Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Oh I Almost Forgot - The Green Eggs and Matzo Because Ham Isn't Kosher

I can stand the prunes. I can stand the flanken, the boiled chicken and ok well, not the fish, but this needs to stop now and no one in my family will listen to me. You are not supposed to boil eggs for three hours until they turn a dark and dismal shade of army helmet green. This is really not ok and everyone in my family, including my own parents boils the ever loving crap out of their eggs. Look, this poor egg has been cooked for so long that even its white has turned brown. I didn't even know that was possible. The egg looks like a science experiment. I remember in 8th grade Chemistry we cooked some sulphur to see it turn from yellow to greenish-gray. This was fascinating to a bunch of thirteen year olds who loved sulphur because of its seemingly unlimited potential for "who farted" jokes, but for some people who just want a decent meal, it's really not acceptable. Eggs aren't chemistry experiments. Eggs need to stay yellow people. Ok? All you have to do to boil a daggoned egg is to put it in water, bring it to a boil, turn it off and let it sit in the pan of hot water for about ten minutes. That's it. Please, if anyone that I am related to is reading this, I implore you desperately to follow my directions and don't make me eat or have to even look at another hard boiled egg that is so overcooked that not a single spot of yellow remains in the yolk. Please.


1smileygirl said...

My relatives don't believe me about the not-boiled-for-3-hour eggs either. They won't even try it the right way! I hated making eggs for years because I learned from them how to boil eggs to a literal death. When I finally figured out the correct way it was such a relief! How sad is that?

Green said...

Next year please come to SF. We make many of the same foods, but just ... so much BETTER.

I will shove a tissue up my sleeve and yell at you to eat more and put on a sweater, so you feel right at home.

Wide Lawns said...

I have long elaborate fantasies about being in San Francisco, not just on Passover, but all year round. If I ever move there I will go to yoga classes with you Green.

Reb said...

I never knew it was even possible to get eggs to turn that colour! Yeah, I have seen a tinge of green around the edges, but OMG!

Laura said...

Thanks for sharing the Passover food pictures...your writing described everything perfectly, but still, it's always fun to see pictures of gross food!

JoeinVegas said...

We were Catholic, and my mother also boiled eggs for three hours until they turned green, so it isn't a strictly Jewish tradition. But it made for some loverly egg salad sandwiches.
I'll have to write about our Christmas Eve meal to compensate for yours.

NeekoalinAZ said...

Oh dear Lord...please say that is not true! You did NOT eat that!

Caroline said...

Evidently, you haven't seen the 18 day old egg that is apparently a delicacy in hong kong, with a partially grown chick inside. Now that was just about the most vile egg I'd ever seen. Even more vile is that people actually eat it.

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