Tuesday, January 15, 2008

At Least It's Only Once a Year

Today I'm paying a stranger to dig around in my crotch and stick metal things in it. No, I'm not getting an exotic piercing (once I had a roommate with what I used to call a pee-pee ring and she showed it to everyone, literally, everyone). I am going to the gynecologist. I am about halfway to a full blown, massive anxiety attack over this because I hate going to the gynecologist. Hate it. It's right up there with flying and puking and going to the gym. Hell for me would be a naked stairmaster on a turbulent flight with no dramamine.

I'm just going for that yearly checkup thing you're supposed to get. Nothing's wrong and to all of my anxious family members, I AM NOT PREGNANT DAMMIT. With my dislike the of OBGYN pregnancy would be a nightmare. I imagine it partly as rooms full of strangers inserting their entire arms into my Hoo-ha and all looking at it and making decisions about it and using a bunch of annoying words like "dilation."

Part of the reason I go to the gynecologist, besides that you're supposed to, is to aggravate my mother who has never once ever been. Can you imagine? It's always horrified me. Part of the insanity that's rampant on my mother's side of the family is a paranoid phobia of doctors and my mother definitely has it the worst. As long as I've been alive my mother has really and truly never been to the doctor. My parents have never had health insurance. I never had health insurance growing up and they never took me to the doctor or dentist either, although they did take me to get braces and followed up with about two other orthodontist appointments after that so I had braces on my teeth for three years that didn't do a single thing. At the end of tenth grade I got fed up with having hardware in my mouth for no reason and took pliers and wire cutters and removed them myself. I fear that had I not done that I still may have had those braces on right now.

Growing up without health insurance is stressful because you have to be extra careful. I wasn't allowed to do certain things like ski or go on my school's overnight camping and riverrafting trips because I could break my arm or get a concussion and cause my family to starve to death and have to live in a refrigerator box on the streets of the Bronx. If I got sick I had to suffer because my mom wouldn't or couldn't take me to the doctor for medicine. Her overblown distrust for the medical community, paired with poverty and lack of insurance was a horrible combination, but due to her PhD in hypochondria, my sister and I were treated to sporadic (because my parents were never good with consistency or sticking to plans) and downright weird homeopathic remedies designed to prevent illnesses and make us specimens of fine health. Some of these things were part of multi-level marketing schemes.

Once a friend of my parents came over selling these big white bottles of some mystery liquid called "Km" that was supposed to do everything from curing cancer to eradicating canker sores. It allegedy cured insomnia, anemia and tuberculosis and you could supposedly even rub it on poison ivy. Brochure upon brochure advertised all of the possible miraculous uses for this stuff. Douche with it! Use it as a mouthwash and watch halitosis disappear! And then there was the line that sealed my sister's and my fates - Prevents Childhood Illnesses!! Well that was it. My mom bought cases of it and every night my sister and I had to stand in front of the refrigerator as my mother poured us each a general tablespoon of the thick, black liquid. It was so bad I still remember the exact taste of it - a combination of black jelly bean, tar, bandaids and Tylenol. My sister and I would cough and gag and make a big fuss but every single night for about a year, which was record for doing anything consistently in our family, we had to drink this mess.

For fun I just googled to see if the stuff was still around and on a website called quackwatch.com, I find this as proof that I am not making this up, especially the part about the taste:

"Matol Botanical International, a Canadian firm, markets Km, a foul-tasting extract of 14 common herbs. Km was originally marketed as Matol, which was claimed to be effective for ailments ranging from arthritis to cancer, as well as for rejuvenation. Canada's Health Protection Branch took action that resulted in an order for the company to advertise only the product name, price, and contents. In 1988 the FDA attempted to block importation of Matol into the United States. However, the company evaded the ban by adding an ingredient and changing the product's name. The product literature acknowledges that Km has never been tested for effectiveness against any disease and states that distributors should not diagnose or recommend its products for any specific disease."

And oh my Lord Readers, they still sell it even and it's still in the same white bottles with orange letters that I remember. Here is its website. God help us and if any of you order this mess I'm coming after you. It was awful and if I recall correctly I still got bronchitis that year and may have even had strep, so it really didn't prevent any childhood illnesses in me.

