Some time ago, I told you all about the frightening trend of gigantic purses which were swallowing the tiny, frail, eating disorder victims who coveted them dearly. These purses are an alarming problem here in South Florida and I have a feeling that the epidemic has spread to Southern California and New York as well. The purses are so big that the teeny weeny women who love them, can barely carry them. They are so enormous that they do not fit in the teeny weeny women's rich boyfriend's Lamborghinis. They must be stored in the trunk. I've heard rumors that many a sugar daddy has had to buy his concubine a Range Rover just so she has room for her pocketbook. Like I said, this is a terrible problem.
Finally, I have caught one of these massive bags on film. I was strolling down Cash Avenue (one of our finest shopping areas) when I saw this young lady struggling to heave her enormous purse into an exclusive boutique. She was quite excited when I approached her and offered to post her picture all over the Internet.
"Oh my God, I totally feel like Nicole Richie. This is like, amazing. AMAZING!! You seriously want a picture of me?? Wow. Yes!! It's totally OK." she replied and instantly started striking poses.
This may well be one of the biggest purses I have ever seen. I asked her if I could hold it for a second and she gladly obliged. I nearly dislocated my shoulder.
"What do you have in here??" I asked.
"Umm, you know. Nothing. Like my license and a Mac lip glass."
I peeked inside. She didn't even have a wallet. She had a couple hundreds floating around loose, a slender light tampon, the lip glass and a stick of bubblemint Orbit. That is it. It was mostly empty space, just like her head. Of course she could have fit several concrete blocks, the past five months worth of OK Magazine, three days worth of clothing complete with separate pairs of platform wedges, ALL of her makeup, a rat terrier, and probably herself. Then she'd have to hire someone to carry it for her, but I guess that would be within reason, right? You could totally get some illegal to carry your purse around while you shopped. You could just pick them up at the work line in the morning. It would be way better than working in the sugar cane fields or building houses in the hot sun. Jeez. Those people should be so lucky to get to carry some rich white girl's purse around all day.
And there you all go. Another peek into my world.
Should you all wish one of these monstrosities for yourself, the young lady in orange told me the purse was called "The Jasmine" and was from Coach. It is somewhere around $1,000.00 so it's a major bargain, and the only reason she was carrying this one was because she had been at the beach all morning and was just running out to get something to wear to dinner that night. In her words, it was her "schleppy" bag. I wonder what her evening bag looks like.
- Wide Lawns
- ► 2012 (65)
- ► 2011 (134)
- ► 2010 (132)
- ► 2009 (182)
- ► 2008 (212)
- Introducing...The Lovely Velva Haux
- The Ghetto Superstar Awards 2007
- A Letter From An Old Friend
- And This is How it All Looked
- Last Night
- My Peacock
- Aunt Kiki's House
- The Famous Prada Shoe Story
- Only In South Florida...
- Accompanying Sketch
- LOOK!! WE'RE DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE!!
- Moons Over My Hammy
- Attack of the Gigantor Purse
- The Chocolate Gas Station (Not What You Think, I S...
- How Did I Forget Mango Season?
- Things I Love About South Florida #8 - Sea Turtle ...
- This is Where I Was Not Eaten By Sharks
- South Florida Trend Watch - THE Shoe of the Moment...
- I Mean, It IS Shark Week After All
- ▼ August (20)
- 15 Minute Lunch (My Mom Thinks He's Funnier Than Me)
- A Mom, A Blog, and the Life In-Between
- Anne Nahm
- Be a Fan of Wide Lawns on Facebook
- Blue Lotus (stuff about Japan!!!)
- Bye Bye Pie
- Consultant Calamities
- Cryptomundo (in case they catch the Loch Ness Monster)
- Just Humor Me
- Living In Muddy Waters
- Miss Kitty
- Miss(ed) Manners
- My Friend Hollye's Photography
- No Telling
- One Mean MFA
- Plain(s) Feminist
- Sex and the Beach
- Slash Food
- South Florida Daily Blog
- Spooky's Skewed View
- The Insane Waiter
- The New Girl
- Violent Acres
- Whiskey Marie
- Why Architects Drink