence that we are cosmically intertwined:
I linked to you today too!
Even before I read this!
Spooky? or odd?

Anyways, I wanted to let you know that I FINALLY made that butterscotch budino recipe and holy crap it is/was good. I posted about it today.
I thank and curse you for the recipe.

JJ said...

I rescued two kittens who were born to their feral mother in the parking garage at work. When I took them home they hid behind the washer and dryer for a week. Hence Lavadora and Secadora (Lava and Seca for short).

Jean said...

In 1975 after our dog was hit by a car and the doctor pronounced her unable to get pregnant so why bother to fix her, she got pregnant. The doctor insisted she had indigestion... and after she gave birth to two puppies we named them -- Pepto and Bismal. Peppy and Bizzy.

Most of our cats today have very normal names. Full names. Their own full names. Tally -- short for Tallulah Grace Bellefontaine. Sammy -- Sammy J. Zuckerman. According to my husband, the J. stands for William.

I don't know why, but whenever I tell anyone this they laugh.

The worst name belongs to our calico... her name is Der Squinkle. Squinkie, Squinkle Pie... and then the Baby. We never did come up with a name for her and now she answers to the Baby.

Reb said...

Glad you are back, but I have nothing to compare for pet names. We had the usual Fluffy & Patches and a cat named Professor (he slept in the desk drawer). I guess Sibu (my current cat) has the strangest name. It is the name of a Hindu god or something, I can't remember, I just liked the sound of it & so did the cat.

Kristin said...

Two cats: Girlie and The Boy. Can we please have the recipe for Nuts #6?

Anonymous said...

YEAH!! You're back!! I check your blog like 4 times a day at least. (Yes I have a life, but it isn't nearly as interesting as yours!) Congrats on the job by the way. That sentence deserves and explanation point, but I think there are a few too many in this post as it is.

nicrogers said...

Well lets see. Growing up we had a beagle named Queenie. Then we got another dog, a lab that the previous owners had named Mindy (after Mork and Mindy) and we were like, OK, sounds good. So Mindy it was. I had a crazy dog who was one of Mindy's puppies that I named Tally Ho. Now we have two cats and a dog. The dogs name is Molly which is pefectly normal and actually a very popular dog name these days. My son named her. The cats were named by my daughter. The first cat was named Meow.Then my daughter got sick of that name and renamed it Princess. Then Princess started peeing on the sofa so the cat went to the Humane society and the sofa went to the dump. Then we got her another cat and she named it Sparkle because she was born on the 4th of July. She is kind of ugly though so sometimes she is called smoke or cinder. She is gray and, well just kind of ugly. Then we got her another cat. Well, this one is a long story. She wanted a kitten and her friends neighbor had a litter. So she went to the friends house and they each carried around a kitten and played with it all day. She named her kitten Toby Mac(cause you know that is such a great cat name).But unfortunately another neighbor let their put bull out and it grabbed the kitten right out of her hands and killed it. Talk about trauma! So she decided to take the other kitten (the one that lived) and she named him Tommy. I have no idea what she named it Tommy but I often call him little cat, baby or brat(because he always wakes me up by licking me in the face). So there you have it!Nowhere near as crazy as your pet names but still, there is a little bit of crazy clearly going on here.

Andria said...

Speaking of idiotic felonies- when I was in high school, one of the cheerleaders was arrested in K-Mart for shoplifting. The item? A 25 cent pack of gum. She slipped it in her pocket at the cash register. It was the funniest thing ever.

Hilary said...

My cats have fairly innocuous names.. Zephyr and Skittles, but I think that Nut Brittle would be a good name for your next cat, or as a classification for your incredible cast of characters. I've missed your wonderful tales of family and friends. Welcome back.

Anonymous said...

I grew up with two dogs, Whoops and Nicky but I called him Nicker Dicker Licker cause that is what he did mostly. My dog was named Tine (as in fork tine) but by the time she was 6 months and 80 pounds she became known to all as Tiny - the name really fit, think dumb, sweet and big. I've had dozens of cats, Pippy, Kermit, Zoe, Smoky, Esmeralda, Tasmania, Leo, Tinker, Lily Bart, Sarabina, George, Felix (known as Flix), twins named Blues and Jazz, Bogart, Bella, Mabel, Ezra but nary a fluffy butt in the bunch. Of course, we've just been adopted by a stray who we've named Petric Electric Bo-Betric (my son named him).

Funder said...

I have a Percheron (a VERY LARGE black horse) named Poppy. He came from his birthplace with that name, and we've speculated a lot about it. He has a white star on his forehead that looks kinda like a flower. And he's black, like a poppy seed. But personally, I think it's Poppy-like-the-opium-poppy, because he acts like he's stoned on Vicodin. :)

My first cat, a mackerel grey boy, was named Butterfly. Because that was my favorite word when he came wandering up. In my defense, I was 3.