But back to the topic at hand. I have to go to the gynecologist, my ultimate act of rebellion against my mother who is appalled that I would do such a thing in the way that normal mothers are appalled when their daughters dye their hair blue and sleep with guys in bands. My mother thought it was cool that my high school boyfriend was in a punk band, whose big song to play at house parties and high school talent shows, was "Jodie's Poodle", and was about a girl named Jodie who had a poodle that got run over by a car and kicked or something. My mother also liked when I colored my hair. She did not approve when I first, after an excruciating bladder infection, went to the doctor. She nearly disowned me when I took antibiotics for it.

I remember the first time I got a job that had health insurance. I felt like I was rich. I felt like I had actually won the lottery and I went on a small spree of going to the doctor just because it felt privileged and posh and very high class to me. The thrill wore off pretty quickly thank heavens or I might have ended up with Munchausen's.

Now, I've struck a balance. I go to the doctor when I have to. It makes me feel like a responsible person to get my yearly Pap smear, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it. I still have a lot of my mother in me and I become nervous and frightened before an appointment.

Part of my terror has to do with some kind of Puritan modesty that takes over only when I go to the gynecologist. You can ask any of the guys I've dated and they'll tell you how very modest I'm not. Ask the doctor and he'd swear I was actually a fundamentalist Baptist who calls her vagina her "EVIL PLACE" down there.

I put more effort into my personal grooming and hygiene to go to the doctor more than I did before a date. I actually worry that I may have missed a spot shaving my legs or that I have a pimple on my butt that the doctor and his assistant, the sexual harassment preventer, might see and later laugh about with the office staff. I worry a lot about pubic hair. Did I shave enough? What if I shaved too much and they think I'm a freak? Are parts of it prickly? Do I have some kind of razor burn that they might mistake for a raging case of herpes? Did I trim right? Does my thing look like everyone else's? What if it doesn't? Does it look like it piranhas attacked it? Oh my God do I have a defective crotch? And what if I smell bad?

I shower for about an hour before I got and I use so many products that I smell like Bath and Body Works erupted and I was drowned in the resulting scented lotion flow. I use spray and perfume. I put on makeup and I even wear especially pretty underwear. It's a big deal. Just like going on a date, I swear. Please tell me I am not the only neurotic woman who goes through all of this.

Part of the reason I do this, I think, is because I do have a little sympathy for the doctor and the assistant. Can you imagine the amount of nasty, infected vaginas they have to spend their days looking at? I shudder to think at what these poor people have seen and I just don't want to ever be a part of the nasty crotch group.

Aside from the anxiety, I rather enjoy my gynecologist's office. It's downright opulent in there and looks like the lobby of the Ritz Carlton with tassles and brocade, orchids and real paintings. You have expect a maid in a lacy cap to bring you high tea when you sit down, it's that foofy. He shares his office with another doctor and they have the lobby divided into two sides. For a long time I couldn't figure out why my doctor's side was always empty and the other doctor's side was always packed with women of all ages, pregnant, not pregnant, pubescent and menopausal, all messing with their hair and applying lipgloss before their appointments. Then I saw the other doctor and understood. My doctor looks like someone's Dad who plays golf and likes to sing 80s songs on karaoke. The other doctor is HOT. I mean, seriously, movie star hot like he stepped right out of Nip/Tuck or ER or Grey's Anatomy. And he is young and has an equally gorgeous and glamourous African wife who looks like Erykah Badu and wears tall head wraps and gowns of spice colored kente cloth.

I'm relieved that my gyno isn't the hot one. I actually have a fear that my doctor will have to rush off for an emergency C-Section and the hot doctor will have to examine me, which would make me feel all the more self-conscious and defective crotched. Perhaps I fear I might enjoy my examination too much. I don't know. I'd just have a really hard time explaining to the Hot Doctor that I have a mysterious discharge, whereas with my doctor it all seems a lot easier. I guess because my doctor fits into my prescribed image of what a doctor really looks like and Hot Doctor is, well, just hot. Really hot. I wish you could all see him because he is that hot.

Somewhere in my life I must have heard or read somewhere that you could have herpes and genital warts and not even know it. This is another terrible fear I have and I imagine terrible scenarios wherein I contracted something back in my more promiscuous era that hasn't shown itself until now. I have repeatedly asked the doctor, who clearly thinks I am insane, if this is possible and he keeps telling me it would have showed up long ago, but I just have this nagging fear that one day I'm going to wake up and bust out in herpes sores or warts or that the doctor's going to tell me I've actually had a furious case of syphilis for the past ten or fifteen years now. This is irrational, I know, but I always dread what the doctor might find when he goes spelunking between my legs. Oh! That's where my last pair of glasses went! Thanks doctor!

