Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Millipedes Are Taking Over the World

Ok, deadlines met. All of them. I will now get paid and get good grades. My world can now be restored to peace, calm and blogging, but not now. I need to rest and watch TV while drooling. I also have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that I have officially received my new diner nickname and it is (drumroll)...

GRILLED CHEESE!!!!

Is that not the best nickname in the world for me? The waitress called me that this evening and I nearly went over the counter and hugged her.

The bad news is that apparently millipedes are taking over the world. Look at THIS. I'm not the only one with the millipede problem. I'm calling the damned exterminator tomorrow morning. I mean, I tried asking the millipedes very politely if they could please leave and they said "No" so now I'm going to have to put the smackdown on their asses. Damned millipedes are so rude, I swear. Can you imagine being asked to leave a place where you weren't even invited and then turning around and being all like "No, this is MY place now bitch!" I kept demanding and they had the nerve to say "Talk to the thousand hands, because the face ain't listenin'"

The news that I can't decide if it's good or bad is that I just found out I only have four more classes to take, plus my thesis and then I'm done my MFA, which means that I better decide what to do afterwards pretty soon. For one thing, I want to go to Japan. When I finished my BA I promised myself a trip to Paris, which I took, and then I said well, if you get your MFA you can go to Japan, so I've got that covered, but what the hell am I going to do when I get back?

Maybe I'll just wait and see what comes about. Usually when I sit around and ponder what to do next something fantastic and extraordinary will happen to me.

Oh Fuck you millipedes. You know what those bastards just said? They all were reading over my shoulder and they started laughing at me and calling me a professional student and said I should just keep on going for four more years and get a PhD.

"USC has a great creative writing program you know," said a particularly crunchy and robust millipede.

"How are your GRE scores?" asked another.

"She'll never get in, " added a third.

"I think she could actually," said the crunchy one.

I'll be sure to include on my application that I was referred to the program by three insects. Maybe the crunchy one will write me a letter of recommendation.

16 comments:

Wade said...

Several of my friends loved various writing programs at SC. The common thread in them getting in seems to have been "hustle."

MamaD4 said...

I would advise to keep on keeping on with the school, because once you take a break, it is so hard to start back up again. A body in motion tends to stay in motion.

Go to Japan, but beware. We lived there 2005-2006 and just to FYI, they have some bugs there called "gichis" that are the biggest and most frightening milipedes that you will ever see. According to legend, they are posionous. I only saw one, but it was disgusting--had these lobster-like pincer claws on front. No kidding. They have some seriously freaky bugs in Japan.

Of course, this shouldn't dissuade you from making the trip. Japan is definitely worth braving scary bugs to see!

Jamie said...

Better millipedes than centipedes, roaches, or scorpions!

gulfsidebo said...

When does that put you at finishing, ETA?

MP said...

If you are even considering a PHD then maybe you are a constant student...OMG I can't even imagine..unless I was studying TV watching or Novel Reading..

I get the centipedes...they are grey and have really really long legs..YUCK...better than roaches

Mim said...

I think it's time for some rest. When you start talking to icky insects, its definitely time for some sleep.

lala said...

I'll trade you the millipedes for my stinkbug invasion. The motherf*ers are everywhere in southeastern PA. You can't spray for them (not that I would), you can't step on them (stinky, nasty chemical stench) and it's futile to catch and release (they come right back in.) I hate them bitches! This is what we get for global trade, but I loves me some European design. *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Outstanding. Simply awesome. Give the crunchy one a high-five(thousand). I hate millipedes as well, but up here in NYC, only had to deal with one or two at a time.
Your blog is almost better than coffee in the morning

BoB said...

I was under the impression that an MFA was equivalent to a PhD in the Arts. Then again, I didn't know there MFA programs for wordists.

I was given some advice (which I ignored) about seeeking a PhD that I will share with you. Make sure you really want it.

I interpreted that as make sure you'd rather stay in school than work and make sure the stipend is good.

booda baby said...

I don't know for sure, but I think you oughtn't underestimate the influence of m-pedes. Rather, one oughtn't underestimate what influences creative writing programs.

I am curious why you'd even consider another program. You've got everything it takes and, frankly, business/pr savvy that can't be bought.

Architect Critic said...

My parents lived in a place in Oregon that was invaded by crickets. They walked in droves across the floor of the house, always in the same direction. It was like they were migrating and just walking through the house like it wasn't even there. Very strange. My parents didn't live there for long.

P.S. - the word verification I have right now starts with GRE. . .

Morrigoon said...

Woo! Fight On! Go to SC!!!!

Sorry about the millipedes. FWIW, that page you linked was recommending a soap solution to kill them. I've been using something similar to deal with my ant problem. Dawn seems to be the best for that. I've wiped down areas I wanted to keep ants away from with Dawn, which helps, but you can also kill them with it.

Anonymous said...

As a first year PhD student, I'd advise against it. My life is made up of two parts: 1) a constant state of panic and 2) a constant feeling of inadequacy. :)

I sympathize with you on the bug infestation. I used to have a spider cricket issue. Every day when I came home from work, I had to go to town with a fly swatter to about 20-30 crickets. I still get sick thinking about it. Blegh.

Pumpkin said...

Japan sounds a phenomenal place to visit (my husband was offered a job there 3 yrs ago, but Gozar had just arrived and we figured it to be too risky) I'm thoroughly jealous!!!!

As for the continuation of study, I don't know m'dear....but I like the sound of the creative writing course....crunchy millipede has a point with that!!!!!

Seriously, the bug issue freaks me out....I have enough problems dealing with wasps and midgies (when I'm in Scotland), more than that gives me nightmares just thinking about it.....I am a wimp!!!!!

As usual, brilliant post...even with the talking creepy crawlies!!!
xx

Government Peon said...

Hmm, those millipedes of yours sound exactly like the ilelgal aliens invading our country. They come without invitation, encroach upon our lands and use our resources, and they refuse to leave. Oh well, at least yuou can hire an exterminator to eradicate your pests. Unfortunately, we can't do that for our illegal alien pest problem.

Leonesse said...

Ha! Grilled Cheese! With Diner Fries!!

Our waitress calls it The Usual. Sometimes I mess with her and order ranch on the side.

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