Anonymous said...

My father named the dog Reggin(ree-genn) when I was a kid. I thought it was fine when I was a child, until I found out what it really meant (spell it backwards). Now, I hate to even admit it because it makes us sound like redneck trash.

Anonymous said...

well, growing up we had a dog named hutchy b/c she was adopted from the pound on the same day an ethan allen hutch was delivered to my parents. Then we got a parrot at the WYES Bid by phone action. The bird's name was Bid.

After we left home my parents had two parrots, Squawk (who squawked a lot) and Joker (who laughed) as well as a westie named Rob Roy McGreggor. After Rob, came a cairn terrier named Duffy. If Toto in the Wizard of Oz shared any of the personality defects of Duffy, then he probably did bite the neighbor, and maybe did need to be put down. We called Duffy "Cudjo". Their last dogs were Katie Scarlett O'hara and Riley. Katie was every bit the headstrong pain in the ass that THE Scarlett O Hara was.

My sister and i adoped a dog together. She was a born princess of a puppy, but it seemed kind of queer to call her that. We were calling her PUD for short, and were shamed into turning it into Puddin. But b/c she was a princess, she became MISS Puddin until the day she died.

Now we have Miss Gidget, Hammilton (Known as Honey Ham), and Roxie, (known as Rockhead.) We have a cat from Maricopa Cty animal humane - an all black cat named by them - KRISPY. We also have 8 parrots. Pooh bear was named for his favorite toy when he was in the incubator. Miss Peeper was named peapod, but refused to answer to anything until we somehow stumbled upon Miss Peeper. Comus McComus is a Mardi Gras bird. Bailey was named by his breeder, but we call him Baywee b/c thats how he says his name. Mackie the wonder parrot is named for a Bar. Verti is sort of a vertigris color, rae-ray is gender unknown and Gris Gris was abandoned in a parking lot and is named for a LA term for bad luck.

too much info? probably. but i skipped all of the nicknames that all of the critters ALSO answer to...

the Bag Lady said...

Boring pet names here. Tipper, because of the white tip on the end of her tail. She gets called Tipperoni quite a bit. And a cat named Tommy because, after all, he is a Tomcat. Acquired 2 kittens; one of them had long hair, so he was Fuzzy; naturally his sister became Wuzzy. Also had a cat named Flicka (pronounced fleeka) which is Swedish for girl.
Had a dog named Whiskey because her previous owners thought it was hilarious to get her drunk when she was a puppy. We rescued her, but had to be careful because if you set a beer down where she could reach it, she'd knock it over in order to drink it. It's hard to get a dog into a 12-step program....

JoeinVegas said...

I am always impressed with people's imagination - I can think in different directions, but just jumping out there, well. Our two dogs are Buster and Max, I think #3 and #1 on the most favorite dog names list.
And the nut brittle - do I forsee a new internet store coming up?

Epiphenita said...

Suburbia was our blond cocker spaniel. Named that for two reasons: one, that's where she lived (or so it felt to me) and two, Faux-Wood-Paneled-Stationwagon seemed cumbersome. Besides, Suburbia had a nice hispanical femininity to it.

When we got her a playmate, it seemed natural to call her Bourgeoisie. Bourgeois for short.

Anonymous said...

We fostered a greyhound called Bear, and ended up calling him Boo Baroo Dog-oo (greyhounds don't bark, they roo. And also, he's a dog ... oo).
My boyfriend has an orange dog called Indigo, but she also answers to Neckrolls Mcgee. And we often repeatedly ask "Is your name Lumpy? Hey! Lumpy! Is your name Lumpy?" for no other reason than it annoys her so much.
C.

clynne said...

My cat's name is Leopold Stokowski; the other one is named Izchak. Normal enough names, but probably inappropriate for cats because we mostly call them by their nicknames, "Leo" and "Izzy." We make up for this by lengthening our third cat's name from the sensible-enough "Sydney" that his previous owner gave him, to "Lord Sydney Pudgington."

Elise said...

The thing with my pets isn't that they START with weird names. It's just that whatever their names are, no matter how normal, they get all changed up and morphed into NEW names after they've been around for a while.

For example (bold denotes given name and evolves to name called presently):

Jill -> Jillie -> Jillian -> Dr. Jillian Vegetable -> Miss Jillz -> Missy -> Misstastic -> The Miss

Sophia -> Sophie -> Sophers -> Sophia Sophia Loren (yes, two Sophias) -> Sophanya -> Sophenie -> Steenie Steens

Lydah -> Lyds -> Lyders -> Lydeena -> Lyderro -> Lydanya -> LaDizz -> Lizzy - Lizard -> Lizzy Lizzy Liz or (on some occasions) Extra Special Four Times

So! Is that weird enough for you? Also, THRILLED you are LOST obsessed; will be emailing you sites you must read to fuel the obsession further.