My appointment is in two hours. I had better get ready for my closeup.


A Margarita said...

You're not a freak! I totally "prep" myself too. I have that same fear - that some latent STD is suddenly going to manifest itself; I always feel so relieved when he gives me a clean bill of health and I can go my merry way for another year.

Sixteen Chickens said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I laughed so hard at your anxiety, because, well, because your anxiety is MY anxiety. And I'm currently shopping for a new health care plan, which means a new list of providers, which means my gyno may or may not be on the list, which means I might have to start all over with a new gyno, which means I am anxiety ridden, which means I write the biggest run-on sentences in history, thank you very much! My last OB/GYN had dred locks, reeked of cigarette smoke, wore ill fitting clothes, and talked so loud that everybody in the other exam rooms heard my entire medical history and how my exam when that day, but we had a relationship, ya know? And then I had to start all over with a very nice Latina woman-- I can't understand a word she says, but she is nice. The thought of going through all this again, arrrrrrhhhh! Good luck! You must tell us (me) how it goes.

Anonymous said...

"rooms full of strangers inserting their entire arms into my Hoo-ha and all looking at it and making decisions about it and using a bunch of annoying words like "dilation.""

That is exactly what it's like.

Also, you should only have to go every 3 years if all is well "down there".

MP said...

Thanks for the laugh..you are nuts!
OMG..I can't believe your mom..I had a mix of my mom's remedy's plus the doctors..for a sore throat I used to have to put this paste on my neck that smelled horrible and was hot...then they wrapped that with white towels and secured with a safety pin..anyone elses mom do that to them?

Fianna said...

Hilarious! Defective crotch spelunking. That is an awesome use of the English language.

I too live in fear of the annual exam. I spend so much time prepping for it. I have gone to a female doc though since my very first exam at the tender age of 16, where my mom made me go to a burly old man with huge caterpillars for eyebrows. Traumatic to see those between your legs.

Best of luck on the spelunking adventure.

Hilary said...

I was snickering and giggling all the way through your post.. and then lost it with "spelunking." Too funny. I hope your appointment goes well and that your doctor is available for you, lest you see the HOT one.

Sauntering Soul said...

I used to go through the whole freak out thing too. Then I started going to my current ob/gyn office and the anxiety went away. I've never actually met my official doctor. I always see her nurse practitioner. She hugs me every year, she spends time talking to me (about non-ob/gyn stuff) and just makes me feel comfortable and at ease with her. I hope I never have to change offices or I will once again go through what you are going through.

Anonymous said...

Years ago, I worked for a urologist. We saw just as many women as men. And honey, I swear by all that is holy...we NEVER talked about our patients' naughty bits, except to discuss whatever medical problem they've presented with.

...and as "trained medical professionals," we never, ever mistook razor burn for STDs. heeeee heeeee.


but i'm with you. i detest pelvics. i had my first one as a virgin. i was 18 and a half. i thought i wanted to join the air force and naturally, i had to have a physical. [i ended up in the army...but that was a few years later].

When the nurse (a first lieutenant) brought me in to the exam room, and i saw the speculum...i got really scared, and asked her how that thing was gonna fit in me. she snorted! she was a real bitch. "you don't expect me to believe you're a virgin??"

nice set up. i SOBBED during the entire exam. btw, she did replace the adult speculum with a pediatric one. (they're about as wide as our tampons USED to be back in the day.) the doc was a very young captain, and i'm sure very uncomfortable.

part of me laughs about it, now...but truly, it was a traumatic experience for me. i'd never opened my legs for any man...this doctor was my first.

these days, i refuse pelvics from men. thankfully, i live in progressive missoula, montana, and we have enough uppity women demanding female docs, that the community is forced to comply.

Anonymous said...

I HATE going to the gyno. HATE IT. I spruce up as well, but never enough (in my mind). I'm totally with you on the whole "how many gross vaginas must they look at in one day?" thing.

aside: my first gyno's name was Dr.Slap. I shit you not.

Reb said...

I think we all go through that before having our vagina's cranked open by the Dr. As if it's not bad enough having the Dr there they now have to have the sexual harassment nurse too! Hell, why not just open a window to the waiting room and everyone can watch!
Good for you for going every year though.

Heather said...

Here is the thing about OB/GYNs - either they are wonderful, wonderful, make you want to kiss them kind of people, or they are horrible nasty people with no bedside manner. I once had an OB/GYN ask me how much he should list his house for while I was in stirrups! Yeah, thanks, let's talk about Real Estate now, great idea. Then I found out that it is a SURGICAL speciality, meaning these people are SURGEONS. Ahhh.... now I get it. Ask any friend in the medical profession to describe a typical surgeon and you will understand what I mean. My advice is to keep switching until you find one you like. I had an amazing OBGYN for my pregnancy, and was just upset that my baby couldn't wait long enough for her to be the one on call when she came into the world. Good luck with your appointment, and don't worry, we are all a little crazy when it comes to going to the doctor. At least you go, that's what's important.

Anonymous said...

I once had to refuse an exam and ask the doctor to find someone else for the actual examination. I did approve of cocktails later if he wanted to - but I was not getting on that table. Very hot - better looking than that McDreamy guy on Grey's. LOL

tazzie said...

Ditto here. I always hate going. I didn't go the first time until I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Now, I go because I owe it to my children to stay as healthy as possible, and be around much longer than they want me to.

Arwen said...

OMG! I think I must be your sister! I don't remember having a sister but I could have posted that whole blog except maybe the Km... I did however have some other evil fluid dispensed in lieu of Km... I never knew its name just that it was foul.

My mother thinks I have Munchausen's because I've seen a doctor in the last year.

Anonymous said...

I have always worried about blowing my nose before I go to the dentist because they have an clear view the whole time you are in the chair. Last time I was at the gyno I realized my feet are in her face and now I'm paranoid if they smell. I would hope everyone makes a special effort before going to the doctor. I'm sure they appreciate it. This might make you feel better: http://www.delta-9.com/net47/myth/fancy.html

Michelle said...

Oh that's just too funny! I think most normal women go to some length of prep for these appointments! Sorry about the braces incident!

Unknown said...

I always like to schedule my appointment for the first one in the morning. That way I'm still relatively clean and fresh after my morning shower/shave ritual (yes, I'm like you, too), and haven't been reeking in my own humid odors all day long. Ew. Oh, I also go to a woman doctor, which makes me feel slightly better than going to a man doctor. But if I had to choose a man doctor, I'd definitely go for the old geezer and not the hot guy.

Anonymous said...

This is the perfect explanation for my joy that I have no vagina.

Like as if a colonoscopy isn't enough hell in any life?

Thank for clearing that up once and for all.

nicrogers said...

OMG! YOu are so funny! Also, you are not alone. I think most of us worry about how we look, smell, etc. I definitely primp beforehand as well. As for shaving, a friend of mine is an OB nurse and she says many many women shave everything and it is totally normal. So dont sweat the shaving issue. I am sure whatever you manage to shave is better than a big old hairy.... Oh and by the way, no way would I go to the hot doctor. In fact, I go out of my way to only go to women gyn's. Funny story. When I was pregnant with my third child, I switched to a birthing center staffed with all midwives. I was very happy about that but wouldn't you know it, one of the midwives, was actually a man! I was like, what the heck? A male midwife? WTF? SO ever visit I saw the other two female midwives and finally, I went into labor. Guess who I got? Yup, David! lol But, as it turns out, he was fine. But I still much rather go to a female doc/midwife for my hoohaa stuff.

Susan said...

I spend hours getting ready for the gyno. Once I did get the dreaded razor burn and was so upset. The doctor talked about laser hair removal services they offer and it occured to me that he probably sees dozens of cases of over prepped women ever day.

I cried the first time I went to the gyno and they still have to pry my legs apart and keep asking for me to slide to the end of the table. It has always been a trying experience for me. My doctor is a little off though and that sort of helps me. I'm not sure why having an odd person be such a personal doctor works for me, but everyone else I tried to see bothered me more.

I just think we all get a little crazy when some goes poking around in our delicate areas.

BTW my gyno sexual harassment preventer told me some women answer the phone during their exams...can you freaking believe that?!?!?!

Anonymous said...

Exact. Same. Fears. and my Gyno is a woman, who is very nice but that makes me worry more about the judging because she's another woman. I am irrational. It's ok. I also would not want the hot gyno. I bet that most women go through the paranoia though.