Shari Ann said...

PinkToe Wilson
Nicky Dunn
Bub & Sophie MacMillan
(My cats all have to have last names.)

I missed you - I was worried that scary neighborhood guy had done something - then I'd have to come down and get Medieval on his buttocks.

UmmFarouq said...

Here in Jordan we've taken in several stray cats. The first one was William, then came Stinky Doo, then Romeo. Romeo had a bum leg but I visited him at his adopted family's home and now he is one dashingly handsome cat, even if he was born under an Amman dumpster.

I also owned a chihuahua named Sheba. She was a nut job and was very talented at digging through sheet rock.

Arwen said...

I'm not sure how weird these are but they definitely show how dorky I am... (these are all cats...)

Obi-Wan Kenobi (called Obi)
Bill and Hillary (called Bill Bill and Hill or Hilly)
Calista (called Calico even though she wasn't a calico)
Winnie the Poo and Tigger Too (called Tigger Too, then just Tigger)
Simba (somehow called Bubba most of the time... although my 2 year old calls him Puppy... sigh)

and one dog named Peppy (called Pepper, Pepsi or Peppy)

I'm retarded...

Anonymous said...

We used to have a pair of bloodhounds named Libby and Wilby.

Libby was short for "Liberty Belle."

Wilby's full name was "Justice Wilby Dunn"

(our last name is Dunn)

Anonymous said...

I inherited a cat from my bizarre Pentacostal sister-in-law who had named the poor bastard "Zacariah". That was a helluva mouthful so I renamed him "Bob".

Now, I come from a European country where cats go by "pussy" and female genitalia have the moniker of "fanny". I am appauled when I hear somebody actually *named* "Fanny", but I'm digressing.

Long story short, Bob would only answer to "Pussy". Try shouting *that* outside your home and see what sort of response you get.

~Maureen~

amy said...

I have a cat named Batty but we call him Monster to try to boost his confidence. He had a brother named Hoot. Hoot had big eyes as a kitten. Batty had big ears.

The first cat I ever got we named Scoops because my brother and I would come up behind her and scoop her up, and holler "Scoop!" No wonder she hated us.

When I was in college a cat adopted our house. He'd ring the doorbell to get in. If you ate sitting on the floor and he liked your food (he loved pizza and hot dogs) he'd hit you really hard on the back of your hand so you'd drop the food, and then he'd grab it. His name was Captain Goofball. It was really embarrassing to take him to the vet.

Anonymous said...

My neighbors have a Beagle they intended to name Freckles. However, as their 3 young kids couldn't quite pronounce that, the dog is now called Fuckles.

"Come here, Fuckles! That's a good girl..."

Cinderella of the Law Library said...

I had a pet frog named stupid for a few years. Then he got kind of mean (biting my hand and eating all the fish in the aquarium) so we had to get rid of him. My brother had a thing for naming his fish Bert & Ernie. Everytime he got new fish that was what their names were.
My puppy I got a few months ago I named Alice. But her name is not for Alice in Wonderland as people seem to think. I named her for the song "Alice's Restaurant" by Arlo Guthrie...Speaking of which, your brother's garbage dumping issue is sort of like part of the story of the song, dumping garbage somewhere and getting arrested for it...

Anonymous said...

All right, let me help you out here with the weird pet names. We used to have a cat who was not quite right in the head--his mother gave up trying to teach him anything early on because of it--whom we named "Igor Head." A few years later we had a dog show up while we, in an impoverished state, were having a meal whose main course was pork neckbones. The dog loved the things, so to this day over ten years later he is called "Neckbone" or worse, for short: "Boner." Recently we had a cat show up whom my wife was compelled to name "Twinkletoes," and soon after another puppy decided to move in. The limp he had when he first showed up made me call him "Stump" but once we realized from the evidence of our yard full of shredded items--anything he could get to, basically--we began calling him "Chewie." He answers to this.

A Margarita said...

Hershey! Like the chocolate. Not that crazy.

Gina said...

Our animal's names don't start out crazy, they sort of morph. We had a cat that started as Z-bot, whihc because Baby-Z, then Puss, then Pussty (and sometimes Pusstine, since he would slink around like a showgirl - although male).

We now have a cat named Angus, but he often goes by Merle. And sometimes Fat Fattylumpus.

Our dog Cosmos was more often called Mosey, and Rocky is sometimes Throckmorton Aloysius III.

My very first dog was Tinkers. I wanted to name him Reefer (the name of his father - pet of local teens) and couldn't understand why my parents wouldn't let me. Then I wanted Tinkerbell, but since he was male, they talked me into Tinkers.

Noodles said...

Our one eared redhaired cat? Vincent (a la Van Gogh). Hiperactive fluffy blue eyed crazy cat? Flipperkast. That's dutch for pinball machine.

Anonymous said...

Let's see...my family pets were never really named anything too crazy. We had Wilbur the grey spotted, white rabbit & Fig Newton ("Figgie" for short) the fatso tabby tomcat. But my grandma had an orange tabby cat that everyone called Bungie as in "Bung Hole". I think that's got to be the best one in my family.
-Tamryn

sqd said...

my roommate and i have pet rats named edward and albus, and they are girl rats.

Melisa said...

In my house, since I've been there...

Dogs...

Current
Lisa
Cuppie (short for Cupcake)
Bombis (short for Bom-bom)

(yes, there was a food theme with the two puppies)

Deceased
Tessy
Pompona (Pom-Pom in Spanish)
Dukie (yes, like poo - short for Duke)
Ducesa (Spanish for Duchess {she acted like Dukie's little sister})
Alex
Crystal (Rotweiler)
Princess (Rotweiler)


Cats ...

Current

Einstien
Pucci (I tried to give the cat a cuter name, but he only answered to Pucci... sometimes we call him Pucci-nator)

Desceased
Mamu (originally named Domino {He was all black with a white belly and a black dot in the middle of his chest})

Maven of Marketing said...

My current cats are named Snowball Bon-Bon White Devil Wolverine and Intrepid Explorer Apollo Creed. Snowy and 'Pollo for short.

Chiada said...

My first dog was named Mindy. She was a pit bull and I have no idea why my parents got a pit bull when they had two little kids. Mindy was not mean, though. But she was crazy and wanted to be in the house so much that she ate the screen door and the molding around the door, trying to get in. My parents gave her to my Grandpa who had a junk yard and other dogs whose names all began with M and so Mindy became a junk yard dog. Until someone stole her.

Then we had Muffin, a white cock-a-poo mix. Yes, that's a real dog. But it's a mutt, basically. She lived to be about 13. Her nick names were Muffy, Muffy-Muff, Muffer, and Muff-Muff.

We also had Bootsie, a little brown Chihuahua with white feet. She came with that name, though. We called her Booter sometimes or The Bootster.

Next was Sitka, an American Eskimo Dog. We named her that because we pulled out the Atlas and started looking for names of towns in Russia or Alaska or Canada: cold places. We saw Sitka and liked it, so there you go. I like to call her Siggy for some reason. Or Siggy Piggy.

The only cat we had as kids was a stray and we first thought he was a girl, so I named him Lizzie Kitty. After finding out he is a boy we changed his name to Leo. Leo still meows out on the front porch and basically lives there with his bed, food, and water. He is very old now. Maybe 15 or older. My little sister always called him Woo-Woo. And Bootsie she called Boo-Boo.

Hub-E and I had Chloe given to us. She was the best dog ever: our Dalmatian baby. My sister named her. Unfortunately she died recently after being hit by a car since she was deaf. That's been tough. I got into a habit of calling her My Little Boo-Boo, I think because she was like my little baby, and Love Bug, Little Bean, and Cuddle Bug.

We also have Rayna, a Border Collie mutt who came with that name when we adopted her. I call her Rayna-Rayna or I sing her little songs where I insert her name into the lyrics and say it over and over again. Like instead of the "Money money money! Money!" song I sing "Rayna Rayna Rayna! Rayna!"

And we have Kirin, the cat. We also thought he was a girl at first and called him Kyra after Kyra Sedgwick because he looked alot like our friend's cat who is named Edie after Edie Sedgwick. Well, after finding out that Kyra is a boy, we changed his name to Kirin. I wanted to name him Bagheera like on the Jungle Book, but Hub-E didn't like it. I call him Woo-Woo and My Little Boy.

Last week we adopted a little Boston Terrier mutt puppy who came with the name Lucy. Hub-E didn't like it because it's too "average" so we named her Reese instead because she has brindle fur that reminds us of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. So far she's also known as Reesie and Reesie-Sweetie.

Hub-E had interesting animal names as a kid: Marvin Dingo (a cat), Snoopy (a dog), Baron Von Long Hairn (cat), L.B. (for Little Bear - a dog), and others.

My aunt and uncle had a huge German Shepherd that I always thought was named Katie. Turns out it was K.D. for Killer Dog. Even though it was a nice dog.

That is all. Sorry for the long comment. (But not that sorry!)

Dave said...