Anonymous said...

"spelunking between my legs"

OMG!!!! That kind of creative writing is exactly why I read your blog every day!!!!


Anonymous said...

Oh man! That is so me. I typically schedule the whole day off from work and "prepare" myself. Shower, shave, powder, etc.

One day - I'm so embarassed - I totally forgot about my appointment until I looked at my planner at work and freaked. I called to reschedule but couldn't for reasons I forget and had to go in...without the prep! I kept apologizing and my doc kept laughing and telling me that he'd seen much worse and just earlier. I hope he doesn't talk about me like that...

Anonymous said...

Have you read "Running With Scissors" by Augusten Burroughs? It might ring some bells.

I don't know if it would weird you out but perhaps a female ob/gyn might be a less stressful choice. I mean, what do guys know about cold metal things pushed up their hoo haw? Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! I too believe that I may have some sort of terrible STD and someday I'm going to go insane from tertiary syphilis that was somehow never detected! And I never even had a promiscuous stage!

I went to the dermatologist last week to get a mole check and I had to stand in my underwear while he and the nurse/sexual harassment preventer looked at every inch of my skin! He even pulled down my underwear in the back and front (not all the way, but still-I could have just let him know I had no moles there!), and he looked at my boobs, too! At the end of it I was bright red and sweating...I'm starting to blush right now just thinking about it! And I am probably the least modest person I know.

So yeah, that drawn out story was to let you know that I am exactly like you when I go to the gyno!

Mamacita Chilena said...

hahaha, The Evil Place! That cracked me up...and totally reminded me of my aunt. Once her three year old daughter was spinning around lifting her dress up exposing her underwear (you know, like a typical little kid that likes to be nakee). My aunt yelled, "Cover your shame!"

I. Could. Not. Believe. It.

let's not even get into the kind of issues that kid is going to have when she grows up.

Unknown said...

What I'm truly amazed about is that anybody else in the whole world has tasted the vile black goo that is Km! My mom tried that crap, among a million other home remedies when I was younger. But you mist the curious menthol aftertaste. Until I got older and tasted Jagermeister I thought Km was unique in the universe. At least the folks who make Jager don't attempt to assign it a higher purpose.

Anonymous said...

OMG... It's great to hear that I'm not the only woman on the face of the planet that goes a little crazy before the gyno visit, & I have a CHILD!! Even after I had an audience of 5 staring straight @ my hoo-ha as I delivered my daughter, I STILL hate getting up on that table! (Funny story... My hubby never understood why I got so freaked out before my gyno visits UNTIL... We went to the 1st preggo visit & I was due for a pap, so the doc had me hop up on the table & got down to business with hubby in a chair with a bird's eye view. He never questioned my anxiety EVER AGAIN.)

the Bag Lady said...

The Bag Lady can't stop laughing long enough to compose her comment...
She thinks the freaks are the ones who DON'T make sure they are clean and not offensive. Anyone with half a brain wouldn't want to anger someone with the power to really hurt you where you live.

The Bag Lady went to one ob/gyn who stroked the inside of her thigh to "relax" her...made her wish she had teeth in her hooha. (needless to say, she didn't go back to him...)

Green said...

You said "spelunking" in relation to vaginas. Oh and by the way, thank you so much for giving me a visual of a vagina erupting like an earthquake and the lava is not lava but instead Vanilla Cupcake Sparly Body Wash and Orange Blossom Scrub.

Anonymous said...

LMAO, Girl...yes I think it is funny - but then having had three kids in two years I don't give a toss what they see. It all works and I have had as many as eight people in the room at one time (twin birth) - after that you kinda lose whatever dignity you walked in with. Love your description of getting ready for the gynae though ;-0

Hilary said...

Oh geesh. Brian. When the taste of Km was described, the first thing I thought about was Jaggermeister, which by the way is delicious mixed in equal parts with Goldschlager. Together they're a Jaggerschlagger!

So is Alpenbitter (much like Jagermeister) and Fireball (stronger in flavour than Goldschlagger).

Anonymous said...

Actually, I don't get all spiffied up for my gyno. I shower, that's it. I wonder why you would wear pretty underwear. You strip off everything below the waist before the exam, anyway.

Anonymous said...

As funny as "hoo-ha" is, my all-time favorite description of the feminine parts: tutti-frutti.


Anonymous said...

OK, guys don't have to do any of that stuff, and I'm glad. But it still bothered me when my hot doctor, young enough to be daughter, lubed up her fingers for a prostate exam.

Anonymous said...

I worked as an office nurse for 20 odd years and saw every vagina in the community. Honey, we don't think any differently about looking up your genitalia than we do at looking down your throat. That's a promise; absolute fact.

I have seen *everything* from lost tampons, massive infections, herpes, rude tattoos, piercings - you name it.

We don't care. We're here to keep you healthy.


Nikki said...

I had a hot doctor once, but luckily, he wasn't a vagina doctor. he was an eye doctor!

I always get paps done with a female doctor. The only man allowed anywhere near my hooha is husband.

RP said...

I went to the gyno every year for 8 friggin' years before I had my first boyfriend (thank you, incapacitating cramps). Talk about pain! After all that, I'm pretty blase about going to the doctor now - my internist also does gyno exams, so I only have one doctor appointment per year. I do no special prepping outside of a shower beforehand. Any doctor who freaks out about body hair is no one I want to trust with my health.

Arwen said...

See, I differ from some of your commenters... I would NEVER EVER EVER go to a female OB/GYN. 1) Most men like the area in question, 2) According to my husband, most men really like seeing the area in question in any way, shape, form, shaven, unshaven, etc., 3) Women tend to be catty, 4) A catty female doctor is more likely to judge you for the appearance of the area in question, 5) A catty female doctor is more likely to tell other people about judgements she has made regarding the appearance of the area in question.

I had to see the female OB/GYN at my doctor's office when I was pregnant with my youngest and she was very rude and "rough" so it kind of reinforced my prejudice against female OB/GYNs.

Anonymous said...

The university (male) gyno:

Close talker.

Made inappropriate jokes.

Instead of ASKING me to untie my robe for a breast exam, he did it for me (yes, there was an assistant present).

He prescribed F-ING CRISCO to use during sex to decrease my yeast infections. This was after I told him I'd seen a million gynos and the ONLY thing that works is a monthly prescription. He didn't believe me.


creative kerfuffle said...

ditto what's been said about the gyno visits. aside from the prep before hand what about when you actually get in the office? silly as it is, when the nurse tells you to strip down and put on the gown i make sure my undies and bra are folded and hidden underneath my clothing. why? i have no idea

Courtney said...

Wow, THANK YOU for typing what goes through what every woman fears before she heads to the gyno!!! This was hysterical, and all too true.

And you are so right on about prepping more for the gyno than a date.

Anonymous said...

my first yearly visit was with a female that was no never again. The second I had was a rather good looking male doctor that I never saw again. After that I had females who were all rough and I hated it. It took everything I had not to cry. I got to where I live now and had a female. She was awesome I loved her. I practically cried when I found out she was gone. My husband is military and I guess so was hers so she had to move. This year I got a man. He's a nice looking Captain. I was nervous but he was really great and I love him. If he could be my everyday doctor I would be thrilled. I'm of the opinion its all about the doctor. Find a good doctor that you're comfortable with and stick with that one.

Anonymous said...

SNM, I have actually been told not to do TOO much prepping. The MD needs to see if there is any irregular smells or discharge. Sometimes patients get so used to something, they don't tell the doc. And the powder and douches cover it up. A douche just before your pap test can also wash away cells that may be irregular.

Wash with mild soap and water, but don't get into powders and crotch perfume.

I've been going to the same OB/GYN for over thirty years. He's seen me through an abortion, two full-term pregnancies, and now menopause. He probabaly has a better health history on me than any of my other doctors.

Anonymous said...

My brother's best friend's father was my moms ob/gyn when I was born. Talk about awkward!

TK said...

Than you for making me feel both justified in my "OMG this is either the worst date of my entire life or I'm having a nightmare!" when I go in for a pelvic, and thus making me realize it's perfectly normal to think all that stuff! We always talk about stupid stuff while I stare at the ceiling, counting the holes in the acoustic tiles. I never could find a GYN I liked who wasn't an egotistical idiot, so I go to my Internist, I've known him for 20 years and I trust him, and he's always very gentle. At least we go, if there's anything to be found (like cervical cancer which is often asymptomatic), better to get it treated sooner.

Anonymous said...

This is hysterical. I, too, fold my bra and underwear and stick them between my clothes. WTF? They are going to see everything, and I am worried about them seeing my bra and underwear????

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