My parents allowed me to name our dog when I was 4 years old, but apparently I wasn't very imaginative, because the worst damage I could do was name a purely black dog "Cocoa"

None of our other pets have terribly strange names, though we try to keep them funny. Growing up we had a doxie named Strudel (because she was German and sweet). I hope to have another I will name Rommel.

Though I have to admit, sometimes the most plain names you can come up with are the funniest. My grandfather had a dog named "Fred" which, for some reason, still strikes me as absolutely hilarious.

morrigoon said...

My first two dogs had the fairly normal names of Buffy and Rusty.

My current dog, a miniature dachshund, is the one with all the strange nicknames. His real name is Barnum (like PT Barnum), but he usually answers to variations of Poopy-Doops, Poops, Barnum-Poopy, etc. Things don't get truly strange until my boyfriend and I start singing to my dog, fitting his "name" into various popular songs.

Growing up my brother had a basenji who was very fat. Her name was Bess, but we also called her Piggus Caninus. This is the same brother who calls Barnum "Smeagol". Another brother calls him "Worm".

I did once talk my niece into naming her dog "Discount". Actually to this day I still think it was a cute name, even if it was odd.

Estelle said...

When I was a kid, we had a cat named Muggy. Later, two labs, named Kasha (she was brown, like kasha) and Boris. This cause some confusion whenever we had kasha for dinner. Now, I have four cats, Face, Winzig, Mama, and Taj. Face was the cutest kitten, so we named her Face. Now, she is crazy like the character Face from the A Team. Winzig means tiny in German, and he is HUGE. Mama was Sparkplug, but then he gave birth, so we had to rename him Mama. Taj is inspired by that Tiger Island off the coast of Australia.

Next, we want a Beagle like doggie. We're going to name it either Napoleon, because I've always been obsessed with the man. Or L'il Fucker, because that's hilarious. And I want to hear my mother calling out L'il Fucker lovingly.

Anonymous said...

Love your blog, WB missed u
here is my list
Cats
Nixie ( named after a water nymph )
Ash
Grace
Chippie
Athena
Mary Jane
Hera
Ash and athene and MJ is not with us anymore

Dogs
Taxi
Mona Lisa
Venus
Trix
Venus and Taxi is also in pet heaven

And lastly our parrot - Birdy

Architect Critic said...

Nicrogers, Toby Mac is a great name for a cat. (Toby Mac is a popular Christian musician, formerly of DC Talk.)

My current pet is a deaf dog named Ace - we didn't name her she came to us with that name. But since she's deaf, it doesn't really matter what you call her. So, we sometimes call her Poop Doggy Dogg or Princess when she's well behaved.

I have a history with deaf animals. When I was a kid we had a white-haired blue-eyed deaf cat named Crazy. We called her that because she was always attacking things that weren't there (or at least that we couldn't see.)

My mom is a professional groomer and breeder of show dogs, so we always had a ton of dogs around. The first one I claimed as my own was a Borzoi named Poseidon. My brother has a beagle named Bangle. We've had so many I can't remember most of them. . .

Born-Again-Vegan said...

we have a male dog (golden & catahoola leopard hound mix- yeah) whom we named Flour. Like Whole Wheat Flour. My hubby BoB wanted to name him something that wouldn't make him seem like a ninny calling it out at the dog park. Needless to say - Flour sounds exactly like Flower. So- no go on the not looking completely silly yelling out "FLour!! Flour!!" while chasing an 80 pound light brown golden eyelashed cutesy doggie. Har har har.

Anonymous said...

We had a foundling mutt when I was little. For the life of me I can't remember his original name, but he had a habit of wiping his butt on the carpet by sitting down and scooting with his front legs. For fourteen years we called him ass wipe.

Michelle said...

We have 2 cats~Dammit and Monkey and a defective Chinese Crested with no mop-top named Dobbie.
Glad your back!

Charlotte said...

I'm so glad you're back! I missed the craziness.
Btw, I agree with you 100% on the n-word thing.

Chris said...

OMG - You're opening a can o' worms here!

Cats we had:
-White Cat & Yellow Cat (my mother gave boring names)
-Mother Cat who morphed into Pickle Eyes, Pick for short
-Pumpkin who morphed into Twinkie because he was fat and yellow with a little white spot on his chest that looked like creme filling. That turned into Twinkle Toes.
-Stretch
-Allistair aka Sir Puffy Pants and Bloomer Butt
-Tony aka Spaghettio
-Moe aka Moesley
-Baron Mowser

Dogs we had:
-Beagalle (was a beagle)
-Flowy Tail
-Jessie aka Juicy aka Sneezle Pump
-Rapp
-Wilbur aka Willy, Swilly, Swill-Butt, Sir Stinks-a-lot, Mr. Stinky (he was a coon hound and he reeked)
-Ticket (our current dog) aka Tickee Louise, Banana-Tickee-Rutabaga-Buggaweez, Weez, The Weez, Banana Bug, Nana Bug, Peanutbutter Smoothie.

I grew up on a small farm. We had sheep. Mine was named Airplane because it's ears stuck out and my sister named hers Polka Dot Sweet Dreams. We had several geese and chickens that all had funny names - Jen, Mick, Ree, Phil, Virgil, Blackie, etc. Virgil used to ride the handlebars of my bike. He was a she, actually.

So there ya go! :)

Anonymous said...

A dog (re-)named Pooper....guess why? He answers to Poo Bear, Super Pooper, Sir Poops a lot, etc.

Chris said...

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you our most recent chicken names. We had 2 hens and a rooster. The rooster one hen used to hang out together so we named them Sam and Ella (Get it? Salmonella? Chicken? LOL) The other hen I named Princess Layer. Of course up here in New England nobody pronounces their Rs and if there isn't an R they put one in. Don't get me started. I hate the accent here, and I'm a native. So I would say her name was Princess Layer and they thought I was saying Leia, like in Star Wars, which was kind of the pun.

Anonymous said...

Some names we have had for animals
Lollipop Kid ( Trouble child like in Wizard of Oz) became Poppy.
Geronimo, Mo or Monster
Scooter- fast little cat
Little Devil- obvious reason
Sofie- actually because she kept hiding behind the sofa as a kitten
Trouble- You name it, she did it
Miss Furball
Stache- has half a mustache
Zippy
And her twin, Twinny.(Brilliant name!)
Killer Bee- Just died at age 16
Wally_ Prince of Wales, English Springer Spanial
Shoney- Foothills Fashion, Morgan horse

Chris (again) said...

Maureen's comment reminded me that when we got our cat Moe, he came from a Pentecostal couple too, and they had named him "Ecclesiastes".

Mimble said...

My parents have named our pets pretty normal names (Boone, Elwood, Dodge) but I think the best (and strangest name) goes to my friend Megan who named her cat Ouchy von Biterson. "The last of the noble von Biterson line." according to her.

Anonymous said...

I named him Oz originally, but our cat goes by Spin Cycle or Kitty Meow these days (no idea). Our dogs are Cooper Schmidt (Cooper S*** when he's been eating paper again..) and Beluga, who often goes by Belu, Baby Beluga, or just Lucy (and everything in between). I call my horse Buckethead.

We once had an english bulldog named Dudley, but we called him The Man, or Manny because he was the only unfixed animal haha.

onthegomom said...

Glad you are back. Since you have been gone I went back and read all of your past posts, in a non-stalker kind of way, I swear.

We have a cat, my daughter named him Puddles. She was 6 when we got him. He answers to Puddle-Pooh mostly. Which also turns into Pooh-Bear or when I am mad at him Puddles Allen (I have no idea why, it just sounded good together when I was mad).

I live in Iowa, your teaching job will be onsite or online? Iowa weather is vastly different than Floridas, is all I'm saying... :-)

TwistedNoodle said...

My pets had traditional names but a friend of mind has a cat and when we first became friends and I asked what her cats name was she replied, "Fuckhead". I didn't believe her and then a couple of months later I saw a reminder card from the vets office sitting on her kitchen table and it said "Fuckhead is due for his rabies vaccination, please call for an appointment". Now that they have small kids they call him George.

Caroline said...

I love naming pets after food so i've had a rabbit named Carrots, rats named Peaches and Strawberry, and a ferret named Noodle. So my pug is named Miso. Her full name evolved to Miso Uggles McBonkBonk. She has many many nicknames but mostly i call my pets Bubs or Butts.

Anonymous said...

My first naming was my stuffed animal, a dog named Taking To The Waters. He was followed by a real dog, Belker, my dad's dog Abel (our name is Cain) a chicken named Hopsing (chicken in chinese) a cat named mowmee (cat) my brother tried to name his cat Shades but it was renamed Buushri (cat in the local Indian dialect) the names become more normal as time goes on.

luvpumpkns said...

I tried to name my cat Falkor (the flying dog from The Neverending Story). This name never fit her, so she ended up being named...Kiki!

Nanci said...

Oh my gosh! My Aunt always called me 'Pooter', and yes it totally means "farter" in Southern...

I have a cat named "wolves" because she is part bobcat but looks more like a wolverine and that seems to long to always call so we shortened it to "woooves".

I also had a cat named "Smooshie" because her face was kinda smooshed in...she was really cute! I have a lot of other names as well, Muffy, Pearly, Kitty, Wooves, Smooshie amoung numerous others....oooh and a hampster named "Nutcracker"...I told you I am guinely part of the family...I fell into the family bush and fell alseep and was to comfy to move out. I love ya'll! Hope that you have a great day! P.S. What are the details about U of Iowa????

Anonymous said...

many pets over the years with mostly normal names: Muffy, Griselda, Penelope, Buck, Tiny, Conan (as in Sir Arthur ___ Doyle, not the Barbarian), Speedy, Gimpy (ok, maybe that is pushing it), but my brother did name one of our cats Tough Luck Motorcycle (Tuffy for short).

Kore said...

Our current resident animals have names from the TV show Rome. The cats are the aristocracy, of course. They are Cleopatra and Caesar. Our dog is the plebian Titus Pullo. If we get another dog anytime soon he/she will probably be Lucius Vorenus or Eirene, depending on whether we get a boy or a girl.

We've fostered some dogs for a retriever rescue group and they've all had Hawaiian names: Lani, Pua, and Anuhea. These names aren't weird unless you don't know any Hawaiian. It's a crack-up to hear our foster coordinators pronounce them, especially Anuhea (no you really can't call her "anus" for short). The truth is I named the foster dogs after girls that I hated in high school. This has totally redeemed those names for me.

My son has a stuffed dog named Dave. That's probably the weirdest pet name I've come across.

Anonymous said...

My cat Jackie was originaly Jack Henry. We got him at a pound when I was in 6th grade, he was really sick- he seezed a HUGE snot chunk on my face when we met him. He was really nice at first, but then I think we figured out that he had a brain injury after he started to bite us after snuggling with us. He is now called Jack the ripper because he loves SHRED paper if left unattended on your bed. Also called Crazy boy, because he will race arround the house and do 360 spins in the air. Our other cat Cassidy is called fluffy, because she is stupid and pretty, and only ever wants you to brush her and give her cat nip.

not too original, but hey!
Good to see you back!

Boomer said...

I named our cats Ursula and Patrick, but you'd think I'd named them Satan and Cthulhu from the reaction of friends.

What's wrong with giving cats human names? Besides, they're apt: Ursula looks just like a bear: round head, round eyes, no neck, small ears.

Patrick I named after St. Patrick, a nonviolent adventurer. That fits Patrick to a tee -- he wouldn't hurt a fly, but he's game for anything and afraid of nothing.

Anonymous said...

I had a cat name The Potato. Her mother was also her grandmother and her father was her brother... she's not right in the head, and she lives with my ex

Last Minute Lyn said...

we had a cat named Rush Limbercat and no we were not ditto heads

Last Minute Lyn said...

I almost forgot when Rachael was little she named her cat Kyle Petty and we ended up calling him Mr. Petty.
We are not big race fans but we did live in NC at the time and I guess it just rubbed off.

shaggy said...

we had a dog with a normal name: Shady. What wasn't normal was that she also answered to shads, spady, spads, spadro, spadrokentucky, spider, spidermonkey, shmoo, shmoogoo and psycho.

Anonymous said...

We had sooo many dogs growing up, but my favourites were Elvis, a white bull terrier, and Alfie, a small terrier (who was, sadly, killed by a car when we were kids).
Nowadays, my partner's chihauhau answers to 'Rat' even though his given name is Chuck, and my stepson named his cat Shitface (imagine how THAT looked on the letter from the vet!!) but she only answers to Miss or Miss Meow or Meow Meow.

TK said...

Also glad you're back, because while your family doesn't make mine seem anywhere near normal, yours is a whole lot funnier!

I'm with the people who's animals names morph. I had a horse named Shenandoah by the previous owner that got shortened to Shannon and then Sean, and a pony that went from Spot Check to Injun to Pony, and my last horse who went from Sport to Snort, but none of those a reach. An Amazon parrot went from Bandit to Bandito to Bandito Pie to Piewacket, but she called herself 'Dito Pie.
The dogs however: we had one sweet big dog that went from Jasmine to Jazzy to Jazz to Jazzy Boo to Boo to B to Beez to Beezer. Then my Mom insisted on calling her Beezerbaum, which I hated. The dog answered to all of them. I swore I wouldn't let that happen to the new pup, named Bogart. Of course everyone else called him Bogie, which I also didn't like, so I called him Bubba, now it's Bug short for Love Bug, sometimes it's Buggedy Boo or Pup-A-Luppa, or Puppa-Luppa-Loopa. But whenever he needs to mind, his name is Bogart and he always answers to it.

Primates are very vocal creatures! ;)

JoAnne said...

Ha! My daughter was Pooter (almost exclusively) from nearly birth until she was about 2. Even now (nearly 15) I call her Pootie Pie more often than not. But not in public. Well, almost never in public.

No really wierd names for pets. We would name puppy litters in themes, though: Plato, Socrates, Aristotle; White Shep, Black Shep, Spotted Shep, etc. And then we had Sandusky and Murphy McGillicuddy. No theme there, just long names.

Now we have a chihuahua named Maisie and a tiger-stripe cat named Sophie. Maisie is MaisieDoodle, Schmaisie, Meema, Meebadee, or TeenyTinyHead. Sophie is SophieDoodle, SophieSophers, Sophanator, or Loveycat.

jmm said...

I have named my kitten "Alfalfa Ricecake CheeseDoodle". We do call him Alfie most of the time. Here's a link to a picture of him.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/16855383@N03/2210642786/

JoAnne said...

Ok, I forgot some. For Maisie there's also MaisieMoodle, Moodela, and Mama; for Sophie there's SophieBibbles, Bibbalicious, and BibbyCat or BibbyKitty.

I'm sure they're confused, but they know I give kisses and they always come running. Well, the cat only comes running from outside when you call her. In the house, she won't come if you call...but if you rub your thumb against your first two fingers, she will. And Maisie will howl if we do it first.

Anonymous said...

Two french cats called - Moet and Chandon. Of course.

Anonymous said...

I have no pets, however, I just read that Survivor contestant Kathleen Sleckman has a dog named "Wilson Von Barkypants"

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor16/bio/kathleen/bio.php

Sammi said...

I had a dog named Corona--we didn't name her, and Mums insisted that we call her Corey.

And now we have Nit-Nit. Her original name was Nit-Noy (sp?), which is Laotian for "Little Bit". Somehow that evolved into Nit-Nit.
Me personally, I call her Fluffy Butt or Fuzzface.

Kerri said...

As a kid my cat was Cindy Snowball and the collie was named Drakewood's Front Page News...We called him Page.

When the hubby and I got two brother cats we named them Neal and Bob...and the hubby insisted on calling them in that order. I called Neal "Grayson" because I thought it was a little more dignified.
We also had a rabbit named Rabberto aka Bob.

When we moved to Germany we were given two cats. The first we named Mrs. Adora Butterworth...When she died we got a condolence card from the Vet. that made it sound like we lost our syrup.
The other cat was Ollie the Magic Bum...The hubby had been playing too much Tony Hawk 3 on XBOX when we got him.
My next animal will be named Declan Monkey no matter what.

miriam said...

Our all-time favorite cat was called Tobermory, after a talking cat in a story by Saki.

A friend had a coal black cat called Stokely.

Anonymous said...

Our black Lab: Sid, short for Obsidian which is a black stone.

My orange tabby: Fritz aka Mr. Fritzenkitter

My obese black cat was Jack. Then i gave him to my gay friend and he became Jaqueline kitty O'Nassis

My skinny black cat was originally Samuel L. Blackson named by my brother. I call him Sammikins or just Sam.

My husband found and brought home a two week old abandoned kitten. His full name is Sir Walter "Squirrel-boy" Peabody Pantaloons. I worry for our future pets.

Yerba Buena said...

Mine's lame. We had a guinea pig named Reba. Yeah. After the country singer. In my defense, we got her when I was nine.

crimsonwhiskey said...

Growing up I had a horse named Dixie Dun It. Then the next one was just Skeeter but I alwasy called her "bug". There was a lil pony stalled nxt to her that I never knew her name but affectionately called Cupcake.

I had a pet rooster named Jen - cuz I didn't know HIS sexual orientation until he already answered to the name Jen. And yes, roosters answer to names. Kind of.

My best friend had a ball python named Boots. I never figured that one out.

I've had pet mice named Fred, Fred's wife (very original) & Buttons.

Cats have been everything from Peaches, Pretty, Spice, Tori, Tink, Tigger, Bug (this cat ate bugs, it made sense), Skunk (Bug's sister who had a white mark down her siamese face that made her look like her name sake), Thomas (not short for Tom Cat - but rather Thomas the Train), Sponge Bob Square Pants, and a gamet of other cartoon caracters. Personally, my favorite was PITA, which my mother never told me stood for Pain In The Ass until the cat was dead for many years.

I worked at a vet clinc for 3 years. I cannot even begin to name off some of the crazy ass shit that came through there...

Currently, our only pets are two very hateful dwarf hamsters named Gracie & 'Lil Roxie.

Fae_Rhie said...

the cat i had growing up - we had to put him down this week :( - i named Crazy. this happened because i couldn't decide on a name for him and kept referring to him as 'that crazy cat!'. i kept on not being able to decide on a name so his full name ended up being:

Lazy Crazy Socks Ferocious Critter Turnip Fat Cat-in-the-Hat Thomas O'Malley The Alley Cat. yes, really.

forgottenranger said...

A ginger tabby alley cat that adopted us. a ginat fluffbal of nervous cuddles.

What did we call it?

Bacon Sandwich. Of course.

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